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Does this train wreck ever slow down?


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For me, the greatest challenge has been one of reinventing Brad. For so many years I was BradnDeedo. I started fourteen months ago on an odyssey of redefining Brad. There have been things that I shelved because Deedo did not enjoy them as much as I. Classical music is a good example; it made her sad but I’ve enjoyed it since my youth. In hush school while others were listening to the Beatles or the Beach Boys, I preferred Rachmaninov. After all it was the original long hair music. It was the same with jazz. Now when I download music about 90% is either classical or jazz.

Now when I travel it’s never to places I went with Deedo nor places we talked about going- I will never be able to take an Alaskan cruise for example. But as a result my travels now have opened new doors and new possibilities. I just spent a week in Bratislava and Janka has given me the ability to once more cherish today and anticipate tomorrow. 

I really do understand the pain people are going through. For the past thirty-five months I have been there. 

Finding one’s new life is next to impossible. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But there a hope. 

My thoughts and best wishes are for everyone here. 

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19 hours ago, TomPB said:

Our summer activity was sailing. We were a perfect team and were always ready to go on a nice day. Our favorite was "cruising", going away for a week or so and living on the boat. Last year I managed to reach out and get groups of friends to go out for the day. No cruising. Being together on a 33' boat is very intimate, and even if I could get someone to go with me, I'm not sure I would be comfortable with a non-Susan.

Now it's a year later, and I haven't been sailing. What's kind of disturbing is that I have no motivation to recruit people to go. I haven't got better, I've got worse. Do I not love sailing anymore? That would be a big loss.

Ours was camping.  I haven't been camping since.  I finally gave our camping trailer to my son.  It's not the same without George, just not.

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11 hours ago, Brad said:

Finding one’s new life is next to impossible. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But there a hope. 

There is hope Brad.  Have always looked on you as one of the survivors and hope for your happiness..  There is a Dr. Seuss saying I tell my kids all the time.  Strange, I find myself having to listen to it also.  Wish you the best.

My son was a DJ for years and years.  He played what was popular at the moment in time he was working.  I introduced him to Tom Waits and he still plays him the most, but classical and jazz have been his mainstays.........no, Tom Waits is his mainstay.......and there were times my "Queen," "Journey," "The Band," and "Eagles" were all I wanted to listen to and could hear nothing but Tom Waits, and please don't let one of his invade your brain, it eats away at it.  I guess if we all liked the same stuff it would not be "what a wonderful world" and he can sing it just like Armstrong.  Sometimes music helps heal, sometimes it rips open.

seuss1.jpg

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On 6/18/2018 at 7:23 AM, Marg M said:

There is hope Brad.  Have always looked on you as one of the survivors and hope for your happiness.

Wish you the best.

We all do, Brad, you're one of us.  I don't know what that looks like, I can't say as I'm searching for anything but have learned to be content, as content as I can with my George gone.

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On 6/19/2018 at 9:52 AM, kayc said:

We all do, Brad, you're one of us.  I don't know what that looks like, I can't say as I'm searching for anything but have learned to be content, as content as I can with my George gone.

Like you Kay, i am as content as it's possible for me to be to finish my life alone. I hate the loneliness, and I'll most likely never be completely used to it. But as much as I hate it, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to begin again with a new significant other. One reason is that It wouldn't be fair to me or her. I've lived with myself for 69 years, and in many ways nobody knows me better than I know myself. I would constantly be making comparisons. And then I've also become a bit of a curmudgeon, and very set in my ways by now. Sometimes I just don't play well with others.

BTW, that was a wonderful picture of your George you put up a day or so ago. My apologies for failing to say anything sooner. Hope you're feeling some better today.

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

I think it's time for some coffee.

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I'll bet when we were a lot younger, we used to wonder why "older" people related the same stories over and over. We'd just listen politely and then chalk it up to senility. I think I understand now. Some of us just have no new stories or experiences to relate. We are "stuck" in those old memories with nowhere else to go. I applaud those like Brad who are able to reach for new horizons.

Pretty much set in my ways too, Darrell. Not sure another person could put up with me.  LOL

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I've gotten very set in my ways and used to living alone...but I'd welcome George being back in a heartbeat!  Our adjustment to each other was so easy, we were made for each other.  Never met anyone else like that!  But it seems you all found it too.

That's what I'm doing, Darrel, having coffee...I didn't expect to wake up at 3 am for the duration, but my refrigerator is going out (only 5 1/2 years old) so I think that kicked my anxiety in.  

Waiting for my sister and my son to get their MRIs, my heart heavy for them both.  My sister's can be fixed, my son's is a lifelong condition.  Sigh, when does life get better?

