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There are no words, you cut straight to the heart and all i can offer are tears. God bless you my friend, I am deeply thankful.

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I've been there, dear Tachi.  I know how hard the journey is.

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Yes ma'am...and I see that you came through it all and are a good person. It gives me hope. 

I've been doing some studying in the evenings on life. based on the last couple years events and how I acted and felt it seems that i really didnt understand much of life nor myself. At this point in time this is my road and I must walk it. My challenge is to learn and prepare for what is to come. My challenge and opportunity is to consider that this is the last phase of my life. As I cant say I like my past I can attempt to create my future. Who do I want to be and how do I want to live. the test is to see clearly and to be able to change. I understand that when I pass I will be forgotten. I will not change this world nor leave behind much of note. And that's ok. 

And lest I forget I wanted to wish you ladies a Happy Mom's Day

Take care

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Don't cut yourself short, you're a good man.  And thanks for the wishes!

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https://narcwise.com/2018/09/18/what-happens-when-narc-knows-you-know/

 

my best friend sent me this website and there are some good articles, describing my dad to a 'T', so much so is scary. I can understand how things must be for him but considering how he has treated me and knowing what he is capable of i will not ever be close to him or trust him or leave myself in a vulnerable position. If it comes to it I would just have to leave no matter the cost to me or him. Anyway, thought this might be a good read.

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Tachi, I have excerpts from a book Malignant Self-Love, I originally had the whole book, not sure what happened to it, but I've sent it to you by email...it described my XH to a T and really, my mom somewhat too.  When you understand more about a Narcissist, you realize they don't seem capable of truly loving, but rather they can mimic what they've seen to fool people, but the real deal, no.  

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Thank you....it's interesting now how I look back and things fall into place. And how what he did was to keep me down. Its odd that for the last four years, a couple in animation school and a year now studying for my IT certifications he has not encouraged me nor shown any interest. Funny how when he had episodes I knew something was wrong with him but this really makes it clear. Sad to think about all the people who deal with this and dont understand. Very sad to think that Mom had to deal with it. At the end she was afraid of so many things. I honestly think it for the best that she passed. She is at peace now. 

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Tachi, I concur.  My mom was tormented all her life with emotional/mental problems she didn't get help for, but now she is at peace and able to be the person she was created to be.  That brings me peace, although sometimes I miss her even though I know her response would be inappropriate, I guess we softly forget how it really was.

Your mom didn't have those issues but she had her own things to deal with (your dad) and now is at rest and in peace.  I hope that brings you comfort.

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Mom, in her dementia or whatever it was that afflicted her became sweeter and more childlike. And she forgot things. One time she saw a Coca-cola commercial and said out loud how she wondered what that tasted like. Of course she had had them plenty of times before. So dad got her a 6pack of Coke, which she wrinkled up her nose at. Near the end she wasnt herself yet maybe she was more so. I dont know at what point either of them started changing. I couldnt tell in a phone call. sadly, I didn't understand what was going on when she was still here. But yes ma'am she is at peace and she doesnt have to endure the fears she had. Even though I would love to have just one more day with her and talk about life and laugh, all in all I think its better this way.

Thank you my friend.

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My mom became sweeter and softer with her Lewy Bodies Dementia, but when she was in dementia care they also treated her for her paranoia, which greatly caused the problems we'd had with her as it skewed her perception and hence her responses.  I'm thankful she went out softer because it made it easier to remember her by.  Of course we haven't forgotten the other years but it made it easier to forgive.

I feel the same, I wish I could have one more day with her...and each of those I've loved.  :wub:

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