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Loss of Parent Feedback


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Hello -

Last Tuesday I lost my mom, dad lost his wife, and my children lost their grandmom. I am the only child as my dad is a senior so I have been coping along with him.

On Friday my mom had a scheduled open heart surgery that was planned. She made it through and was in recovery. Luckily the next day we were able to have a conversation with her plus she was out of bed. I even told her the "hard part" was over! Shortly she began complications and the next day we choose to bring our kids in to see her because she was still coherent. Sadly the next day everything changed with her liver and kidney failing her. On Tuesday at 327PM she passed at the hospital with family at her side.

We have been going through the emotions of shock, denial, sadness, guilt, and anger. I have not reached acceptance yet. The hard part is coping for my dad who has slight cognitive impairments and my own kids where my mom was their world. When we go back to their residence its tough to see all the memories and emptiness. Sadly we found she wrote her own obituary while looking through her bedroom so it makes me think she was worried about dying. We have the funeral scheduled this week which I am sure will trigger new emotions.

I am not looking for answers but just similar experiences people have in their own lives.

Thanks for reading! Talking about it with others does help. BL

 

 

 

 

 

 

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12 hours ago, Scoastal said:

I have not reached acceptance yet.

Acceptance doesn't equate to thinking it was okay for it to happen, it means reality is setting in and you realize it happened, it no longer catches you off guard and when the phone rings you no longer expect to hear her voice on the other end.  It's a gradual process, a seeping in.  I don't think there's a way to speed it up, it takes its own accord and the timetable will be different for all of us.  As for the other emotions, we can have them all or none of them, or have them at the same time even when they seem to be in conflict with each other.  That is okay, none of this has to make sense, our emotions just "are", they can vacillate back and forth randomly.  Pretty much everything we feel is normal in grief.

I am so sorry this turned out like it did and you lost your mom.  I'm sure you and your dad will be a good support for each other.  As you've already realized, you're each mourning a different person...you, a mom, him, a wife, your children, their grandmom.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/10/helping-grieving-parent.html

I hope you'll find comfort here, this site was my lifesaver when I lost my husband, then my mom, a friend, pets...the hardest was my husband, that grief continues still even though it's been 12 years, we don't "get over it", our grief doesn't expire.  It does evolve, thank heavens, I don't think I could have taken the intensity of the beginning in continuation, grief is hard work.  I hope you'll continue to come here and read and post.

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12 hours ago, Scoastal said:

Talking about it with others does help.

Indeed it does, and it's good to know that you've found your way to this warm and caring place. You have a busy week ahead of you, and our thoughts are with you as you go through all of it ~ and we'll be here for you whenever you feel the need to talk some more.

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