Oh and I found out why my ear is swollen, red, and itching...it's the ear drops (steroid & antibiotic) the doctor put me on for ten days and then told me to go back on after I showed him my itching swollen ear.  The paper that came with it...it says to DISCONTINUE use if itching, swelling, or redness appears, AND it says NOT to take more than ten days or it can cause permanent damage to the ear!  Can't trust doctors!  :angry:

 

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So sorry Kay.  In some cases, what doesn't kill us, cures us.  My daughter said she was allergic to all these antibiotics and I figured it was my daughter, as usual, dramatizing an illness with real or imagined issues.  I saw them come into her hospital room, give her a new antibiotic (since she said she was allergic to so many others), and she told them she was allergic to all those type of antibiotics.  She has been a nurse for years and years, but she was not one anymore.  I sat and watched that kid (after the nurse had left) break out in big red swollen areas all over her body.  Even though this was the newest generation of this antibiotic, she could not take these types, even the newest.  They learned she was not just a hysteric, she knew her body and she knew medications.  They gave her a steroid shot once and she had a seizure on the way out of the ER, a true life threatening seizure.  Since then, I have learned what I can take and what I cannot..  I carry my medical history in the front of my purse.  A doctor,, if I am hospitalized would do a colonoscopy to find the disorder.  It would automatically kill me, so I have  to carry my alerts along with me.  I go for medicine refills for my hypertension, but otherwise, at my age, they are to do nothing to anything below my breast line.  We never know when a life threatening action will happen, but you know well enough now you cannot take that medication, and you know what steroid drops can do to you too.  Sometimes we have to be our own doctors so we can direct the real ones.  No one knows our own body like we do.  I got another call the other day that it was time for my yearly checkup from the doc that could have killed me by not listening to me.  This is the third time this office has called me and it was not for a late bill payment.  For the third time I told them I had fired this doctor and they laugh when I say that.  I am too old for "educated guesses.."

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I’m so sick of doctors thinking they know my body better than I do.  I ask them specific questions about new meds for certain side effects and they either say no or play them down.  I depend much more on my pharmacist than them and research on my own too.  My biggie is anxiety or dizziness and docs usually say no.  I don’t mean a slight hype, I mean triggering my anxiety attacks.  Sure enough it may be there on the side effect list.  My arthritis doc can’t get it thru her head I can’t take the anti inflammation meds.  I can’t even take advil.  I tried 3 of hers but she keeps saying there are 21 and one may work.  Maybe,  but it seems pretty obvious to me I can’t tolerate that family of meds and I’m certainly not going to try more experimentation.  Same with steroids.  BTDT too.  I’ve been prescribed so many things that make it into my chart I finally went thru it at my docs and said let’s make this easy and I’ll tell you the 5 I am one and you can erase the rest.  I also carry a card in my purse about meds.  Have one on my fridge and in the car too if something happens.  I need their knowledge but I also need them to listen to me.   I’m the boss of this body.

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My sister is highly allergic to aspirin related products, they gave it to her once and almost killed her...when my BIL called for the ambulance it couldn't access their street because fire crews blocked it (their street was across from a park where they'd made a fire camp and they overflowed past it).  We almost lost her because of this discombobulated treatment!  Another time a hospital doctor tried to give her aspirin-related Rx, fortunately she was cognizant and stopped it.  This and she WEARS the medical alert, plus it's in her medical records!  Do they even read?

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I trust doctors more than politicians, but no, I do not think they listen.  I also do not think they read the chart before they see you.  Maybe there are still real doctors out there but I went from seeing MD's to seeing nurse practitioners and PA's when I started in with Medicare.  And, I am happier.  Now, have to say a real surgeon, a historically arrogant surgeon that was required to take anger therapy, he thoroughly saved my life, and I love him, even though he never scheduled a follow-up after he saw I was going to live.  Billy had two physicals, not much hands on, but laboratory work twice a year and fell through the cracks that older folks seem to have wider each year.  And, that doc realized it and never sent a bill.  I would have rather keep Billy, but he was a mistake that did fall through the cracks.  They are the doc's, they have the degrees, but you know your body so watch out, be vigilant, we still have to go to them sometimes.  

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9 minutes ago, olemisfit said:

Here I go with some of my left-handed humor-I'm not going to include the punchline since I'm sure everyone knows what it is. The question is...what is the difference between God and a doctor? The answer explains Kay's predicament. 

In the doctor's mind nothing......

