Mom

[kayc]

Doctor sent referral to orthopedic clinic Monday but haven't heard back yet.  I made the 120 mile trip to the doctor yesterday, couldn't take the pain any more, it's been five months.  To top it off my sister spread her wart to me and wouldn't you know, I got it on the inside of my right thumb, right where it hurts the worst!  I couldn't figure out how I got it as I haven't touched anyone but when I put her walker in my car, I lifted grasping the handle...it was after I got it my sister told me she's had them in the same spot for two years and done nothing about it.  I'd never had one before.  The doctor said some hurt, some don't, I figure it's so painful because of WHERE I have it being spot on where my hand hurts the most.  She gave me a cortisone shot but not in the hand so won't be as effective, but I'll take anything, also sent a bit of Lidocaine home with me.  She said to give it until Monday and if I don't hear from the Orthopedic Clinic to call them.  Gone are the days they call within a day!

I feel for you, my last attempt at marriage (very short lived) was to someone who conned me...he turned out to be a narcissist also.  At least him I could divorce (should have annulled it as he was never a "husband").  But I would do whatever I could to protect myself from such a brother....I've learned narcissists are a losing situation.  I actually feel for them though, they do not have the ability to love like the rest of us, nor feel it, they "mimic" what they think works.  Everything is an imitation.  They get what they want, they use people.  Everything is in relation to them.  Did I send you the eBook I have on it?  If not, message me your email address and I will.  It was helpful to me in understanding what was going on with him.

I know if anyone reads here, it's kind of liking seeing into a friendship, sort of like a pen pal.    That's okay, they can skip and ignore if they want.  It helps to have someone to talk to now and then.  I guess to an outsider it'd seem pathetic we talk to a stranger, but honestly, sometimes it's easier than the people in our lives.  Esp. if it's someone who "gets it."

The life of a dementia parent...a whole new ballgame all of it's own.  I won't forget it, it's like entering a different world.  My sisters didn't begin to see it, they were rarely there.

Thank you for your prayers...one is answered already.  The guy that mows my lawn and sells me my firewood offered to bring firewood up on my patio once a week while my hand is out of commission.  I'm in so much pain now I can barely use my hand.  I'll have to contact the church to get someone to go with me to get groceries as I won't be able to lift it into the car or house by myself.  I can probably put things away one handed.  I'm so desperate right now if they said they had an opening tomorrow, I'd take it, but I know that won't happen, they have to first assess it themselves.  Patience...  And I do need to begin training the girl to do my job, can't until Sept. and even then I'll be showing her things through the end of February.  It's easier to do yourself that walk someone through it, it takes much more time and thinking.

I know between your brother and your dad it has to be frustrating...try to zone out a bit when you can't handle it any more...maybe take a trip to a nice island where you're all alone...in your head, of course.  Something to be said for solitude!

 

[Tachi]

Hang in there and keep after the doc, dont be shy of asking for help. My mom never wanted to. All 5 foot of her 93 yearold body would be climbing on the kitchen counter to get in the top cabinets. finally got her to promise to come get me instead lol. Theres still some good people around. Sounds like that young fella has a good heart. 

everything is an imitation...yep that both my dad and my brother. I now see it. Really neither hide it well. And have no clue I know. Maybe its just a natural tool of the beast. 

Tbh I wont ever get married again. At this point I really dont have anything to offer and dont have the time or money. Even if I did my emotions are enough of a rollercoaster to not inflict it on them. From what ive seen from this point in life on people just want to find someone they can stand being with so theyre not alone. If it makes em happy more power to em. never been that way and never will.

Will keep praying for things to keep happening. 

I would normally be happy to just do artwork in my sparetime and its enough. lost the use of the software I know, the one I was learning and so am learning the rest and no doing well. Been working into one in Photoshop the past two days, going thru a tutorial. It just wont work. I might just breakdown and buy a class or two online. It feels like cheating but...

I dont know how much repair you have on your place. Its starting to pile up here. This is what my brother refuses to understand, the things that need to be fixed that either pay for repair or spend time I dont have. The yard is burning up. Grass is turning to dirt. the sprinkler system needs fixing. Some heads are crooked and I doubt the waterflow is correct, I need to replace some faucet gaskets and gaskets in the hosereels. need to clean off the patio furniture. I would love to clean out the garage and have someone buy dads tools and stuff but he wont sell it. he still thinks he can do everything. last one was fixing a light socket, that was plugged in. We dont even need his powersaws and etc.

He also has been having digestive issues. So he tells me he will leave it to me to change his diet and fix things. I politely and firmly refused and told him im not a doctor. I do remember being told 4 years ago or so that hes lactose challenged and Gluten challenged, so now on a diet free of both. Personally I think his intestine has just lost its muscular abilities. no strength. I also suspect he has something else internal going on. Esp since hes sleeping alot.

Well, if that didnt put ya to sleep i dont know what will. Hopefully nothing else bad will happen, need good stuff to happen. Take good care of yourself and hang in there.

