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Our 43rd Wedding Anniversary


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What a lovely house in Italy. What a wonderful time you and your Jan would have had there, in your little "love nest". A place to be away from it all and just enjoy the love you felt for each other. But God had other plans for the 2 of you. Sometimes it's so very hard to understand that, isn't it? But what choice do we really have except to try to. And give in to His wisdom. I wish the 2 of you could have had more time together. But I know that you treasure every second of those 5 beautiful years you did have. I know what you mean about the thoughts happening less often, as our time here passes.  I am so very glad the painful, burning hole in the gut level of pain is gone. That was unbearable. But I won't allow myself to ever stop thinking and remembering Cookie, and our time together. There are some days when I go the entire day without having thoughts about her, and I almost feel guilty when I realize it. Does that ever happen with you?

When you shared the pictures of Bratislava I couldn't help but see the beauty of the city. When I was younger I used to read and study World War II. I was fascinated (not in a good way) with Hitler and the way he mesmorized his people. They say that if we don't learn from history we are bound to repeat it. When I saw your pictures I couldn't help but think about all the damage your city must have had to be restored from. A wonderful job of that was most certainly done. (Have you noticed how I tend to flit around with my thoughts sometimes?)

Tomorrow will be the 11th. Another trigger day for you. I know how those triggers can hit us. I hope the day passes with you being able to think about some of the good times, and not be too sad. I'm sorry you're most likely going to have that kind of day. I will say a special prayer for you tomorrow. What kind of work do you do? Is it something you are able to enjoy? Hopefully it will help your day to pass better tomorrow. 

I just finished making a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup. If you were near enough I would share some with you. Now it's time to take the little one out for a jaunt outside. I seem to be feeling much better the past couple of days. I'm able to get through a day without needing anything for the pain. It was pretty bad last week, so I'm glad for the improvement. I hope you are well also. Keep that smile!

My love to you, Janka.

Darrel  

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My precious friend,

what a joy to read your words again!There´re so many things running through my head and a few of them I´ll talk about between us later on.For the time being,writing on here,I must point out that your friendship means very much to me and speaking to you day by day makes me feel any better...:)

As for those numbers of 1,I myself,thanks to my faith,has been come to the state of being when I don´t notice every 11th day of every month as I did at the beginning that shows any progress anyway.I even didn´t notice it´s gonna be the 11th day tonight again.If we´d have been going on like that all the time,we could lose a common sense then,so we must get our mind off from time to time.Our belief in God helps us both to realize all of that.Grief-laden brain must dust off those thoughts,not that we do want it,just because it may take it's toll on the health at last.I don´t wanna make my health issues worse,by no means.We wouldn´t be useful insane at all,neither you nor me.Isn´t it?:lol:

I do understand that you sometimes go through days without thinking of what hurts so much,because this is what does the pain to us and we must try to focus on things moving us forward.No matter what,one way or another we always bring the love for our most beloved ones at the bottom of our hearts everywhere we go and that´s what does matter,always and forever...:wub:

Oh well,within an hour it´s gonna be 6 years and 5 months for me...so hard to believe...sometimes I wonder how I could have survived everything...I must confess that I was crying tonight,but after awhile I stopped,because I must look ahead and do know where my path leads me nowadays....having such strong belief in God helps a lot......therefore it becomes less raw each day...our loves would not have wanted us hopeless at all...:rolleyes:

I like the way you think and that´s what makes you so special to me.We´re very sensitive,and yet so strong after all we´ve been going through by now.I know how raw those first years can be and I´m here for you,no matter what...So glad to hear that you´re getting much better... wish you the best only,my dear friend...always...By the way,the tomato soup is my most favourite one...:P

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This is one of my poems writing for my beloved Jan...this one and many others you can find also on website above...

Send you many sincere hugs,my dear friend...

Fondly,

Janka

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Dearest Janka,

 What an absolutely lovely poem. It isn't possible for me to read it without feeling the pain you were going through when you wrote it. Even though you didn't write it now in this present time, it still makes me want to give you a big ole comforting hug. So, wrap your arms around yourself and pretend it's that hug from me.  I've written the name down for the poetry website. I'll go there in a day or so when I have some time and explore it.  I started a journal shortly after Cookie died, that I still write in on pretty much a regular basis. Cookie had kept a journal for a number of years. It was a complete surprise to me when I happened upon it when I was going through her things after her death. She had written some really beautiful poems in it, as well as anything else I guess that she wanted to put to paper and leave for me. I still pick it up from time to time and re-read it. I'm finally to the point of being able to do that without becoming a basket case.

