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I sat on the patio a bit and listened to the rain, its cool and fresh outside and thats always a gift here. we dont get much rain.

I forgot you get deer, i guess they get hungry just like everyone else. better than bears I guess. 

Stay warm, sounds like winter and that needs to be over. 

Grandkids are fun. I bet they give you lots of energy you never knew you had. I bet they love kodie and vice versa. Thats one very friendly pup I bet.

i remember my dads folks well in Ohio. old small town. old house. pretty town. We would come up and all the family gets together. 

Sorry to hear about your sister. I know that I always have hope things will just hold the same until the end. but it is never that way. She sounds like my dad, cant do things or make decisions.

This has been the toughest week. Three nights ago dad was extra week and needed help getting to bed, took an hour. Hi legs were just so weak. the next two nights he was more like his old self and didnt need help. This morning I found him on the floor with his head under the bedframe. he said he didnt fall but I wonder. If he fell how did his head get halfway under the frame. he was so weak he could barely move. I got him in bed and tried to find out what happened. he had his hearing aids in so he made it ok at first. he said he was looking for sheets and blankets. they were on the bed. Whatever happened he was just making things up. 

he slept all afternoon so was hoping he would be better. no strength at all in his legs. i got him to the potty but couldnt get him back in the wheechair and ended up calling the EMTs. We went ahead and sent him to the ER. he had a fever of 101.6, they started IV and antibiotics> he seemed better in his room in ER but even with his aids either he couldnt hear or he was ignoring me. they started testing and did a covid test and were supposed to do a urine test for UTI. But what killed me, my dad has given up. he was trying to gaslight me. telling me it isnt fair for him to expect me to pick him up all the time. This is the second such incident in 23 years and he's accepted it as the new norm. he said he had no indication he would ever walk again. he has given up. And he didnt even have the decency to talk to me honestly. 

They were supposed to finish testing and then send him over to the hospital side by midnight and call me but no one ever did. 

the little bit I read he is making a bit too much for medicaid but there are a couple ways around it. in any case they will take his income and he gets $180/m spending money. I 'think' since we have a ladybird deed on the house medicaid cant take the house but need to check. In any case if he cant walk he will have to go to assisted living and he will lose everything. he is so eager to just give up and go and he has no idea what it means. 

What this means to me is that i will quickly have to find a apt and a job. good luck finding a apt with no job. Im very much in trouble here. I will need to figure out what his options are if he goes to a Center. because if he just trusts someone from the hospital he will be taken advantage of. 

Anyway, i sat outside and couldnt cry. My dad had a fever and I didnt even think to check. Hopefull its just a UTI and not Covid from his buddies. cause ill have been exposed as well. 

Prayers appreciated because I dont see a way through this.

take care

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My friend Jim went through something convoluted at the end of his mom's life...she had listed his daughter as her sole heir as extracting her promise to take care of her in her old age.  Of course his

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OMG, this is a lot at once!  There is no judging your dad, he is beyond capable of being in his right mind or making decisions.  It sounds like perhaps he was looking for bed sheets/blankets and maybe looked under the bed and then couldn't get back up?  He's confused, his brain not working right.  Of course he's given up, what incentive does he have to fight, he can't make thinking decisions with you in mind, he can't even make thinking decisions for himself.  In his right mind, he would not want this, but he's not in his right mind, hasn't been for a long time.

I'd start by finding a job, it would take them a long while before evicting you, right now people are protected from that anyway.  You might want to talk to your/his lawyer about the house and how to deal with things.  The estate should cover that.  You should have been getting paid for your care-giving from the government but that is water under the bridge at this point.

One day at a time.  When we don't know what to do or how to handle something, take it one day at a time.  I know it's easier said than done to tell you not to worry...this coming from the greatest worrier of all!  It helps me to take a deep breath, go for a walk, ask myself what needs to be done first and do that.  I make lists, prioritize...try to concern yourself with highest priority and only worry about the next thing when it becomes the next priority.

Do let me know how he is, what they learn about the cause of his fever.  I pray with you about this whole situation!  When we're in the thick of a situation, it's the hardest to think clearly, I pray for direction for you as well as God's hand upon you in all of this.

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Thats all I can figure is was searching under the bed. there have never been blankets or pillows under the bed.

What i had read and why we did the Ladybird Deed is that it protects the house from Medicaid so it will pass to the child. However, I dont know what would hold in the case of dad selling the house. That would add to his wealth and may incur a medicaid time penalty. I would need to consult an estate atty.

I will start sorting my things, toss most and start boxing the rest up. Start working on my resume. I do have an excellent letter of recommendation from my last landord in Lubbock. (west Texas). 