[kayc]

On 8/19/2020 at 10:33 PM, Tachi said:

I might just breakdown and buy a class or two online. It feels like cheating but...

No, not cheating, smart!

Can't figure this new website stuff out, half the time it won't respond!  Awk!

That young feller is in his 50s, which I guess seems young to me anymore, ha!  I hope he can continue what he does here as I know of no one else to call on.  He's a real asset, tons of energy, hard worker.

I've learned to live w/o gluten or milk, bake with coconut milk, almond or coconut flour, whipping cream, mozzarella, cream cheese, funny with my lactose intolerance, I don't have problems with them.  I had an intolerance for eggs but it seems to have improved with my Keto diet.
For instance, I love this recipe, might want to try it if you have a waffle maker, I usually double it and make four squares.  I usually add cinnamon to it.
 

Easy Keto Peanut Butter Chaffle Recipe

1 egg

1/3 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

2 tbsp peanut butter or nut butter

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tbsp of monk fruit or Swerve

Simply mix together the 5 ingredients and pour HALF of the batter into a greased pre-heated mini waffle maker. Close the lid and allow it to cook for 3-4 minutes or until the automatic timer or light goes off; repeat for next waffle.

 

[Tachi]

Thx for the recipe, going to try it. Dad gets real upset about something. i question him carefully to see if we can help. then he talks to his doctor and tells her different things than what he told me. lol. he has the occasional urgen poo. I vaguely remember he had some issues with milk and gluten, so we are now avoiding both and is hard to find food. 

Thank goodness you mentioned the site. I thought maybe my computer was messing up. 

Im 62 so yep hes a kid. Sounds like a good one too. Sounds like you get along well, outside of your injuries. Its funny to me seeing people so much younger acting like theyre the authority of things. No clue. 

well, dad is going out tomorrow. His buddies are flying their planes in some field. hes going to get up at 7 despite his sleeping pill. No idea where hes goin or when hes comin back, they might go out to lunch. But his buddy is taking him and I trust the guy. Just worry bout him walking on a filed, hes horrible on uneven ground.

I like your method, eat what works for you. For me is chicken and rice w/ some green veges. just feels good. I think I should have saved Moms cookbook and sent it to ya instead of my cousin. Its rather odd how all my life i kind of thought things would just turn out, like cosmic justice. Doesnt exist. I realised that bad things happen to good people and if we dont take care of things ourselves then its not going to happen. You really do have to fight for yourself. 

Time to fix the laptop, I hope. been having lots of trouble the past few weeks and nothing has helped yet. 

take good care of yourself, hoping and praying for the hand and all the aches.

[kayc]

9 hours ago, Tachi said:

For me is chicken and rice w/ some green veges.

When my mom got her soc. sec. ck, beginning of the month, she'd buy groceries, come home and make whole grain rice, broccoli and chicken and put individual packets into the freezer for the month and every day at 4:00 she'd thaw and heat one in the microwave.  She loved it when I took her out so she could have something different!  It never occurred to her that she could fix different things.  But she gave half her money away to t.v. ministries so was afraid she wouldn't have food to eat by the end of the month.  I'd often have to buy her produce the last half of the month.   Parents can be strange as they age, esp. with dementia onset.

I'm afraid I'm much like her in the respect I'm highly organized, efficient, predictable, stable.  I guess there's something to be said for that as she lived alone until she was 90, but my brother checked on her once a week and the last few years chopped wood for her and mowed her lawn, he's the only one of us kids that lived in the same town as her.  I'd take her shopping but the last two years she wouldn't allow me in her house, I think maybe she was worried I'd notice something?  Dementia patients do not want to lose control so they carefully guard their secrets of things changing for fear of that very thing.

I have so many cookbooks I want to get rid of 2/3 of them, can't fix what's in them anymore anyway with my change of diet.  I always loved cooking!  I spent most of the day cooking yesterday, fixing Italian recipes without pasta, that's a trick!  But it was very good.  I'm so thankful for my Diabetes Group, for all of the information and recipes!

Good luck with your laptop!  When I took mine to my son's a couple of months ago it was acting up so that I couldn't use it.  I turned it on the other day and it was fine!  Who knows???

Enjoy the day off with your dad gone!

Here's another one w/o milk, I find cream cheese, whipping cream, and yogurt process differently than milk in our bodies...
 

KETO PANCAKES

Ingredients:

½ cup almond flour
4 oz cream cheese, softened
4 large eggs
1 tsp baking powder
butter for frying

Add vanilla, sweetener, cinnamon to taste

Instructions:

1.   Heat a skillet to medium, and let the pan get hot while you make the batter.

2.   In a medium bowl, briskly whisk the eggs together. The more air you whisk into them, the fluffier the pancakes will be.

3.   Add the cream cheese and almond flour to your beaten eggs; whisk together until well combined.

4.   Add a little butter to your hot skillet, and pour about 3 tablespoons of your batter into the pan; cook until golden. Flip and cook again until golden (about 2 minutes on each side).

