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Michael’s birthday today 5/25


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Today is my beloved husband Michael’s birthday. He would have been 56 today. This is the 2nd of his birthdays that he has not been here, as he was taken from me on July 10,  2016

I’ll always love you, my dearest Michael, and I miss you more than words can say. An ocean of tears have flowed since you left, and I will never be the same again.

God Bless you my love.

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CairnLady,

Thinking of you today as you are missing Michael.  My husband's birthday is June 14 and his death day June 19 so next month is when I get hit hard...it was on Father's Day as well, so double whammy.  My parent's anniversary and my dad's birthday is June 10 so I feel like I'm hit all month.  My son-in-law's birthday is June 6 and him and my daughter are on the brink of divorce, so that day will hit as well as it's not like it was in the past, not even sure how to handle it.

Today I pray you will be given good memories and even though you are missing him so much and that's bound to bring tears and pain, I pray it's also with good feelings of memories of the love the two of you share that neither time or distance, not even death can destroy.

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Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words. Yes, tears are flowing hard and fast today.

I am not yet in a place where good memories bring me any comfort or peace, only a reminder of what I’ll never have again. 

Perhaps with time that will change, but not today.

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I'm sorry that at this time you are not able to find comfort or peace in your memories. 

It comes and goes with me.  Sometimes I feel like I can't take another breath, but I do.  I do it because I want to honour my husband.  Born February 5, '59 died too soon January 5, 2016. 

Do what works for you.  While we all have loss and grief in common each of us as individuals have differing ways of grieving.

And, know that you are not alone here.

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1 hour ago, CairnLady said:

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words. Yes, tears are flowing hard and fast today.

I am not yet in a place where good memories bring me any comfort or peace, only a reminder of what I’ll never have again. 

Perhaps with time that will change, but not today.

So sorry sending a virtual hug.

I'm in the same place re memories. Can they ever give good feelings instead of the pain of loss? I'm told they can over time. Have no idea.

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We keep being told memories will bring us solace, but they not in our situation have any idea how wrong they can be.  Especially on days that were once happy ones.  Whatever this day brings you, and however you feel and handle is totally right for you.  It’s so hard to be crying when you used to buy a special card.  Or not pick up a cupcake or make a special dinner.  Even without those, it was the fact it was a special day because they were in our lives.  Now it is torture.  Smiles turn to tears.  It’s natural and it sucks.

i understand.  💔

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Well, I managed to survive yesterday. I actually feel sick and exhausted today, from all of the crying and stress of yesterday I’m sure.

i wanted to thank you all so much for your replies and wishes for solace, and for the simple understanding, really knowing how hard it was for me. I’ve received no such understanding, or even an attempt to understand from anyone else, except my grief counselor.

A recent comment from my self-absorbed sister was “I don’t even know who you are anymore”.

Ironically, how correct she is, but I certainly know exactly who they are, which is why I made the decision to remove them from my life.

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CairnLady,

I'm so sorry your sister isn't supportive of you, mine are, although they really have no clue, even after all these years, what it's like to lose your husband, they still have theirs.  Their husbands drive them when they can't drive, cook for them and take care of them when they have a bad fall or surgery, contribute financially and domestically to the household, are there to discuss contractors, loss of job, etc. or even just talk over their day.  Their husbands are there to take care of their pets if they need to go somewhere.  They wake up to their husbands on Christmas and get to go on vacation with them.  Their husbands can still hold them.  Nope, they don't have a clue.  You'd think they could close their eyes and imagine it and realize all they have with their husbands but they never stop and think about what their lives would be like "if"...
 

I'm glad you made it through the day, even though it was hard...done for another year, except for all the other "special days".  I honestly used to feel I deserved a medal for surviving those days!  So here it is!

 

medal.jpg

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