My best case scenario is he can walk again and he comes home and we talk. What hes thinking is since this happened once it will happen all the time. And instead of discussing it like an adult he approaches it like a narcissist. he has judged and decided how the situation is and what to do. Yes, you're right, he is in no place to make decisions. he is loving the attention. Just like talking to the priest after Mom passed, he was playing up to the EMTs and the nurses. he has certain posture, facial expressions and language when hes on the jazz. I think thats all he cares about. So im going to say in the end what a damn fool ive been for staying here. I should have found a job and helped him find a home to move into years ago. 

Thank you for the kind words, im trying. Life still goes on and we have no choice but to tackle adversity. My PB and J is done so im going down and see whats going on. I dont like hospitals and dont like visiting. I can do maybe an hour or so and then I need to go home. So ill check on him after dinner as well.

We had a very nice cool rain last night. the flower seeds dont matter anymore but I hope theyre ok

take care

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Good news.

Initially they wouldnt let me in and he was restricted, probably waiting for the results of the covid test. He has Pneumonia. his fever is now gone, his eyes are clearer and his brain is as clear as it gets. he said he walked down the hall on a walker so i know he can use one. I watched his PT test him and I think with a bit of rest he will be back to normal. No talk of a nursing home today...just whether he does PT at home or in a facility. If he can get around, even if I have to spot him, I want him to be at home. he is very much enjoying the company and attention. maybe he wanted a nursing home because of the attention he will get. My wish is as long as he can use his legs he should be at home but if his legs dont work I just cant lift him. His mind and eyes seem clearer but square one for him isnt the best. They will keep him overnight and evaluate him tomorrow. he can get around and I would want to spot him but I think he will be ok.

oh, and hes very impressed with Honey-glazed carrots...and my cooking apparently stinks. he offhanded in order to compliment the food made disparaging remarks about the food he gets at home. Lol, he gets what he asks me to make. So he only has himself to blame. 

I know he feels much better because for the hour and a half I was there he talked almost continuously lol. His voice would start going and I coudnt hear him so id give him his water. i finally had to go.It made him mad but he'll be ok. Will see tomorrow if he gets to come home or to a rehab hospital. And we discussed that he starts talking trash about the rehab hospital he was in after his stroke. he refused to do anything because he didnt approve of what they were doing. never once did he tell them he felt it was too easy. he said they made him use a walker when he could walk w/out one. he didnt get rehab at all.

Anyway, thanks for the prayers, will see what tomorrow brings.

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Thank you for updating us, this is better than expected news and I certainly wish with you for the best!  My sister seems to think she can get by with a cane now instead of a walker, I doubt it and voiced my concerns to her.  If she falls she does damage!  I reminded her of what it was like when she fell, compressing her vertebrae and now she doesn't have her husband with her.  I hope for once in her life she listens.  I think I'm getting somewhere with her with the air filtration system I want her to have, she gave a cut and dried NO the first time I broached it but I'm applying on her behalf.

I feel for you, I have an idea what you're up against.  :unsure:

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I hope and pray your sister will come along. I think sometimes we have to do what is right and not what they want. She is blessed to have you.

My dad thought he could use a cane at one time and I got him a quad cane. But he moved past that to a walker. talked to my brother, who hadnt read his email. he said 'Thank you for the novel', he doesnt care. dad asked me specifically to call him which I did. bro is the first born and is loved, appreciated, and valued. yet he seems to not care about dad. My value to bro is that im here doing a duty he doesnt want to do. I think he would have just put dad in a home and forgotten him. 

made my dad mad cause I only stayed a couple hours. I hate visiting in the hospital. Lol, he talked nonstop, even when he lost his voice. He lost his audience and I think thats what he needs, an audience to perform to. I'll call him later and check on him and he will probably be asleep.

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It just keeps getting crazier. A guy calls me saying from MRI at hospital. Didnt know dads name and gave wrong room number. I verified with an admin and was legit but no one can tell me why he needs an mri for pneumonia. first theory was for his tremors. hes had PCP and Neurologist say thats his Parkinsons. they didnt even talk to dad because he isnt capable, so why didnt they call me. We refused. then nurse says its for his weak legs cause he fell. I keep telling them he didnt fall. i was trying to transfer him from toilet t chair and had to set him on the floor, did so carefully. So they think he fell from weakness. taked to dad again and we agreed that Mri for his weak legs is a good idea so theyre trying to get that tonight. personally they need to tell dad what theyre doing and if they dont think he is capable, which when I talked to him he was fine, they need to call me. 