5.   Continue with the rest of the batter.

6.   Serve with butter and sugar-free syrup. Enjoy!

 1 Carb

[Tachi]

Have to wait til dad gets paid again to food shop then will try these new things, they sound good. He went out with his buddies the other day then had lunch. he didnt even think of his new diet so i'm not going to do it for him anymore, why bother. he got one of his attacks the next afternoon, no idea if that was the cause. no idea if lactose or wheat flour etc is doing it. 

He had a virtual doctors visit and he was telling her different things than what he had told me. Its harder to cook special for him and I dont think is worth it. He did agree to do PT inhome. We get a very nice younger woman. As soon as she sjowed up Dads hearing aids went out, both. So I was answering all her questions and yelling her other questions in her ear. now until wed its a very loud tv that he doesnt understand I wont sit with. I suspect hes faking but what can one do. Each hearing aid cost $2400 and go out about once every other month. I never know if its broken or what.

Your Mom was probably afraid of you seeing how she coped and that you might see that she had slipped and couldnt be as she always was. My dads same way. he cant work the remote half the time. But its always the remote or the tv at fault. I agree dementia is a different reality. Your Mom was blessed to have you helping out. 

The good thing about being disciplined is it makes it easier later in life I think. You have the good habits to get things done on autopilot. My Mom had her routine and I didnt get it until she was gone but thats how she coped. She never let on and I never saw it. And thats one of my deep regrets. 

I often wonder if once the nest is empty if cooking becomes lees important. maybe not al at once but slowly. Cooking like you and my Mom did is less popular I guess. I enjoy it as long as I can keep it simple. Altho I love trying new things I tend to find a few things that treat me well and stick to them.

Our range, sigh, its a convection range which means it has to have a certain iron skillet etc, and what we have sticks like crazy. Even with oil or butter everything sticks. I sincerely miss my teflon coated pans of old. beautifull things they were. Dad doesnt understand that i just cant cook whatever, and that im not the excellent cook Mom was.

You should gather recipes with your diet and write a cookbook. 

I finally reinstalled Windows on my laptop. It erased most everything but so far its fixed. Their tech support was worthless. I dont think I lost anything. They are evil little critters.

Thanks for the recipes, will try next time I can go food shopping. I was making my dad corn tortillas with sausage and egg and he doesnt like nontraditional food. Its got to be what his Mom gave him or it isnt food. Well, he can go back to what he had before. Ill give him an egg sandwich tomorrow. Then the pancakes when I can, he'll love em.

Learned that despite what hes always told me he doesnt have a DNR order in the house. Claims theres one at the doctors and his hospital but no idea now. We are going to get a POA both legal and health, a DNR for the home and check the other two places. And we're doing a Trust to cover passing his household possessions. I hope thats all. Oh, and hes buying a new bed. he keeps trying to go out and shop and I defer him to online shopping. I know hes bored and he got to go out. but he doesnt need to tempt fate nor do i. His version of shopping is spending all day going from store to store with no idea where to find what he wants. my version of shopping is to think and decide what you want, look online and find it, then if you can get it online then do so. i dont like wasting time i guess

Anyway, thats my latest book and I hope it helps you fall asleep lol.

Oh, hows kody doing? is hes growing big?

Take good care and will catch ya later.

 

 

[kayc]

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

he didnt even think of his new diet so i'm not going to do it for him anymore, why bother.

Because it's what he needs.  Of course he didn't think about it, he has dementia.  They forget everything but can also be lucid the next moment, no predicting.
I ran across this recipe the other day, can't wait to try!
 

Keto Pumpkin Pancakes

Ingredients:

·        1 cup almond flour

·        2 tsp. cinnamon

·        ½ tsp. ground ginger

·        ¼ tsp. allspice

·        1/8 tsp. ground cloves

·        ½ tsp. baking powder

·        Pinch salt

·        ¼ c. canned pumpkin

·        2 Tbsp. oil

·        ¼ c. unsweetened almond milk

·        1 Tbsp. erythritol

·     1/8 tsp. stevia glycerite

·        2 eggs, separated

Instructions:

1.   Mix together almond flour, spices, salt, and baking powder. Stir in the rest of the ingredients (may want to leave out the egg whites) until well combined. For light and fluffy waffles, it’s best to separate the egg whites out, whip them to a stiff peak, and fold into the batter.

2.   Drop by heaping tablespoonfuls onto pan and cook on medium heat, flipping each pancake once to cook each side.

Makes 10-12 small pancakes with a typical serving being 3 pancakes so net carbs per serving is about 6 grams.

Nutrition Serving: 1pancake | Calories: 89kcal | Carbohydrates: 3g

[kayc]

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

Dads hearing aids went out, both.

I have a friend this happened to, she hadn't had them long...she took them to Costco, where she got them, they were full of ear wax.  Might try checking for that.  Sometimes it's something simple.

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

I often wonder if once the nest is empty if cooking becomes lees important.

