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Caleb’s difficult journey

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Caleb is inpatient again at Yale children’s hospital because he self harmed himself.  His bipolar and depression is super bad again.  My husband and I are so angry that God has put our sweet boy through this agony.  He needs to get stable enough to return home.  It just breaks my heart.  On top of the psych issues he doesn’t understand why his Grammy and Grampy died and his big brother and little sisters.  We are all heartbroken.  💔😢

Katie. 

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I am so sorry to hear this yet again, Katie, but relieved that Caleb is in a safe place right now.  I will not suggest that you not be angry with your God at this time.  I don’t think there is a person who has experienced a great loss not lashing out at a God.  I remember the phrase “Thy Will Be Done” and have never been comfortable with it.  I don’t accept that we can say the phrase and mean it when we have lost a loved one let alone multiple loved ones.  I think we all have ‘blamed’ God for something in our lives at one time or another.  It is difficult enough for adults to try to understand death so I don’t think a child can understand either without patience, compassion, and good grief counseling.    

I pray that your family holds each other very tight and believe that those of us here are right with you.  There just are no words. 

Anne

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I cannot say it any better than Anne has said it, dear Katie. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious family. ❤️

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17 hours ago, A&K said:

Caleb is inpatient again at Yale children’s hospital because he self harmed himself.  His bipolar and depression is super bad again.  My husband and I are so angry that God has put our sweet boy through this agony.  He needs to get stable enough to return home.  It just breaks my heart.  On top of the psych issues he doesn’t understand why his Grammy and Grampy died and his big brother and little sisters.  We are all heartbroken.  💔😢

Katie. 

Katie,

Although it is not my belief that God "does things to us", I do remember that early grief after I'd lost my husband, feeling angry with God.  I came through it realizing He was there all the time for me, but He understood my anger and grief and He had broad shoulders and could take it.  I appreciate Anne's reminder about that.  Our feelings are just what they are...feelings.  Something to get through and not something to deny.  You and Allen and Caleb have had a lot to deal with and I can only imagine the labyrinth you must be trying to make your way through.

Praying for Caleb and for your family and hoping for some peace to come soon.  Love to you all.

Kay

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Thanks ladies.  I’m not really angry anymore.  I just am sad and broken that Our son Has to face these challenges now and the rest of his life.  Mental illness is no joke.  And obviously runs in family with both of Allen’s parents.  

Thank you for your kindness as always. 

Allen and I had a session with Caleb at the hospital today.  

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33 minutes ago, A&K said:

 I just am sad and broken that Our son Has to face these challenges now and the rest of his life.  Mental illness is no joke.

Indeed not, dear Katie ~ but it's good to know that you're taking this seriously and giving your boy the professional help he needs and deserves. ❤️

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How did the session go?  I'm glad you have each other to go through this with, it'd be hard alone, I know you have a lot of work ahead of you and you're in my constant prayers.

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Dearest A&K,

I have prayed for your family for some time now but it seems my prayers aren't being answered the way I would like.  Mental health has been overlooked for so long and unfortunately it is almost a taboo topic.  I'm sorry that there has been such suffering with mental health and physical health these last several years.  I hope you both continue to have the strength and ability to help your family heal.

My heart breaks thinking of all your family has suffered.  I know that bad things happen to good people but you have had too much of the bad.  It's time for some of the sad to be replaced with some joy and peace.  I continue to pray for you all.

I wish my virtual hugs cold help you. 

Sincerely, Marita

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This little boy and little family have been through the war.  He has got to come away with some of the feelings our soldiers had when they came back from wars with battle fatigue, shell shock and now calling it PTSD.  Not just sweet Caleb, but the whole family.  I am one of the people who carries some anger toward God, but the pamphlet they gave me for my mama's hospice care said that was perfectly normal and so I really have not felt bad about it.  My dad was strict, so I just thought of him like my dad.  I don't know the reasons why bad things happen to good people, but they  do, sometimes in war and sometimes in attacks on innocent people in schools.  

Katie, mental illness runs rampant through my family and during my kids high school years and young adult years with bipolar in both of them, I just fought constantly and worried when I was away from them.  My son was shot and coded on the OR table and my daughter has been in so many scrapes.  Fighting drugs was terrifying but we got through it.  Not all my son's friends were so lucky.  It is a constant fight and your Caleb and your little family have been in a terrible battle.  Please let us hear from you often.  We care, we all care so much.  

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