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Don’t know what to say.


A&K

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Katie and I have been seeing a therapist for some time now.  Caleb is in therapy.  And my Dad is obviously in therapy since he’s inpatient.  Katie and I have grief inside of us but neither one of us know what to say.  Only that it’s completely unfair that four of our six children were not good enough to stay in this life.  

Allen

i enclosed pics of Ryan as it’s uncanny how much he resembles Gracie.  I wish she were here.  9F1190C2-6AF9-4FE2-967F-7FEFBADFFDD8.thumb.jpeg.8bb938bb885a4c6338f659c1030dae5e.jpegFADE6045-4BD0-4A9B-8EE7-8DB80498D117.thumb.jpeg.39afcbaf67f35555a72b34d25b01156d.jpeg

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Your children were "good enough", it doesn't have anything to do with that, life (or death) just happens, it's hard to understand because there IS no understanding it.  Gracie was a pure delight, we all enjoyed her smiles, like a ray of sunshine.  I was in shock when Butch told me she died.  I didn't expect it, yes she had Pneumonia, yes children die from it, but she'd pulled through before, always before!  Noah...who expects this of a child his age, one day playing, being himself, the next day going through so much trauma.  And the twins, so close, if they could have made it another week, but all the what ifs in the world weren't, harsh reality was, and nothing prepares or consoles you when you go through this.  I don't understand any of it.  I just pray for you and Katie and Caleb all the time that you'll draw closer as a family for what you've all been through, that God will give you strength, comfort, and encouragement.  Yes, I see the resemblance in Ryan, Gracie's "look", her smile.

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Our precious Gracie was our pure light when we needed it.  It was just as much a shock to us that she didn’t pull through.  The RSV pneumonia was just too much for her little body.  

My Dad had a better day today.  He participated in groups.  He’s talking now.  He’s got a long way to go and it scares me when he does get to come home.  But I think he will fight because he loves Caleb and Ryan so much.  

Katie and I are having some communication issues and guilt.  But that’s what our therapy is for.  

Caleb is doing exceptionally being homeschooled.  And Ryan is growing like a weed.  He’s started on real food.  He’s like his big sister Gracie.  Full of love and light.

Allen.  

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11 hours ago, A&K said:

My Dad had a better day today.  He participated in groups.  He’s talking now.  He’s got a long way to go and it scares me when he does get to come home.  But I think he will fight because he loves Caleb and Ryan so much.  

Allen, this is great news, I am in tears, thank you God for this news!  I know it's just the start, but it's a good start.

11 hours ago, A&K said:

Katie and I are having some communication issues and guilt.  But that’s what our therapy is for

Guilt is common in grief.  Also realizing that men and women sometimes handle their grief differently, I'm confident the therapy will benefit both of you as you continue to go through it.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html 

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html

 

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17 hours ago, A&K said:

Our precious Gracie was our pure light when we needed it.  It was just as much a shock to us that she didn’t pull through.  The RSV pneumonia was just too much for her little body.  

My Dad had a better day today.  He participated in groups.  He’s talking now.  He’s got a long way to go and it scares me when he does get to come home.  But I think he will fight because he loves Caleb and Ryan so much.  

Katie and I are having some communication issues and guilt.  But that’s what our therapy is for.  

Caleb is doing exceptionally being homeschooled.  And Ryan is growing like a weed.  He’s started on real food.  He’s like his big sister Gracie.  Full of love and light.

Allen.  

Dear Allen,

I belong to the Loss of a Spouse group. I don't frequently read outside of it, I am glad I did this time to read about your dad's progress. He is in our prayers and thoughts, as you and your family.

 

 

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7 hours ago, kayc said:

realizing that men and women sometimes handle their grief differently

Yes! 
"Failure to understand and accept these different ways of mourning can result in hurt feelings and conflict between partners and among family members during a very difficult time. Although there is grief work to be done, behaviors can be misinterpreted, needs may be misunderstood, and expectations may not be met."
See How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences  

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