Now im wondering how far theyre going to figure out the weak legs when it has been diagnosed as parkinsons. theyre no going to like me very much im afraid. I hate when hospitals just do things and dont explain. just say, MRI to check for cause of weakness.

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I hate it when medical personnel    d o    n o t     l i s t e n !


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Im in shock...his doctor called me this morning. The Mri will be later today. they want to make sure he didnt have a stroke. Since he had one three years ago. She said the pneumonia was almost gone but they wondered because it was asymptomatic, the white blood cell counts were ok. Dad never tells anyone anything. he aparently had had several of the small pre-stroke episodes and didnt even tell Mom. he went in to get checked out, they ran all the tests and found nothing. Before his stroke he started having trouble with his legs. he thinks he may have fallen outside and hurt something but he didnt remember. That seemed to be the beginning. Then he had bronchitis and the stroke. The day we put him in the hospital he was fine. Then as they drugged him up he went downhill rather quickly. 

Kinda seems like a connection between respiratory distress and stroke-like issues. They want him there today and probably tomorrow and then if nothing comes up and hes still walking he will come home. But we're playing it day by day. very nice doctor. 

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Hoping for the best and he's okay.  

My sister got called in for blood test next week and she turned it down.  She is long overdue.  I asked why she didn't go for it and she said she doesn't have a ride, well what the ___ am I?!!!  She didn't even ask or mention it!  She then said she didn't see the point as she's switching doctors, I told her it'll be a while before the new one will get to her and she could have the record transferred.  Sometimes I just don't understand her, she doesn't think things through.

My sister Donna died of Pneumonia, they wouldn't admit her to the hospital, I think they just sentenced her to death in their refusal.  Made me so angry!  I tried to deal with them but the doctor wouldn't talk with me and guess who had POA, Peggy!  That's like putting the fox in charge of the hen house!  Donna always got it easily, had to do with her respiratory issues, she was on oxygen.  I miss her.  I am so glad they are taking this seriously with your dad, wanting to treat him!

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Got him home today, he was waiting in his nhat and jacket glaring lol. He seems ok just weak still. his cognition is also worse at this time. he went maybe ten feet on his walker then i had to use the wheelchair. His cognitive issues also means he is bad at problem solving. so the moving from walker or chair he does in bad ways. I could see where if he were on his own he would try and fail until he fell from exhaustion. Earlier he couldnt get up off the toilet. I just hope I can get him to bed. Cant tell by watching while I help but sometimes i think he doesnt try. today he isnt understanding what im telling him, the concepts. Hope hes better once he gets rested. they gave him a thyroid med.

Brother will probably shame me for giving dad pneumonia, after all im sinning by leaving the house so it must have been me. Or maybe his friends he went to fly with or the restaurant. Sadly he probably needs his pneumonia shot.

Yes, your sister isnt thinking right. She isnt making sense. Either messed up thinking or making excuses for not doing it. Wish I had some words of wisdom for ya, like how to convince and trick. But cant ever make that work. 

She thinks you're not a ride? So frustrating. I offer to drive my dad to his club and I used to offer a ride to the VA and he just ignored it and keep saying how he had no ride. maybe they like that idea of being a victim or such. They get sooo stubborn and its like thats their reality and we're not allowed in.

I just dont get the healthcare, I dont. Sometimes I think theyre more concerned for rules than helping people. they have to be flexible and create options. This is stuff they dont teach. An extended family has to have a family plan inc the estate plan and the poa and whatever else they need. I never knew anything about it.

At times this place is wonderful, sometimes frustrating. One day dad had 3 bouts of diahrrea and they didnt give him anything for it, not when he asked nor when I asked. But his doctor did call me twice with updates. Will hope i dont have to take dad there again. he needs to do some exercise and get his strength back. and his cognition.

Two days of alot of rain. havent gotten anything done this week.

Chaircushion part 15

been through many. none work after a few weeks. Either too thick or too thin, the spokes hurt or he cant sit up straight or it makes him sit too straight. Its just not ever right. There is no 'right'. There is no sanity to it.Ordered a gel honeycomb, under 2 inches thick. he will like it for awhile and then it wont work, he is tbh insane.

Im sorry about Donna. Some or maybe alot of things in this world make no sense. theyre wrong. Im afraid it just gets worse. One thing they said about dad was he was asymptomatic, his white blood cells didnt indicate pneumonia. i tbh dont think I gave it to him. principally becaise I am very suspectible to resp infections and im fine. But, I will be scrubbing my hands anytime I come home from the outside world. Bro will preach dont leave the house. he never called dad once. he said they would talk to him when he got home. I was sending emails so he could at least know and he never answered. Honestly, I dont think he cares. Ill start studying again tomorrow. Probably time to re evaluate life etc.

take good care of yourself, saying a prayer for your sister. 