Yes!  I read on the grief sites every day and people who have lost their spouse don't care what they eat.  That and having to do everything around the place yourself makes you tired so you don't care, you just want something quick & easy.  I've had to learn to value myself and do it for ME, I am no less valuable than my husband was, it's just not the way we're raised to think.

14 hours ago, Tachi said:

I tend to find a few things that treat me well and stick to them.

That's what a lot of us do.  I remember George (iPraiseHim) saying when he started Keto he had about 1/2 dozen recipes and he'd use those until gradually he began to compile more.  I started with meat and greens, and finally began collecting recipes and are out of this world, recently it was Keto Zucchini Lasagna, makes you WANT to cook as it's so good!

I'm with you, I don't like shopping...crowds, impulse shopping, traffic, parking, lines, nope!  I prefer on line.  

Kodie is getting heavy.  May end up bigger than his parents!  He is forever chewing, it's what he does all day when not playing with Bella (his play date) or going on walks or eating.  Puppies have so much energy!

Good luck with your dad, yes, I do know how it is...

[Tachi]

Gee whiz, I apologize, time is not my ally anymore, I just dont seem to undrstand how to manage it. 

I thank you again for the recipes, will try em as soon as I can. I dont stand halloween. I dont get why people think all that horror is ok just because it isnt real. Several years ago at work i heard the lil skull scream and i saw it fill with blood and it struck me so hard. Even tho all that is play or fantasy it still effects your mind and soul. I think thats why so many of these people can do horrendous things, their victims arent real to them. Its like a game. 

I do love Fall though. the colors and the cool temps and hopefully rain. 

Too bad kody cant share his energy, maybe he does a bit. Its always good to have that joy around tho. Thats how we are as kids. No worries no doubts, no fears. just a joy in and of it all. I know he's good company. 

Went to the audiologist. very nice girl fixes the aids. dad sits down and she asks whats wrong. he looks at her and says "They're both workin now".....lol....but she cleaned em and attuned em. If the wax impacts the filters etc then apparent he either cant hear anything or it stops working. Dad had told me the filters were nothing and the dial didnt do anything (volume) and the button was nothing (modes). So he has forgotten it all and im best off researching on google. But we gt his ears working, she gave us some new filters and batteries. I had googled and saw that they have a remote. Found it in the closet and she fixed it up. he can adjust volume now. 

Found out that despite what dad told me he doesnt have a DNR at the house and I wonder if he has one at the doctors and hospital. Did some research and we can do that without an atty tho I need to do some reading on it. 

We also need both Powers of Atty and t set up a Trust. Tho an atty laid out options for me that apparently in Texas may not need to but again have some reading to do. Then will have to catch dad on a strong day and make a trip for signatures and notaries. 

he likes his PT that comes to the house, nice folks. he rolls his eyes because he doesnt have to work hard. he had PT after his stroke and they worked him so hard he was sore and never went back. I told them about that, but I hope they step him up. But then it doesnt do much good because he wont do anything on his own. he's supposed to do the routine every day, nope. The exercises he does are the same ones I and his neurologist suggested he do, so hes been able to do these at home all this time. But it gets him someone to see twice a week so its worth that. 

Going to say the obvious, but I get the impression that your George was a very good man. 

Yes, you have to take some time for you. Even if its 30 minutes every night. Read, listen to music, light some candles, take a walk. So many people get numb over the years. So many things are closed to them by their own doing. And once we start being that way its harder to change it. better to never get that way. I think part of my Moms loneliness was that her life was family for so long she forgot herself. i wish I could have done more for her. I wish people would understand. I could tell them but they wouldnt listen. 

Take good care of yourself and kody. We are past the hot weather and headed into Fall. next week a couple days with highs in the 70s and rain. 

[kayc]

19 hours ago, Tachi said:

he doesnt have a DNR at the house

My doctor had me fill out some paperwork, I appointed my son as the person making the determination because I don't trust outsiders, including medical personnel.  And DNR is so cut and dried, it doesn't allow for extenuating circumstances.  I don't want brought back if there's nothing can be done, I don't want left a vegetable, but if it's a matter of restarting my heart, that can be a different matter...usually they don't have time to consult with someone though.  And that time can be crucial.  VERY hard to convey on paper what you'd want!

 Hard to believe TX is cool and we're having a heat wave!  In the 90s here, 100s in Eugene, very uncharacteristic!

I'm sorry people don't listen (about your mom).  It helps to have someone to talk to, I'm glad I have my sisters.  It's getting harder to talk to Peggy though with her dementia.  Her brain processing just isn't working right and she says inappropriate things, I often have to explain and explain things to her, but she just doesn't get it anymore.    I know you know what I'm talking about!  (She's the one that lives here in the same town.)  The future scares me so I try not to go there too much.  All of the worry or fear doesn't change anything anyway!

It's good your dad likes the PT but I agree, it does no good if he doesn't work on it in between visits.

