Jump to content

A second lost feels harder than the first


Recommended Posts

On Dec 11th 2009 I lost my first husband due to bladder cancer. Four years later I met Tom.We had a wonderful four years together, travelling, meeting new people, and just living as a couple. This Oct11th, he passed away from a ruptured aorta in his upper heart . It was very sudden, even though we knew of the problem.

One death was prolonged, I was a caregiver for many months but the grieving process was terrible. You were all here to help me.

This death was sudden and I was in shock during the funeral.We had been living together and I had as long as I wanted to stay in the house. Rather than stay, I found an apartment ,making me very close to my kids. Because of packing and moving within two months of his death, my mind was occupied.

Now I am in the beginning stages of grief again and am fighting it.I have not really broke down and cried and grieved, except for tonight

This group has been here for me once, i am hoping you will be here for me again please

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lainey,

I feel your pain. I know I didn't just invent that phrase. It came from a movie I watched in the past somewhere along the way. But as my wonderful Grandmother used to say, phrases wouldn't become cliches if there wasn't some truth to them. I suppose we all here can and do feel the pain of others because there are so many similarities in most of our stories. I wasn't here yet during your first tenure here. I'm so sorry that it is necessary for you to return.

My wife of 41+ years passed on New Year's Day of last year. Like you, I'm still waiting to have that "good cry".  I wonder sometimes if I wouldn't be further along in this grief journey by now if I had been able to release some of that pent-up emotion. But this shouldn't be about me. This is about you, and your struggles. I know you know of everything I'm saying since this isn't your first time here. But you know we all understand your trials and tribulations. You have our love, understanding, and sympathy.  

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lainey

im sorry for your loss.  I’m sorry the second year feels worse than the first.  I understand.  Jan 9 will be three years since I lost my beautiful bride.  And it feels worse.  You’re only on your second year.  Go easy on yourself for things can feel numb and unreal at times.  I still feel that way.  Keep posting.  You are cared for   ❤️

Butch

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lainey,

I'm sorry for your loss.  Sometimes when we have more than one loss it can pile up on us, that's hard to deal with.  It will be important to grieve each of them individually, to separate your losses.  I'm glad you're near your kids now and I hope that is of help to you.  Of course we'll be here for you.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lainey, dear one, my heart hurts for you. Life can be so very unfair ~ so difficult for us mortals to even begin to understand, much less accept. It's good to know that you've found your way back here to us, but I'm so sorry for the reason that brought you here ~ again. Even though we have no explanations, no solutions, no answers, and no cures, most certainly we share in your pain, and we are touching your wounds with gentle and tender hands.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so sad for you.  All the plans you had together--gone in a moment.  Such a shock!  I appreciate your feelings.  I lost my 31-year-old daughter to cancer in 2009 and my husband, after various illnesses over a dozen years, in December 2013.  It's hard to wrap your mind around this new stage of life.  Some things have helped me.  One is my other children, especially my other daughter, who have been very supportive.  I'm glad you can be near your children.  Do you have grandchildren?  If not, I hope there will be some one day.  Sweet little ones are such a comfort.  Their grandfather will live on in them.  Another help was a griefshare support group at my church.  The 13-week program was full of insight and useful suggestions.  These groups meet all over the country and you may be able to find one near you at griefshare.org.  Most recently, a weekly Bible study was about Heaven.  It lifted my spirits to think about reunions there, and how beautiful it will be, there with Jesus.  I am also working on a project, a book about my life.  So I am going through old records, journals, papers, and relishing some good memories.  It helps to see reminders that my daughter had a happy childhood, or that my husband and I shared so many precious times.  I am trying to focus on the good memories, and be grateful for them.  It helps get me through  those dark moments.  I pray that even at this difficult holiday season, you will find some peace as you begin to adjust to this different life.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...