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Dixiebum

Heartbroken how do i carry on

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I had to make the heartbreaking decision yo put my 13yo staff to sleep just a few days after he fell unwell from being his normal bouncy self and im overwhelmed with guilt and heartache its a physical pain that no pills will help 

I was on holiday the previous week he stayed home with my son on the sunday he was slow getting up and didnt eat much same the monday i arrived home and he came to great me with less enthusiam than normal i gave him steak water and painrelief incase his joints were aching and took him the vets first thing tues morning . He was kept for the day had bloods urinalysis fluids and an ultrasound some of his bloods were off but not drastic and there was free fluid in his abdomen again not much some blood in urine i brought him home with abs and tramadol to return friday 

However his condition worsened significantly and he began fitting she made a home visit and he was very poorly so we decided pts ( she suspected brain tumour but i guess we will never know now)   i am devastated beyond words not eating not sleeping riddled with guilt iwas on holiday could i have done more etc etc

I had him cremated but cant look at the casket my majestic soul mate companion best friend it doesnt feel right how could he go that quick ? Im really in a dark place with it all has anyone else felt this down dark and empty when will ( if ever) will i be able to cope ?? Please help

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Dear one, all I can tell you is that you're feeling this much pain because it's directly related to how very much you love your animal companion. We do not grieve for those we do not love ~ and the more we love, the harder we grieve. We (fellow animal lovers whose animal companions have died) all know how much this hurts, and right now I encourage you to lean into the pain and know that it's okay to feel whatever you are feeling. I've yet to meet a bereaved animal lover who didn't feel guilty in the wake of making the euthanasia decision ~ but it is a choice we make when we love enough to put our animal's needs above our own. We choose to exchange their suffering for our own. We let them go, and then our suffering begins. There is no greater love than that. Please be patient with yourself. And learn something about what is normal and to be expected when we lose an animal we love so much.

See, for example,

Pet Loss: Is It a Different Kind of Grief?

Common Myths, Misconceptions about Pet Loss 

 Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of a Loved One?

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Thankyou so much for your reply i feel like only fellow animal lovers understand and i need their reassurance at this moment 

I have no one who fully understands he was and is my baby i will grieve for him forever this pain is unbearable i am looking for answers and questioning did i do enough ? Im just heartbroken x

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@Dixiebum I am so sorry.  In spite of all we do sometimes they just go...I wish they lived longer, Lord knows they are God's greatest gift to us,  Ijust wish they lived longer than they do.  Marty is right, guilt and what ifs are common in grief, I honestly think it's our way of trying to find a different outcome.  Without reading Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of a Loved One, I can honestly answer Yes, and then some!  Animals are loyal and loving and devoted, how could we NOT grieve them!

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

For my ladies group this week I was given the homework of finding where in the Bible it says God wants us to love him as dogs love us...I found it, but it's in the greek...the word for worship is Proskuneo and it means (meaning to kiss, like a dog licking his master's hand); to fawn or crouch to, i.e. (literally or figuratively) prostrate oneself in homage (do reverence to, adore):--worship.  God thinks so highly of a dog that He literally wants us to worship Him in the same way our dog shows devotion to us!  ()Strong's Concordance #4352).  That says a lot about dogs and our connection with them.

Will you get over it?  No.  But we do eventually get more used to their being gone so that the intensity lessens enough for us to endure it better than in the beginning.  It's hard, the hardest thing in the world, and my heart goes out to you in your loss.  I know I will be facing this one day with my dog Arlie, and I can think of nothing worse (he's 10 and already exceeding his breed's average life span).  

Sometimes it helps to memorialize them...I have bought grave markers for my pets in recent years.  For larger dogs that are cremated, perhaps making a shadow box with their collar, a favorite toy, their urn.  
 

 

 

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Thankyou thankyou thankyou my grieving is normal this pain that cripples is out of love because boy did i love my Dixie i believe more than anyone in this world 

The ifs buts whys torment me why did i go on holiday how could my proud athletic boy deterioate so quick should i of tried harder before pts ???? These are things i will have to find peace with

I plan to speak to the vet see if she can ease some of it 

I am indebted for your replys xxx

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Just try not to be too hard on yourself.  You'd have done anything for him, the same as the rest of us...

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Thankyou i would of done absolutely anything for him and have to accept the ultimate act of love was to end his suffering im hoping time will do this 

Mothers day was hard yesterday i think of him 24/7 feel guilty to eat of sleep its just so tough xx

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I am going through the same exact thing and it is the worst pain I ever had. I lost my Magic dog on March 20th not even a week yet and it feels like years since I seen him.  The house is not the same at all and the pain is so bad. Dixiebum I totally understand how you are feeling. SO sorry for your loss.