[Tachi]

On 9/7/2020 at 9:38 AM, kayc said:

had a short conversation with an EMT. basically the DNR document has to be present, they have to have it in their hands or they wont honor it. Theres a part of the Texas State website that has info and downloadable forms. Just need to understand their instructions as to who has to sign. I 'think' we will need the doc to sign and then see the notary. 

The Trust is very simple and had an atty tell me we dont have to list every item. Then both powers of Attorney I need to look at and be sure everything is covered. 

he is at the point where i dont understand him half the time. 

I agree completely, if im not me then theres no reason to be alive. I never want to be a ward of the state and an invalid and be abused. None of that is living and has a point. Medicine has extended life but not made our minds last longer as far as quality or helped our bodies age better. We dont teach lifeskills esp for aging. i keep preachin it. 

I envied your weather the past two days. We were nice and cool and cloudy and rain. I imagined you folks get that alot. Perfect weather for me. Now it will be upper 80s but nights have cooled off. Fall is here.

Sometimes I wonder if it better to know and not be able to do or to just not know. I sometimes have to explain the same thing to my day during the day. just a fact of life. bad thing is he hardly ever communicates. he had PT scheduled the other day, didnt fee like doing it but forgot to cancel and didnt tell me a thing. Way he talks he is always very weak, yet he does the PT for them and complains to me its too easy, but he wont say anything. 

Regards Peggy, can you read her face? I mean does she show her moods etc very well in her face? I see it in my dad. I see hes weak when he sits at the table and doesnt hold his head up. but theres alot I cant read, and understand. 

Is there any progress on your pain? I keep hoping the doc will come through. 

And how is Kody? Will he be wearing a doggie sweater this winter? Always wondered if those were any good. 

Take good care of yourself

 

 

[kayc]

16 hours ago, Tachi said:

I envied your weather the past two days.

Do not.  Half of OR is on fire and our smoke level through the charts!  Yesterday our air quality was 600+, in my entire life I've never seen it this bad.  Two years ago it was almost 500 for a couple of days...this is lasting a lot longer and way worse.  The cooler weather is because the smoke is not allowing the sun through.  At this point we are all praying for rain.  So many have lost their homes, evacuations sites set up everywhere they can.  My son's homes in danger (yes he has signed and paid earnest $ on the new place).

I'm waiting for the chimney sweep to come before I build a fire, meanwhile, it's 62 in here, a lot colder than I'd like!

16 hours ago, Tachi said:

Is there any progress on your pain? I keep hoping the doc will come through.

No as all they say will help me is surgery and I can't get in for the eval for two more months.  Doctors aren't very caring or accommodating.

Kodie is wonderful!  I will be going away Thursday through Sunday, had someone offer to take care of him, I will be a worrywart as moms are, but I need to do this and will pray for him while I'm gone.  I love that little guy so much!  I never expected to feel this much for anyone after Arlie but I do...it's just different/unique as each relationship is.

Peggy is hard to read.  Update:  Bert went into the hospital several days ago, he has a cancerous tumor in his stomach, I'm thinking he hasn't long, they gave him several transfusions, will know how his blood is doing maybe tomorrow.  Once they know more it will be for him and his doctor to decide where to go from here.  He doesn't know God so that has me greatly concerned.  Peggy is not able bodied, she has never gotten exercise or taken care of herself and smokes  a LOT, I am unable to spend time in her house, I did a couple of days ago but am suffering for it.  It's horrible, she's a very heavy inside smoker.  She's unable to drive and uses a walker, even then she falls.  He has his store that is FULL of stuff and will need cleaned out at some point as he's still paying rent on it but hasn't opened it since the pandemic.  Their house is also full of stuff, I can't go through anything myself right now, am barely surviving myself, I need surgery!

Dementia is a whole new ballgame...we can't fault them for their responses as they have no control over how their brain is.  In the early dementia they can be puzzled and scared, as it progresses, it's kind of a merciful release for them as they are no longer aware...it is US who remain puzzled, confused!

 

[Tachi]

sigh, typed comment in the wrong place. never try and think at 2am i guess. lol

[kayc]

No decisions have to be made, it's metathesized , they put him in a hospice house and he's not expected to live out the week.  I took her in to see him today, we were gone 7 hours, it's a ways away.

[Tachi]

On 9/20/2020 at 8:32 PM, kayc said:

No decisions have to be made, it's metathesized , they put him in a hospice house and he's not expected to live out the week.  I took her in to see him today, we were gone 7 hours, it's a ways away.

Im sorry to hear. For all we think we know and can do. Things are still beyond us. My prayers are with you folks and him.

I hope you're doing ok. We have one more warm day then a cold front. Set exam date for 17 days away, made the mistake of telling dad and now hes coming up with problem after problem. Things he didnt care about for years suddenly he needs fixed.

Need to do some reading on creating POA for Dad. Take good care

[kayc]

He passed on Wednesday morning, we ordered cremation and I'm having my neighbor make a special wooden box for him.  Peggy is doing as well as can be expected, she hasn't lived alone and she's very disabled but she's proven herself very capable this week.  My heart goes out to her as I know what it's like, it's such a shock as it went so fast.