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12 hours ago, Tachi said:

She thinks you're not a ride? So frustrating.

It's just an excuse, she always wants to bury her head in the sand and procrastinate to the 5th of never.

Now she tells my other sister she was just being silly (about the potato skins), no she wasn't, she was dead serious...for an hour and 20 minutes to be exact..  She can fool her, but not me.  Her brain is definitely not well.

II'm glad your dad is home where he wants but this is going to be hard for you to manage alone.  Does he qualify for helps, have you tried adult and family services?  They should have someone able to assist with bathing, etc.  You may need help getting him in/out of bed.  

Your brother can take a flying leap, don't see him offering to help!  So easy to sit by and criticize, meanwhile your life is on hold.  Sorry, people like that infuriate me!   Yes the pneumonia shot would help, they come out in early fall, same as flu shots, I always get one.  Medicare should pay for it.  Might not hurt to get last year's if availed.

12 hours ago, Tachi said:

I just dont get the healthcare, I dont. Sometimes I think theyre more concerned for rules than helping people.

Ya think?  I've noticed that too!  It seems it's worse the older we get too!

You are so sweet to pray for my sister!  Thank you!  And I pray for you and your dad.  You have the hard part.  II get the stubborn part, that was my mom AND my sisters!   But I reckon I can be stubborn too, but I do like to keep an open mind enough to listen to people...but then I don't have dementia or brain injuries.  Yet.  I hope & pray I never do, I would hate to put my kids through that.  I take the best care I can of myself in case that helps, not sure it does.  This ain't for the fainthearted!

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   I would not understand your sister if I hadnt seen the light on my dad. mybe she catches herself and backpeddles. My dad just blusters taht hes dad so he can do/say whatever. Really odd. i agree with you, she seems a bit off. your other sister I hope takes you serious at least. 

i thought I would be having to help dad but nope. So far hes getting around today on his walker on his own. back to his bathroom, up and down from commode, Up from bed. he gets winded pretty easy and he took a long nap this afternoon. We talked about how he will have to take it easy because it will take a long time but hes doing great. 

However, he has lost some cognition. Hoping that improves as he feels stronger. he forgot where his used diapers go, so he left em on the carpet by his bed lol. I was thinking that wasnt good. he is very happy to be home. I think most of the time at the hospital he didnt know where he was. i never considered that, he forgot where he was and why. The nurses would come in and he didnt understand. Theyd wake him up ay 6am for meds and it was a dream to him and he didnt understand where the pills were from. thats why i try not to wake him up. 

yep, I have almost no use for my brother, never called dad once. never tried to understand dads parkinsons, dementia, alzheimers ...anything. i tell him some times and he says "Oh, really?" he doesnt have to deal with it so he doesnt care. he will probably go on about where dad caught it and tell me I cant leave the house and have to wear a mask in the house...he will be reminded he doesnt own me and needs to be respectful or we dont need to see each other. I think im changing these days. I dont really feel i have to be nice to everyone. 

So much of our society is big business. it shifts emphasis away from people and to stats. Ive seen it in my last job. Hit the metrics no matter what. What saves them is in getting fine people. thats where you have the ability to make an impact. Some people are good at hitting numbers, but stink at doing the job as it should be done. His PT when she came in did everything she could to brighten his day and make him comfortable. Its things like that, which dont show on paper. 

And thank you for your prayers as well. I have read and I think that there are things we can do to lessen the impact of aging diseases. But I wonder how early things start and if by us not starting early enough we will have some effects. I dont want to live through what my Dad is. I would be at a state home at best. No thanks. 

You seem in a good place. just stay active mentally and physically and keep your joy. It helps to have kodie too. hope your pup is doing well. 

I didnt get anything done this week, shouldnt have let life do that to me. Thats my anxiety. The rest of this weekend is introspection and plotting getting back to work.

And the wildflowers are pushing up, will post pics when they bloom.

Take care

Edit...my brother was like a brother when we talked tonight.

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12 hours ago, Tachi said:

mybe she catches herself and backpeddles.

That's exactly it, she could tell by my response that she'd said something amiss so she concocted a story to my other sister to cover herself.  I saw my mom do that.  Dementia must be scary to them, like they know something's wrong but are afraid of losing control/independence, so they try to cover it up...that's in the earlier stages, when they get real far gone they don't know anything, their minds are absent.  My mom got easier to deal with at that point as she no longer fought us on everything.  She also forgot her imagined wrongs, we'd dealt with her paranoia all her life, but at stage IV she "forgot" her imagined ills, stage III she still had it.

