mother A year long nightmare. And I still can't wake up.

[Kate2]

Hi Quiksand

I am wondering how you are doing now.  You have been through alot of stress being a caregiver and then went right to dealing with grief.  

I can relate to you.  I have taken care of my mom for 5 years.  She is my best friend.  I have been so lonely watching her decline.  As she lost alot of memories, short and long term, I watched my best friend/mom slip away.  I have been grieving for 5 years now.  

My mom is actively dying now.  It may be a day or a week.  It is so hard to know that I will be all alone.  Not only have I lost my best friend, but will lose my purpose in life, as her caregiver.  

I would give anything to have another year of changing her diapers and feeding her.  I miss her so much already.  

I hope you are doing OK.  And I understand your grief and loneliness.  My life as a caregiver, excluded me from having any friends or social life.  I don’t know what I will do with myself now.  

[kayc]

@Kate2  I'm sorry about your mother's situation, I'm going through it with my sister.  I hear what you are saying, my husband died 12 1/2 years ago and even though my mom and I were 60 miles away from each other (further when she entered the dementia care facility), I could call her or go see her, I miss her more than I can say.  It's been 3 1/2 years she's been gone.

Being a caregiver and then losing that purpose presents additional challenges of its own, I went through that when I lost my MIL, I took care of her nearly three years when she was bedridden with cancer.  It'll take time, but you will discover purpose again, meanwhile it's a hard adjustment, I know.  It's good to get out and be around people, maybe church, volunteering, a club, something to meet and be around others.  It pushes us out of our comfort zone,  I know, I'm working on that because I lost all our friends when my husband died and the new ones I've made have died or moved.  Life is a challenge!

It's helped me to take one day at a time and live in the present, when I think about the whole "rest of my life" it's overwhelming and increases my anxiety.  Good luck to you, feel free to come here any time and share.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/10/in-grief-after-caregiving-ends-who-am-i.html

[Kate2]

Thank you @kayc for your kind words and encouragement.  It is so helpful to know others are there who understand the grief.