It's sent my blood sugar up to 149 this week, the highest it's been in nine months, but today it's back down to 101.  I'm having to work at de-stressing.

POA is as simple as filling out a form and having a notary witness/sign it.  I used to have one for George.

[Tachi]

On 9/27/2020 at 8:24 AM, kayc said:

He passed on Wednesday morning, we ordered cremation and I'm having my neighbor make a special wooden box for him.  Peggy is doing as well as can be expected, she hasn't lived alone and she's very disabled but she's proven herself very capable this week.  My heart goes out to her as I know what it's like, it's such a shock as it went so fast.

It's sent my blood sugar up to 149 this week, the highest it's been in nine months, but today it's back down to 101.  I'm having to work at de-stressing.

POA is as simple as filling out a form and having a notary witness/sign it.  I used to have one for George.

Take good care of yourself. My heart goes out to her also. And my thoughts and prayers. There has been what seems more than the usual pain and tragedy lately. When I lost Mom it wasnt like anyone else. I was just totally numb for awhile. 

Yesterday dad was talking about how hard it is to stand up from the chair. So i preached doing his PT. Today hes walking without his walker. I have no idea what to think. 

Finally taking exam in two weeks. Since I announced that dad suddenly feels the urge to resolve all his problems lol. I dont feel ready tbh and I expect a bad outcome but have to take it. I don't know why but it's just so hard to focus and to remember. 

Theres a Notary at my Wells fargo I think. Will look at the POA tonight and with luck we can get the POA and DNR stuff done.

Thank you

Take good care of yourself and your furry energetic friend. 

[kayc]

I hope you can set aside some time every day for YOURSELF to study, review in preparation for your test.  Your dad is not the only one that matters, you do too!

Peggy told me on my way out the door yesterday that she wanted to wait until today to go pick up his ashes and death certificates so it looks like I'll be gone all day today again, getting exhausted and will be gone the next six days in a row, I find I need to be home every other day as it's exhausting to be on the go this much and I need time to cook, etc.  I got my house cleaned except for the dusting but have to order a generlink and generator and set up a time with the electric company to hook it up to my house.  All that takes time I don't have right now.

What a week!  Had a funeral to attend Monday (someone else).  Blood sugar up & down but overall not bad considering the stress I'm under right now.

Good luck on your test, hoping it goes better than you think it will!  I do understand how stress gives us foggy brain.

[Tachi]

On 9/30/2020 at 11:17 AM, kayc said:

I hope you can set aside some time every day for YOURSELF to study, review in preparation for your test.  Your dad is not the only one that matters, you do too!

Peggy told me on my way out the door yesterday that she wanted to wait until today to go pick up his ashes and death certificates so it looks like I'll be gone all day today again, getting exhausted and will be gone the next six days in a row, I find I need to be home every other day as it's exhausting to be on the go this much and I need time to cook, etc.  I got my house cleaned except for the dusting but have to order a generlink and generator and set up a time with the electric company to hook it up to my house.  All that takes time I don't have right now.

What a week!  Had a funeral to attend Monday (someone else).  Blood sugar up & down but overall not bad considering the stress I'm under right now.

Good luck on your test, hoping it goes better than you think it will!  I do understand how stress gives us foggy brain.

Take good care of yourself. Does no good to run yourself into a cold or flu. Life does seem to have a way of pushing us at times. Definitely have noticed how much ive slowed. Hope Peggy is hanging in there. 

Dad keeps having things that need taking care of, some legit and some just strange. His old glasses stopped working. they started giving him blurred and double vision. Then he put his new ones on and its fine. 

What I try and do is fix dads brunch and go read email and whatnot til noon, have my lunch and chat w/ dad a bit. Study til time to fix dinner and run errands as needed. Have an hour for dinner and chat with dad then study for two hours and watch movies with dad. After the news hes snoozin and generally I get my own time. And of course I do alot of research on things for him and what he needs, he has no clue. My biggest issue is just not retaining well. many times when i try and concentrate I just get very sleepy. I dont know if its that I need more sleep, I def need more exercise. 

Buddy of mine sent an article about the link between gut health and mental health as well as physical well-being. Going to try some probiotics. 

Hope you get a chance to get some rest, hang in there and take good care.

[kayc]

I take Trunature Probiotics (sold at Costco or on eBay) as I find they're exceptional for the price.  It does help to get out and walk, it gets us out of ourselves, breathe in fresh air, plus the exercise is a benefit, I don't know if you can leave your dad long enough to do that?  Having Kodie helps too, it's so refreshing to be around animals, they live in the present and enjoy what is.

Having a day off today for the first time in a few days, it's kind of nice to not have to be somewhere!

When my vision worsens in recent years it's often because one of my eyes has gotten better so that my lens Rx is no longer right for me.  I need tested once a year but the insurance only covers once every two years.  I'm glad your dad's new glasses are doing better for him!