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Aww magics i feel for you the pain sense of loss and guilt is unbearable its 19 days since my lad grew his wings i still cry everyday wakeup hoping its a dream but no

I will miss him and love him forever as will you but im realising for me i had to make the ultimate decision out of love for him not to suffer i had too and boy i am

Its still raw but im able to look at his pics now  and speak his name without being hysterical its a slow process and i wish you well the love we have lost was special dont ever think i will find it again but im so lucky to have ever had it xx

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Magics,

So sorry for your loss too, it's the hardest thing in the world.  Like Dixiebum says, it's a slow process.  

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thank you KayC and to Dixiebum I can't seem to shake this pain in my heart. I am already not so well with my health. I miss my boy like crazy as he was not only my best friend he was my soulmate now he is my Dog Angel. So is yours. I never want to go through this again this way. My Daddy passed here in my house in 2013 that was hard enough but I knew he was suffering too and he went peacefully in his sleep. My Magic was eating something when she gave him his first shot and then the 2nd and third I will never forget the image - I am so bothered by it. Maybe I will go to grief counselor for pets. He was my second son. I feel all alone now. I don't want to cry with anyone they do not know my heart and hurting right now. Please reach out to me. I am here for you. You are right that love is special beyond compare. Mona 

Magic Baby.jpg

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I'm so sorry, I wish there was something we could say or do to ease the pain of your heart.  He's beautiful.  I can feel how much you want to put your arms around him.  

 

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Thank you KayC the video got me crying it is beautiful. Today is one week my Magic gone This house is not the same.I go outside at night like I did everynight and look for him in the yard - it is so hard. I do not think rather I know in my heart I will never get over this. Thank you for your words of comfort. I appreciate that so much

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19 hours ago, magics said:

I do not think rather I know in my heart I will never get over this.

I don't think loss/grief is something we "get over" but rather learn to get through...little by little we begin to adjust and cope, it can take a very long time for that adjustment and we're all different just as our relationships are different and our coping skills/personalities are different, so is the effort we put into our grief and adjustment.

I love my dog...no, I mean I REALLY love my dog!  I got woke up different times in the night, last one being at 1:30 am...I laid there until 4 am trying unsuccessfully to get back to sleep, but as I laid there, I was listening to my dog's breathing, soft snoring, and it was such a comforting sound to me.  Someday that sound will be gone, I will be where you are now, I have no idea how I'll get through it, but I reckon the same way I got through my husband's death.  It felt like I died that day, and in a way, I did, the old life we had was gone, I had to learn to live without him, no longer able to snuggle up in his arms or feel protected like he made me feel.  No longer able to talk over my day with him or consult with him about things (well, I still do, I just don't get an audible reply).  There is no end to this journey, no expiration date on grief.  When my husband died, from that moment on, everything in my life was "before" or "after" that point.  That was nearly 13 years ago.  I've learned to live alone, I've learned to make all the decisions, to hire contractors, to live on a strict budget, to be my own best friend.  I've learned to create some what of a life I can live, enough interaction with others that I'm not 100% isolated.  After I retired I had to develop a schedule, get involved with some volunteer activities in my church and senior site to keep busy.  My purpose is in helping others with grief.  I've heard Dr. Phil say a couple of times that we need to find meaning in our grief/suffering, and I have found that to be true.  It helps.  

Nine years ago I adopted my big boy...he was a 79 lb Siberian Husky/Golden Retriever that developed into 140 lbs!  They had told me he was 63 lbs, but they must have weighed him when they found him, not when he left, because the vet said otherwise.  He has health issues, Colitis, and I cook for him, for the rest of his life.  He's now at goal weight, 109.  He's the love of my life, other than my deceased husband, my other "soulmate".  I know no other dog will replace him, and I'll never have another Arlie.  But I also can't see me living without a dog in my life, living totally alone (Kitty is 23 and doesn't have a whole lot longer).  I imagine I will adopt another dog after Arlie goes, how long I'll wait, I don't know, I'll know when the time is right and when I meet the right one, just as I knew with Arlie.  But my heart will forever grieve Arlie when he goes, just as I continue to grieve Skye, my granddoggy that used to live with me, he's been gone 4 1/2 years now, hard to believe!  He was very special and I'll never meet another like him.

You will always grieve your Magic, but hopefully will learn to continue with him living inside your heart now.
This is my Arlie...