12 hours ago, Tachi said:

he will be reminded he doesnt own me and needs to be respectful or we dont need to see each other. I think im changing these days. I dont really feel i have to be nice to everyone.

TBH, I think that's a good thing, it doesn't mean you aren't nice, but you're setting your boundaries and showing respect for yourself, that is a GOOD thing, all the more necessary around Narcissists!  I''m proud of you!  We're learning in our old age!  ;)

Glad your brother was decent last night, take what little good you can get, can't count on it, but enjoy when it happens.

I took my sister to Eugene to have a birthday lunch with my siblings, and my daughter and Julie's daughter, Polly didn't come, she's waiting for Covid shots to kick in fully.  Melissa got Peggy's walker in/out for me but later Peggy wanted me to take her shopping so I still had to do it a couple more times.  Kodie was home seven hours alone in the house, took him to play with Jazzy for an hour, then after dinner we walked down to pay the lawn guy and I let him stay up late with me a bit and rubbed his belly and he cuddled with me so his day turned out better than it started.

Got my fireplace cleaned out yesterday morning, it's an awful chore, gets ash dust everywhere, I disposed of the ash, no easy feat with fire warnings!  Vacuumed but still need to re-dust, it literally goes everywhere!  But nice to have it done for a while.  It got to 84 in Eugene, unseasonably hot for April!  It was 81 here.  I don't remember it ever being that hot in April before.  I hope we get some rain or we'll be out of water come summer and fires galore!  I think they need to ban humans during fire season, they're the biggest culprits!  LOL

I'm glad your dad had a caring PT!  Little things make a big difference, and like you said, you can't put a measurement on that!

I'm so glad your dad is settling in and doing better.  It always helps them to be at home as long as they can.  I still think the gov't should be able to provide you with help a few hours a week, here they do.  My mom was her own worst enemy, wouldn't accept help except from us and we were still working FT & commuting!


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Dementia is indeed a cruel thing. But we just have to do the best we can to help. Ive read their minds try and fill in the gaps as best they can. That must be difficult at times. And yes scary as well. Losing oneself would be scary. 

Too much i think I have to make people happy, disarm them I guess. i need to stop caring.

Sounds like a good lunch with family. nice that they are somewhat close. Always a good time. Kodie probably thought it was his birthday or something. In dog heaven lol. Really good company. 

I cleaned the fireplace after burning newspaper and what a mess. Imagine long ago with a fireplace that got used almost every day. 

We've been getting lots of rain. the wildflower seed I planted is coming up. maybe a half inch or so now. Im excited to see whats going to make it. You folks are hot. We just now made it to 80 today. Hope you dont have another dry summer. theyre already forecasting fires in Cali. 

I looked briefly at getting paid and I think I can but need to know more. No idea though if I need some training. Its hard to believe my dad had pneumonia and was in hospital. In ways hes stronger. I think the thyroid med they gave him is helping. he does get tired easy and has to rest and end of the day he gets tired. But today he said he walked from his bed into the bathroom without his walker. but that tired him out. But its still up and down he may get a bit stronger but he still has diseases and he still doesnt exercise. Tomorrow is a doctors visit, I guess a followup to his hospital stay. 

talked to my brother, decadent guy. he bought another guitar. No, he doesnt play he just collects them i have no clue.

take good care of yourself. i think you deserve a day off. 

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3 hours ago, Tachi said:

Imagine long ago with a fireplace that got used almost every day. 

I use mine everyday, it's my only source of heat besides a space heater that's just not sufficient for heating the house.  I've had a fire going seven months straight before cleaning it, now running it again!  I hated building a fire after cleaning it out as it involves vacuuming/dusting the house again as well!

Our heat is gone, been raining and cold this week, they said T&L storms but haven't seen any, kind of disappointed, I love them!  Not the fire danger that comes with it though!

3 hours ago, Tachi said:

But today he said he walked from his bed into the bathroom without his walker.

Wow!  That is great!  My sister is going to the casino at the coast for three days/two nights with friends, I'm praying she doesn't fall!  I worry about her when she's out of her element.  She informed me yesterday that if/when she gets dementia, I get her.  (Thanks, and who gets me?)  News for her is no one can handle someone 24/7 when they get to stage 4, and usually 3 as well.  Unfortunately we need sleep sometimes.