 There's a weather change in the works here, and on top of that it's also allergy season. I have felt really listless or lethargic all day. My brain doesn't want to cooperate now. I'm okay except for my allergies being all fouled up. Hope you're getting through today okay. 

My love to you. Darrel

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How is my dear friend Janka today? I've been having a bad time with my allergies the past few days. It's just the seasonal curse here. And I think it maybe gets worse with age. But otherwise, all is well. My recuperation from the surgery seems to be on track. The pain is almost all gone now. I haven't gotten all my energy back yet, but as long as I take things slow and easy I'm getting along okay by now.

It's funny sometimes how our minds remember things from the past. Don't ask me why. I would disappoint you by not being able to say why. But I woke up this morning with my mind tossing something around from many years ago. I played the clarinet while in high school.  We won a concert competition with Richard Wagner's Tannhauser (did I even spell that right?).  And all day long now my brain is in repeat mode with the chorus from that beautiful piece of music going around in my head. 

I'm thinking about you today, hoping this day has treated you well. Love to my dear friend Janka-

Darrel

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Dearest Darrel!

When you're befriending someone almost whole life,you think it´s thoughtful,until you recognize it´s not about longevity at all.One day you´ll come to the point when you must let it out.One of my good friends who I have been friends with so long is one of those cases.I talked with a priest about him and he told me that we don´t have to keep close to us some of those ones if we feel it doesn´t good to us.He was so right.Since I stopped meeting him,I´m in peace again.Making some progress in life,especially of ourselves,the grieving people,includes also a few difficult decisions that we need to make.That´s what I´ve done lately;I weeded out the right from the wrong that works for me now by all means.Not having such strong belief in God that I have nowadays,I would not have done anything like that,so it feels good at last.There´re things "pre and post" in my life;I better see a difference between quantity and quality at the point I am in now...

I spent a nice evening with one of my best friends today that I didn´t see any longer;all the more I realized how much she means to me and I was enjoying her company again.Life may surprise sometimes.Some people are like the leaves on the trees,the time will change them at last;another ones are like the roots in the ground,they´re stable like the lighthouse facing the storms forever...

My precious friend,you´re a treasure I met on here and I´m so thankful that you came into my life.You´ve brought me much needed smile and happiness this way.May God bless you and all of good people in it!Your post is something I look forward to every single day,so take care of yourself and just know there´s someone on here who holds you in the heart and wish you all the best only...

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PS:I hope this may put a smile on your face too...

:lol::lol::lol:

    With love Janka

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Sweet, Dear Janka,

We just really never know when and how God is going to bless us do we?  I think back to the day when I saw the post from you that started this journey we are sharing now. You could have knocked me over with a feather, it surprised me so much. I had always seen your postings on here, and then I noticed when you left the group for a while. And then you returned, and that pleased me even though I didn't expect anything like we now have to come of it. I never in my wildest imaginings have thought that I would be this fortunate. The circumstances that brought us together are so terribly unfortunate, but I consider myself the luckiest person on this planet to have you as a friend now. What a blessing you are, dear Janka. Thank you for being you. Do you know how much of a treat it is each morning to pour my wake-up cup of coffee, and open this laptop hoping for the latest installment from you to wake up with? 

How is the back pain and headaches now that you were having such a time with a few days ago? Better I hope. I left you alone for a day or 2 only because you had mentioned how uncomfortable it was for you to sit at the laptop for any length of time. I pray that this post from you this morning is a sign that you are better.

I know what you mean about some friendships not standing the test of time. And having to weed out the ones that need to be. Sometimes it does become necessary to separate the wheat from the chaff, just for the sake of our own survival.  And when those friends stand out above the rest as "keepers", they become so much more then than just friends. Don't they?

The laughing birds are starting me off with a good chuckle and a smile on my face today.  Here's hoping your day has been a good one, and that you've also had something to keep that wonderful smile of yours on your lovely face. 

My love to you, Dear Janka.

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Dearest Janka,

The only thing that would have made the picture you sent of the fountain would have been if someone had taken the picture with you sitting on it, as part of the picture. Today has been an awful day for you, and I'm so very sorry.  My love always. Darrel

 

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