Tragic death

[Jess1987]

 I killed my kitten last night. I was putting clothes in the dryer and he jumped in I went along with it  playing and kept putting clothes in and dyer sheets I shut the door and left not thinking anything about it. I went upstairs heard banging paused tv and music bc I was cleaning. Finally after 10 min I went to check it out. I knew instantly my cat was in there. Lifeless and what I assumed almost dead I had to pull him out and carry him dead and lifeless and just I cant explain how his body was. It's inbeded In my head. I'm not handling this well at all. Images thoughts smell. Replaying it over and over. I cant do my laundry. I know its just a kitten but he was my best friend and I killed him. All I can think is what he was going through wondering why I shut it suffering helpless, all bc of a careless mistake. How will I recover from this. It's haunting I cant stop living it back iver and over again. The what ifs r the worst. 

[MartyT]

I am so, so sorry, Jess. Please read these articles, and know that you're not alone :

Pet Loss: Curious Cats Get Killed in Clothes Dryers

Pet Loss: Curious Cats Still Getting Killed in Clothes Dryers

[kayc]

Judging from what I've seen on this forum over the years, I think it has to be the number one way of kittens dying.  It's very very common.  I'm sorry for your loss, and for the images.  I hope these articles are of help.  We feel responsible for them and blame ourselves when something happens, but it was a tragic accident.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

[Shashau]

It makes me so sad to read this Jess. I can completely understand why you are battling feelings of guilt and responsibility, I am going through something similar myself.

We are humans, and unfortunately we sometimes make mistakes that can have tragic consequences. You are not alone, we all make mistakes when it comes to our pets and it is nothing more than a tragic accident that this was the outcome for you. You are not a bad person, the grief you are experiencing for your kitten shows how much heart you have and how much you care. There is not a single pet owner on this planet who has not made a mistake. We may have let our dog run out the house onto the road, not closed a door properly, accidentally left them outside when it was too hot or cold, left something around for pets to choke on....the list goes on, most people are just lucky enough to not have these mistakes end in tragedy. You did not do this intentionally. You were not lazy or uncaring. 

I ignored symptoms that were being displayed by my Bernese Mountain Dog and she was dead by the next morning. Unfortunately I don't think there is much we can do other than work through our grief and come to terms with what has happened. Definitely sending you a massive virtual hug, I too am having a major case of "what if" and "if only". I want so desperately to go back in time and either save my baby, or at the very least hold and comfort her as she passed.

[Clematis]

Jess, I am so sorry to hear this. SO many cats get into these kind of predicaments, and it is so heart-wrenching. Not your fault, but a possible consequence of living with a small vulnerable animal. There are SO many things that can happen to cats. My cat is so beloved to me, it is hard to fathom how awful it would be to lose her like that. For her, it would probably never be the clothes drier because I have a stacked washer/drier unit. She would have to jump about five feet up, and I have only once seen her jump higher than a chair. But she is a therapy cat and I take her in the car to visit people in nursing homes, schools, and other facilities. She is exposed to more dangers just from being out and about, even on a harness/leash and with my carrying her and watching her vigilantly. The world is unpredictable and so is she. Once her tail got caught in the car door and it was horrific! I was squatting with her on the ground next to the car, reopened the door to grab something, and pushed it closed. Just pushed it a little - not swung like one usually swings a car door. Meanwhile she happened to whip her tail around and it was caught in the door. Fortunately, it was just squeezed between the soft seals around the door, but she sure did scream, and I just sat on the ground next to the car clutching her and sobbing for awhile. She was fine and I am really really careful about all doors. I really enjoy sharing her with people who need a cat's company, but what if...? 

As Shashau said, :

4 hours ago, Shashau said:

There is not a single pet owner on this planet who has not made a mistake. We may have let our dog run out the house onto the road, not closed a door properly, accidentally left them outside when it was too hot or cold, left something around for pets to choke on....the list goes on, most people are just lucky enough to not have these mistakes end in tragedy.

We all try so hard to protect these small precious animals we share our hearts and lives with, and I think they try too. I am very clumsy, and if Lena was as slow-footed as I am, we would have had a LOT of bad accidents, but when I start to trip, she is a long ways away by the time my stumble is over and I am so grateful for her lightning fast reflexes. But so many things can happen anyway. I am so sorry you lost your pet and that you are reliving it like this. I think that will get better, like any kind or aspect of grief. It just gets less painful over some time, even though your heart may always hurt. Just not as much. In the beginning after any kind of loss I think we all go through a lot of "what-if's" and ruminating over the last details wishing we could stop them. I think it's a phase. It won't always be so bad...