[Tachi]

Going shopping tomorrow and getting some Truenature probiotics. Going to stock up just in case the election leads to more riots and disrupts the supplychain. 

Exam on Friday and dont feel ready but I guess i'm pretty burned out on studying. I just don't remember well these days. If I pass will take two weeks off and do somethings around the house and dive deep into artwork. Attached is my last one, nightscene. 

I have been enjoying getting out in the yard some days and trying to make it better. My Dad is fine as long as i'm home to cook his meals and help him to bed. he seems to have issues always. As soon as one fades another crops up. But he is trying. I think when I pass the exam im going to take him to Ihop for dinner. 

He is pretty well tied to his walker. And he doesnt walk around for very long. His PT is over and I dont tghink he's doing it on his own. he told me once it wasnt taxing or making him sore, it wasnt doing anything. He expects an instant result without work. But then Mom spoiled him for decades. 

yes ma'am I know that I dwell too much on all that and I would like to be disciplined. Look at the situation, decide the best coyrse of action and do that to the fullest. then once you've done all you can do drop it. No need to ruin your precious time with things you cant change. Or things yet to come. It's a good reminder that i've become lazy the past couple years. I do need to clean the patio furniture so I can work in the cool evening air. 

When you get a day off like this do you start wondering what you need to be doing? Lol, somewhat like when people retire. have the fires gotten under control yet? We havent seen anything except the occasional about California. 

Take good care of yourself and Kodie of course.

[kayc]

That is beautiful!  I hear what you're saying, I remind myself all of the time to stay in today, to do my best and then don't worry about it, it's a constant effort to stay in today and accept our best as enough.  I tend to keep going, never lack for something to do!  My son and I joke about our "thinking up things to do!" as I was told that once...we don't have to think up things to do, they just present themselves.  And there's always more, but one can only do so much.

I took Kodie to town (a long trip) to the vet, he has an ear infection.  Next day I had a dermatology appt...I fell on asphalt running, trying to catch the neighbor's dog, Joe, when he was on the lam (he's deaf & going blind), landed on my cheekbone, got my knees and hands too, but I went full force on the cheekbone...the asphalt won!  So I had to go to my doctor too to see if I'd live!  While at the derm. someone did a hit & run on my car.   Stopped at the store on the way home and they were out of sugar free ice cream as they'd had it on sale cheaper than I've ever seen it listed, my favorite bratwurst went up $1.70, definitely not my day!

Worked hard cooking/dishes yesterday, want to rest today, debating going to church or staying home, I need to keep icing my wounds!  My hands are in severe pain!  Get my orthopedic evaluation Friday.

Kodie has been an absolute angel, couldn't ask for a better puppy!

I do hope you'll pass your exam, you've worked hard for this goal!  Most people focus on their schooling while going and don't have the added pressures of taking care of a dementia care patient, not sure how you can maintain your sanity, let alone pass, kudos for your efforts!  I do hope you and your dad will be going to IHOP!

[Tachi]

On 10/11/2020 at 7:19 AM, kayc said:

That is beautiful!  I hear what you're saying, I remind myself all of the time to stay in today, to do my best and then don't worry about it, it's a constant effort to stay in today and accept our best as enough.  I tend to keep going, never lack for something to do!  My son and I joke about our "thinking up things to do!" as I was told that once...we don't have to think up things to do, they just present themselves.  And there's always more, but one can only do so much.

I took Kodie to town (a long trip) to the vet, he has an ear infection.  Next day I had a dermatology appt...I fell on asphalt running, trying to catch the neighbor's dog, Joe, when he was on the lam (he's deaf & going blind), landed on my cheekbone, got my knees and hands too, but I went full force on the cheekbone...the asphalt won!  So I had to go to my doctor too to see if I'd live!  While at the derm. someone did a hit & run on my car.   Stopped at the store on the way home and they were out of sugar free ice cream as they'd had it on sale cheaper than I've ever seen it listed, my favorite bratwurst went up $1.70, definitely not my day!

Worked hard cooking/dishes yesterday, want to rest today, debating going to church or staying home, I need to keep icing my wounds!  My hands are in severe pain!  Get my orthopedic evaluation Friday.

Kodie has been an absolute angel, couldn't ask for a better puppy!

I do hope you'll pass your exam, you've worked hard for this goal!  Most people focus on their schooling while going and don't have the added pressures of taking care of a dementia care patient, not sure how you can maintain your sanity, let alone pass, kudos for your efforts!  I do hope you and your dad will be going to IHOP!

Hope youve been able to get some rest and the pain is subsiding some. How are you feeling? That sounds like a rough day. Good that you have Kodie for company. Is the car ok? Things like that make me want to just stay home. I think i've only filled up the car 3 times since this pandemic thing started.

Tbh, I dont know if ive maintained my sanity or not. I think I am depressed most if not all of the time. And I know to an extent he cant help it but this is all just very depressing. I'm not a caretaker who goes home to a life. This is my life. It would help if I pass the exam but I have alot of trouble retaining info. 