Arlie at Paul's.jpg

 

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On 26/03/2018 at 4:23 PM, magics said:

thank you KayC and to Dixiebum I can't seem to shake this pain in my heart. I am already not so well with my health. I miss my boy like crazy as he was not only my best friend he was my soulmate now he is my Dog Angel. So is yours. I never want to go through this again this way. My Daddy passed here in my house in 2013 that was hard enough but I knew he was suffering too and he went peacefully in his sleep. My Magic was eating something when she gave him his first shot and then the 2nd and third I will never forget the image - I am so bothered by it. Maybe I will go to grief counselor for pets. He was my second son. I feel all alone now. I don't want to cry with anyone they do not know my heart and hurting right now. Please reach out to me. I am here for you. You are right that love is special beyond compare. Mona 

Magic Baby.jpg

Aww magics i feel for you the pain sense of loss and guilt is unbearable its 19 days since my lad grew his wings i still cry everyday wakeup hoping its a dream but no

I will miss him and love him forever as will you but im realising for me i had to make the ultimate decision out of love for him not to suffer i had too and boy i am

Its still raw but im able to look at his pics now  and speak his name without being hysterical its a slow process and i wish you well the love we have lost was special dont ever think i will find it again but im s

received_10211295965452592.jpeg

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On 3/28/2018 at 8:15 AM, kayc said:

I don't think loss/grief is something we "get over" but rather learn to get through...little by little we begin to adjust and cope, it can take a very long time for that adjustment and we're all different just as our relationships are different and our coping skills/personalities are different, so is the effort we put into our grief and adjustment.

I love my dog...no, I mean I REALLY love my dog!  I got woke up different times in the night, last one being at 1:30 am...I laid there until 4 am trying unsuccessfully to get back to sleep, but as I laid there, I was listening to my dog's breathing, soft snoring, and it was such a comforting sound to me.  Someday that sound will be gone, I will be where you are now, I have no idea how I'll get through it, but I reckon the same way I got through my husband's death.  It felt like I died that day, and in a way, I did, the old life we had was gone, I had to learn to live without him, no longer able to snuggle up in his arms or feel protected like he made me feel.  No longer able to talk over my day with him or consult with him about things (well, I still do, I just don't get an audible reply).  There is no end to this journey, no expiration date on grief.  When my husband died, from that moment on, everything in my life was "before" or "after" that point.  That was nearly 13 years ago.  I've learned to live alone, I've learned to make all the decisions, to hire contractors, to live on a strict budget, to be my own best friend.  I've learned to create some what of a life I can live, enough interaction with others that I'm not 100% isolated.  After I retired I had to develop a schedule, get involved with some volunteer activities in my church and senior site to keep busy.  My purpose is in helping others with grief.  I've heard Dr. Phil say a couple of times that we need to find meaning in our grief/suffering, and I have found that to be true.  It helps.  

Nine years ago I adopted my big boy...he was a 79 lb Siberian Husky/Golden Retriever that developed into 140 lbs!  They had told me he was 63 lbs, but they must have weighed him when they found him, not when he left, because the vet said otherwise.  He has health issues, Colitis, and I cook for him, for the rest of his life.  He's now at goal weight, 109.  He's the love of my life, other than my deceased husband, my other "soulmate".  I know no other dog will replace him, and I'll never have another Arlie.  But I also can't see me living without a dog in my life, living totally alone (Kitty is 23 and doesn't have a whole lot longer).  I imagine I will adopt another dog after Arlie goes, how long I'll wait, I don't know, I'll know when the time is right and when I meet the right one, just as I knew with Arlie.  But my heart will forever grieve Arlie when he goes, just as I continue to grieve Skye, my granddoggy that used to live with me, he's been gone 4 1/2 years now, hard to believe!  He was very special and I'll never meet another like him.

You will always grieve your Magic, but hopefully will learn to continue with him living inside your heart now.
This is my Arlie...

Arlie at Paul's.jpg

 

KayC your story just tore at my heart and I hear you when you say to process your grief you now help others. I love that about you and you are so right our dogs are such a part of us and nothing or no one will ever change that fact. He is a beautiful dog <3 I know it time I will get another dog but I must heal my heart first as I would not be mentally or psychically  ready with my health issues and bad back. I have been looking at Shelties all week and they are all beautiful. I just need proper time to grieve my Magic and not rush to get another dog so fast. I know people have said get another dog it will help but all in good time GOd Bless you

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4 weeks today the pain remains raw and intense i miss him desperately i smile on the outside continue everyday life its just all feels heavy and tainted 

Friends and family dont know or maybe choose to ignore thinking its for the best my suffering its just draining 

Xxx

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2 hours ago, Dixiebum said:

Friends and family dont know or maybe choose to ignore thinking its for the best my suffering its just draining 

I think that is one of the most difficult aspects of having lost a beloved animal companion. Our loss is discounted, avoided, ignored, misunderstood by others ~ what Ken Doka referred to as disenfranchised grief. You may find these articles helpful: 

Pet Loss: Is It A Different Kind of Grief?

Losing A Cherished Pet: Myths and Misconceptions

I Don't Care How Long It's Been -- Can We Talk About My Loved One?

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