What do you do with a guitar collection?  Hang them on the wall?  The only shoe I can wear is Kalso Earth and they threatened to stop making them so I bought up enough to last the rest of my life...have them stacked on top of and beside my dresser to the ceiling.  But guitars?  That would take up a lot of room!  You'd have to have a big den or something!

Enjoy your wildflowers!  We're behind everyone on growing stuff up here, usually plant early May, have to get past the freezes.  It's supposed to snow to 3,000 ft. this morning (I'm at 2,500).



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Mom was tiny, hovered around 100lbs. At one point she started haviing real trouble finding clotehs and shoes. She even started shopping in the girls and boys depts, but she managed. 

Looks like we need an ID for dad. need to get a Trust and notarised and for that he needs an ID as his license is expired. He says he has his birth cert but I have no idea. If we cant find it he will say I lost it. If anything isnt as he remembers it then its my fault. So getting that and getting his ID will be a hoot.

Storms sounds good, rain is always good, nice clean smell to the air. the environment is just so much nicer. Weve had alot of rain this past week but now its over, trying to get some seed going in the backyard as the grass is dieing.

You folks must get alot of rain? That would make a good garden. If not for the deer.

Hope your sis has fun. I worry about my dad on the few occasions he goes out. I dont think his friends understand how he is. The pneumonia is gone but he still coughs up. he doesnt get that theres fluid in there still. I think he'll be ok tho. 

people who have never been through dementia caring dont get it. It isnt fun or easy. When it gets bad there is no rest and people need rest. I am very lucky my Dad isnt worse. I pray he never gets that bad. And as odd as it sounds I pray I am gone before I get dementia. there will be no help. 

Wildflowers coming up fine, cordoned off some more beds and planted more so will see. dad being very negative, as he is about everything. he tells me my young tree is a weed. My weed is over 3 feet tall, hardwood, has branches and looks good. 

My brother is a trip. narcissist and thinks he knows everything and doesnt believe a word i say, so generally I talk as little as possible. The big thing for me is that he never calls dad, never asks me about him. Ive told him how dad is and hes always surprised, never asks what dementia or parkinsons etc are and has never spent one minute looking it up. he may care but not very much. he makes extremely good money which I guess is why he has all the guitars he doesnt have time to play. he has tremors starting and will become like dad eventually. I dont wish that on anyone. he doesnt want to hear suggestions on them so I dont try and help. 

Goodness, you need a few shoe racks. Abundance of shoes falls under 'ladies pejorative'...good idea getting em all tho. Wish i'd done same on a few things. 

Stay warm, rub kodies belly for me. Such a good pup. Take good care.

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16 hours ago, Tachi said:

You folks must get alot of rain?

Not this year, in a drought.  Hoping my well produces through summer!  Rather scary.

Peggy didn't bring her bed rail so slipped and couldn't get up when trying to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  They called front desk and they sent four strapping men up to get her up.  I was afraid of that.  Now she wants me to take her bed-rail to the coast in my Civic along with three people, her huge walker taking up the whole trunk, a chest of food, and everyone's luggage.  How does she think I'd get all that in?  Everyone expects me to do it all, no help from other family members.  Not sure this will happen as the person who was going to take care of Kodie for me has cancer and anything can happen between now and then.  I can't fold up the

l to get it in, no strength in my hands.

17 hours ago, Tachi said:

And as odd as it sounds I pray I am gone before I get dementia. there will be no help. 

I pray the same thing.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  My sister informed me yesterday that it took her four hours to pay her bills and fill her pills for the week because she couldn't see.  She just told me she has macular degeneration going on and has done nothing about it.  I got onto her because she never accepts any responsibility for herself, just procrastinating and burying her head in the sand until it becomes emergent (for me).  I got her set up with my new doctor, got them to accept her, now she wants to go back to her old place even though the msgs she's gotten have been inconsistent and she doesn't know who the new doctor will be there or how often, hasn't even called them.  She got turned down on Rx refills over a month ago, she's waiting until she runs completely out before crying wolf.  It's enough to make me want to pull my hair out!  She announced that her dementia will fall on my shoulders.  Great.  Yet she wants to stay in her place.  Mine isn't set up for disabled, doubt the walls would hold her weight & bars.  There's no room for someone at her place, it is packed full of stuff and she doesn't want anything tossed.

I have my shoes in shoe boxes to keep dust out, all labeled and stacked.  I have the ones I use in a tub by the bed and also in a dresser I wasn't using.  I'd never have this many if they hadn't threatened to do away with the line or if I could wear other brands but I can't.  I still can't believe they did away with the men's line.  They've left a lot of people in the lurch and hurting!