My brother is forever suggesting things for me to do and saying how I have nothing to do. It shouldnt but it makes me very angry. I tell him truthfully that I have much more to do than time. What I wont tell him is how I struggle to learn my art software. It feels like hes prowling around like a good narcissist looking for a crack to slip through. I have been so conditiond over the years that sometimes I dont know if dad is just showing his dementia or ia trying to gaslight me. Both get my defenses thrown up fast. Well, their own faults.

I can imagine you keep very busy. And feel guilty if you relax for too long? Understood, I think my days of doing nothing are long gone, but my ability to do many things has gone with it. I feel the bite of age and of losing abilities and skills. thats Life.

Hope the fires are better? We really dont hear anything here.

take good care

[kayc]

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

It feels like hes prowling around like a good narcissist looking for a crack to slip through.

Can you lessen the contact you have with him?  He doesn't sound like a healthy relationship with you, brother or not.  Just because we're born into a family doesn't mean we need to give them openings to hurt us.  I would tell him I prefer he stick to only asking about your dad, anything else is off limits.  People like that you have to hit over the head with a crowbar to get it, tact will not work with them, so don't worry about offending him...besides, he offends you constantly!

10 hours ago, Tachi said:

I can imagine you keep very busy. And feel guilty if you relax for too long?

Haha, that's too funny, someone who I've never met gets me better than people in person do, ha!  Yes I can tend to be that way.  Although I usually relax in the evenings now that I've aged.  That is if Kodie will let me.

My car is fine. ??

They still have some fires they're working on but yes they are much better now.  It was smokey earlier this week but the rains have come, supposed to rain all next week.  The temperatures have cooled too.

I've noticed changes in my brain as well too, it's getting harder for me to do the intricate thinking like in my Treasury job, I can still do it but it's harder and I don't like it.  Can't wait for it to be done with but will probably miss it when it is!  Ha!

Some of the hoops medical insurance puts us through I know my mom couldn't have handled at my age, I remember telling them a while back, "You do realize you're dealing with old people, don't you?!"  I mean it's insane what they expect of aging people.

[Tachi]

On 10/16/2020 at 7:05 AM, kayc said:

Can you lessen the contact you have with him?  He doesn't sound like a healthy relationship with you, brother or not.  Just because we're born into a family doesn't mean we need to give them openings to hurt us.  I would tell him I prefer he stick to only asking about your dad, anything else is off limits.  People like that you have to hit over the head with a crowbar to get it, tact will not work with them, so don't worry about offending him...besides, he offends you constantly!

Haha, that's too funny, someone who I've never met gets me better than people in person do, ha!  Yes I can tend to be that way.  Although I usually relax in the evenings now that I've aged.  That is if Kodie will let me.

My car is fine. ??

They still have some fires they're working on but yes they are much better now.  It was smokey earlier this week but the rains have come, supposed to rain all next week.  The temperatures have cooled too.

I've noticed changes in my brain as well too, it's getting harder for me to do the intricate thinking like in my Treasury job, I can still do it but it's harder and I don't like it.  Can't wait for it to be done with but will probably miss it when it is!  Ha!

Some of the hoops medical insurance puts us through I know my mom couldn't have handled at my age, I remember telling them a while back, "You do realize you're dealing with old people, don't you?!"  I mean it's insane what they expect of aging people.

Oh, I thought someone hit your car, sorry. One I will sleep properly, maybe.

Glad the fires are better. seems hard to get under control. Good thing is that nature will reclaim in time. 

My brother and I only talk when he and dad talk. he never says anything about his life yet wants me to talk about mine. And I know he doesnt care. He thinks he's being a good brother and he thinks he's looking out for me because I cant so he tells me what to study. Im sure he cant understand why im not listening. He cares only for himself so im not fooled. I'll stay in touch until I settle my dad's estate then he and I are done. I may not make the best decisions in my life but they are mine. 

Wouldnt you think they'd make medicare much easier to understand? I still havent a lue if dad has med and a supplementary or just medicare. he has no idea. His old employer sent him a letter that sounds like theirs is joining with medicare but waiting for more info. Dad read it but didnt understand it either. Its rough when he has no clue and whatever papers he may have had were thrown away.

There were days when I would lay in the grass and watch the clouds. When I was bored and channel surf for a movie. Now i cant find enough time. Odd. Well good for you you keep active of body and mind. That certainly helps. They say as we age we sette into patterns of both and we decline. good to shake things up. 

Would like some rain please....cooing off here, 60 at night but in a drought. Likely no snow this winter.

Tuesday is exam day. I dont feel anywhere near ready but have to try. All it would do to fail is waste 329 dollars, a year of my life and crush the tiny remnant of my ego. then i'd have to study for a month, shell out money again and try again. 

take good care of yourself and Kodie, stay warm as Fall deepens. I do enjoy this season the most. The colors, rain, the smells. Nothing like walking in the forest with crisp cool air and the scent of pines and brush. maybe in artwork i'll do that.