kphil Posted May 21, 2018 Report Share Posted May 21, 2018 Hi everyone. I've been reading these the past few days to help me, but I've decided to post my own because I really need some advice. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years now. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 20. On Valentine's Day of this year, my boyfriend's dad passed away completely out of the blue. It was entirely unexpected and it shocked us all. We were down at school (A little over 2 hours away from home) at the time, so we drove back home and spent 5 days there before coming right back to school. We both had to dive back into our studies ASAP. My boyfriend focused so intensely on his studies (ended up with a 4.0 for the semester) and I think he used that as a way of pushing off his grieving at the time. Flash forward 3 months later, now we're back at home for the summer break. My boyfriend has realized being home this past week that he hasn't been able to fully grieve, because at school he's used to his dad not being there, but not at home. I think he's in shock all over again, and he's a complete mess, as expected. A few days ago he broke up with me. He was crying the entire time, telling me he loved me and he wasn't sure what he needs right now but that he thinks it's best for him to be on his own for now. He said he wasn't sure if he could handle a relationship right now. He said if we stayed together right now then he thinks it would probably ruin our chances of a future. He thinks this time apart will give us a better chance for our future together. Today is only day 3 of not speaking with him and I am a total mess. I understand and respect why he is doing this, but it's so hard because our relationship is so strong and so good. I hate how much he is hurting and I want him to be okay again, but I'm having a hard time understanding why he can't be in a relationship with me while going through this next part of grief. We've been through so much already, and I was by his side these past 3 months since his dad's passing. I want to be by his side during this time too, but he's made it clear that I can't be right now. He needs time and space on his own to learn how to be okay on his own, alone without his dad in his life. He still wants me to be part of his life, but right now just as his friend. His 21st birthday is in 3 days. He wants me to come to his birthday dinner with his family and closest friends, still. I have all his gifts I made and bought for him. I want to go so badly, and he says he really wants me to come, as long as I feel comfortable enough going, but I'm worried I'll cry the whole time I'm there. I don't know how to just be his friend when he's been so much more than that for years now. He keeps saying he needs space and time and that he's so sorry and that he loves me. But I don't know how to give him space. He's my best friend, my true love, and my person. I don't know who to talk to about this because not many people around me understand. He wants us to be together later on. It just scares me not knowing how long this will last, because it would break my heart even more if this ended up lasting forever. I love him more than anything in this world and I want him to heal properly. If that means me taking a step back from his life for a while then that's okay. I just don't know how to just be his best friend right now, without also being his girlfriend. I guess I'm posting on here because I just need some advice from you all going through similar situations. I need some advice on how to cope with this and how to give him space without overstepping these new, unfamiliar boundaries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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