Good luck getting his id, hopefully you can order it on line or by phone, so hard to do anything with gov't nowadays, no one seems to be doing their job "due to Covid."  It's nerve-wracking, what if grocers were that way about their jobs!

17 hours ago, Tachi said:

he tells me my young tree is a weed. My weed is over 3 feet tall, hardwood, has branches and looks good. 


The wildflowers sound nice!  Things bloom later here due to the elevation.

My mom was tiny too.  Now I weigh what she did before the end when she lost way too much, she was between 60 & 70 when she died, shouldn't have gone below 100.  She needed coaxing to eat.  I used to make a game of it with her "I'll take a bite if YOU take a bite..."

Kodie got out when I was loading the fire, it terrified me as he doesn't come when I call him, he looked at me, I told him to come in and the longest two seconds of my life went by, and he came in!  I praised him, rubbed his belly, gave him a treat, told him how good he was!  Whew!  Too many dangers out there for a little guy.

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Hope Peggy is ok. Sounds like she's not aware of the situations. Sounds like the family is taking advantage, sounds like me. My condolences. hopefully one of em will realise and step up to help. But what can you do. It sounds as if, and crazy as this sounds, someone will eventually need to make some decisions for what is best for all concerned. And those who are not willing to help can keep it zipped. Always plenty of people with opinions and no action. She sounds like shes on the edge of being lost taking care of Life. So glad dad actually realised he needs help and lets me.he would be so out of luck if he didnt. 

Sounds like youve organised your shoes, good idea. 

Dads ID...well ive been digging into notarization. was told by one in another part of Tx that a Notary can notarize a signature when the signor doesnt have ID by there being 1 or 2 people with ID testifying to that persons identity. So when I have time will call some notaries in the area. Ive had enough of the bank ones who dont know how to do their job. I also found out that in TX they arent trained. they fill out a form and pay and fee and theyre a notary. Its up to them to learn the job. They do have a hotline to call but from the one experience they have no clue. 

There was a comment by dads doctor, she thought he probably got pneumonia by getting food in his upper resp tract. he always says his choking at meals is his drainage. Its him eating too much too fast and not sipping water and not getting the bite down before eating more. he knows better. I can say something all I want but he tells me its just drainage. I can tell him thats what caused his pneumonia and will put him tghere again and he will tell me its drainage. he is a mess. 

the strength after his recovery is fading a bit. he is pulling into himself. Dinner he bends his head down close to his plate and wont speak. He touches food very carefully...oddly...as if it might jump at him. I hope this isnt a next phase. One thing that strikes me is that I play a fools game and will suffer for it. My dad wont get better, he will get worse until he finally passes. The prospect is more trips to the hospital and more issues. His pride will prevent him from saying anything about what he feels and he will keep denying any problems, thus he wont get help. 


Kodie is such a good boy. Hopefully he is learning. If hes smart he will run out whenever he can just to run back in and get a bellyrub and treat.

Our doctor used to talk to Mom alot about her weight. She would get upset if it was much over 100. I dont have a problem with dad tho, I think hes gaining a bit. He eats well and insists on eating alot of food. Considering he just sits all day .....he will never do any exercise. he claims he does something on the edge of his bed when he first wakes up but never seen it and he needs to do more and different. But all he wants to do is sit.

backyard is in fact very bare. Im raking out the thatch and leaf mulch under the grass. hard work at 63 lol. Going to expose all the dirt I can, rake, drop seed, step on it, cover and water every day for 3 weeks and pray. 

Going to go change out the washer, today is laundry day, run for meds, get dad a tv show so hes not just a lump, and maybe study a minute lol. Life seems to be taking so much more time now.

I hope in all this mess you have time to sit and ponder the beauty of whats around you, to breath and exhale. Read once that the pauses between the notes was the most important in life. take good care of yourself.

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18 hours ago, Tachi said:

Sounds like the family is taking advantage

I don't think so, I just think they aren't aware of how bad she's gotten, they don't have the contact with her that I do, I talk to her every day and visit often, so I notice it more.

18 hours ago, Tachi said:

Sounds like youve organised your shoes, good idea. 

Yes but I think I way over-bought!  Kalso Earth shoes are so well made they are lasting WAY longer than I ever expected!  I was going to thin it out but eBay has changed selling and I can't get help from them as no one answers the phone since Covid..  Seems amazing to me that such a big company can't figure out how to do high tech as other companies have done!  Maybe they're so big they just don't care & as they don't need the business.

18 hours ago, Tachi said:

they fill out a form and pay and fee and theyre a notary.

Here too.  I used to be a notary for my last job, it's true, you pay the fee, buy the stamp/impression, get the book, and you're a go.  But it's complicated.  I was lucky to have someone show me the way, I handled mostly stuff to do my job as we handled subdivisions, etc. (Metro Planning) but sometimes a will or something.  I didn't do the complicated ones and discontinued when my job was over (the fee is steep so it prohibits your doing it once a year for someone).  Supposed to always hang onto it which can be a problem as people age.  My friend Jim had someone come to his home to notarize his mom's will, she had to ensure she was of sound mind (she was) by asking her questions, made it a little more complicated, all for a fee, it was worth it later on when she passed and his daughter raised a stink because she'd wanted everything!  Ha!  He was her only child and the one who took complete care of her!  His daughter can wait her turn, if anything's left.  She stole some of her things.  It's a wonder he still has a relationship with her after all she's done..  She's STILL causing him havoc!  Shows how strong our ties to our kids can be.

18 hours ago, Tachi said:

Life seems to be taking so much more time now.

For sure!  My sister gets upset if I don't call until 5 pm, she doesn't understand how full my day is as she just sits all day.  I don't understand how one can just sit all day!  I cook, clean, haul wood, pick up branches, give Kodie walks and play date, phone calls, attend to my diabetic group & grief forums, get groceries, deal with medical issues, appts., go to church, how does one just sit?!  But then I never have been a sitter.

Good luck with your grass!  The dirt in my backyard has changed, the ground seems softer, no kids running and playing on it any more, I miss that!  The swingset sits idle.  :(  My neighbors have their grandkids up, I love their squeals of delight! 

My mom had a lot of pride about her "figure" and also was obsessed about being low weight...she got TOO low!  I hope I don't dwindle down to that small in my old age, not healthy!  (60-70 lbs)  She should have weighed at least 100+!

We're getting to know a new horse down the street, he's majestic, beautiful, obviously well cared for, not a sway back, nice shiny coat.  He makes a lot of noise and stomps, scares Kodie but also piques his interest.  He had a good fence around him Kodie can't poke his head into so safer than the other ones around.  The weather is mild and gorgeous!

I was considering doing a trial study for hypertension as I'd love to have a permanent fix for this but it sounds too risky/experimental, takes 40 months, I do not have 40 months to get my BP under control!  Cannot take the risk, so I've been working on relaxing, breathing, prayer/meditation, letting go of stress, etc.  My BP was 180s over 80s, today 134/73.  Big difference!

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deer resistant flowers, saw this and thought of your yard. I have the Tx/Oklahoma wildflower mix by them and its coming up great. From what I can gather Our lawn has a fungus that kills the roots from the bottom up. that was all the dead I raked up. I need to spread a fungicide and then water and then I can rake the grass seed in and cover with a lil dirt etc etc etc

I guess your family is like my brother, they dont understand. I think often unless you deal with it you just think theyre like you remember them. I told my bro how dads thyroid med is helping a bit so he thinks dad is cured. for someone so intelligent hes pretty dumb. 

I guess Ebay has gone downhill. Considered offering some of Moms glassware etc but wasnt sure, dont think ill bother. dad kinda liked the idea  because he wouldnt need to do anything. Im hesitant at this point to do anything else since im not being paid and my study time is very short.

I dont get why companies cant offer good service with work at home. theyre on a PC, hooked to the network....

The Trust here would probably run a thousand bucks. dad is constantly coming up with expensive things he has to do. Now is his skin. he was checked less than 6 months ago and he has no cancer or dsngerous growths. But he wants them all removed, none will be covered by medicare.

Anyway, I need to go over the Trust documents I have a understand or find new ones and fill out. Dad has no ID but in TX if someone with ID vouches for him (me) then thats sufficient. But can I find a Notary who understands that. 

I read of kids and relatives messing with elderly, very sad. yes I will welcome anything from the estate to help me survive but the ONLY important thing is to handle it honestly and fairly. people today must be crooked because they assume everyone is crooked. For people to look at me as though I have anything but honorable intentions greatly offends me.  Such is this world.

Horses are so nice. havent been around any for a long time, very intelligent. And a very long and noble history. used to have a miniature when we were in Chicago suburbs, used to kick our dog cause he would snap at his heels that was one dumb dog lol.

We got so much rain and its supposed to be a good chance of it all next week. that evening air when it 2am and rain is just special. like it frees the mind and spirit. 

Grats on your BP, thats awesome. Do you take any meds? dad is on one and it keeps him in that range. taking walks helps too, good news for kodie. 

Well, going to go prep the meatloaf. dad wont like it, he doesnt like anything. But I will. Take good care of yourself, and Kodie. 

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