 

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18 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m so sick of doctors thinking they know my body better than I do.  I ask them specific questions about new meds for certain side effects and they either say no or play them down.  I depend much more on my pharmacist than them and research on my own too.  My biggie is anxiety or dizziness and docs usually say no.  I don’t mean a slight hype, I mean triggering my anxiety attacks.  Sure enough it may be there on the side effect list.  My arthritis doc can’t get it thru her head I can’t take the anti inflammation meds.  I can’t even take advil.  I tried 3 of hers but she keeps saying there are 21 and one may work.  Maybe,  but it seems pretty obvious to me I can’t tolerate that family of meds and I’m certainly not going to try more experimentation.  Same with steroids.  BTDT too.  I’ve been prescribed so many things that make it into my chart I finally went thru it at my docs and said let’s make this easy and I’ll tell you the 5 I am one and you can erase the rest.  I also carry a card in my purse about meds.  Have one on my fridge and in the car too if something happens.  I need their knowledge but I also need them to listen to me.   I’m the boss of this body.

You definitely have to fight an uphill battle, though, unfortunately.  I think they are all so busy and overwhelmed and unless you make a fuss, you get put aside.  I had a terrible time with nurses over John's pain meds.  Most of them weren't working and they kept insisting morphine was the king of medicines...I did my own research and found out there were many options and combinations that hadn't even been mentioned.  When I tried to talk to them about it, they basically told me they knew what was the best.  That began my real descent in terms of my trust in medical personnel.  I wish us all luck with it.....Cookie

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For years, I monitored every medication Ron was given and questioned every medical procedure that was scheduled or performed. There was the doctor who couldn't remember why he had sent Ron to the hospital for a heart procedure at 6 AM(walked right out of that one and got a new doctor), the nurse who decided on her own to put a bag of potassium(enough to stop his heart) in his IV(stopped her before it was too late),  the torture as a nurse tried repeatedly to inset an IV(asked nicely and then had to scream loudly in the hallway for a PICC nurse), the non-essential catherization that shut off his bladder opening, the contrast dye during the CT that shut down his kidneys. So many medical errors that were made, I can't remember them all. In the end, they finally managed to kill him despite everything I tried to do, better yet they had me kill him by turning off the life support. As a final act, I took his unused medications to the hospital and told them to destroy them as they had finally managed to kill him. I could do no more.

Needless to say, I have very little faith in or use for the medical profession.

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1 hour ago, KarenK said:

.... Needless to say, I have very little faith in or use for the medical profession.

My wife followed the Doctors advice for Type 2 Diabetes to an early grave.  Every medicine prescribed to manage a symptom rather than discovering the root cause of the problem.  Type 2 Diabetes is a lifestyle disease that can be healed by changing what we eat and improving some lifestyle routines..  Research LCHF and KETO.  We have been lied to about sugar, salt, Grains, processed oils, saturated fats and even dieting.  It is not about the calories.  It is about inflammation and insulin resistance. Search for the truth and you will find it.

My father was hospitalized a month ago.  He was in the hospital for ten days for multiple serious complications.  They told him he was diabetic ( He is NOT). They gave him Prednisone to fight blood and UTI infections.  Prednisone increases Insulin in the body and increases Blood sugar.  Also the Hospital (Diabetic Menu) gives 60grams of Carbs each meal (240gms/day). Of course his blood sugars went up and they are chasing the BS numbers with insulin which compounds the problem.  He was also given Lasix (furosemide) to remove excess fluids from his legs.  This created another problem that caused blisters on his skin, feet, mouth, and nose.  They blew up horribly. 

After getting, the medical diagnosis, We were told they don't know what causes it, it just happens as we get older.   I do a simple internet search and discover the the LASIX medicine can cause these blisters.  I show the Doctor and she says she never heard of it.  I showed her the link (WEBMD) and asked that my father's medicine be switched to another.  He is improving.  Blisters went away and he actual came home today from the Transitional Care facility.  We fought other battles with them as the quality of care is sub par. It has been a long and trying month but Dad is doing much better.  He just celebrated another Birthday and Father's Day last weekend.

We have to be our own health advocates.  We are given this body(vehicle) to transport us through this life.When we seek the truth we will eventually find it! - Shalom 

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Just once before I die I would like to be able to find a doctor that has progressed beyond practicing at being a doctor. I would maybe even be able to respect him/her. My wife also had type 2 diabetes. The first doctor she went to about it diagnosed her as having lupus. Really?! Then when the damned neuropathy first started bothering her the doctor told her it was morton's neuroma (tumors between the toes.There were never any tumors there. Sometimes the quality of nursing care leaves a whole lot to be desired.When my wife was told it was time to go onto dialysis her doctor convinced her (and me) that the peritoneal dialysis would be the way to go. It took 2 attempts at putting the tubes into her tummy area to try to get it right. And we never knew if the 2nd attempt worked any better than the 1st. When a nurse was changing the dressing on the incisions she lost the cap to her ballpoint pen. Anyone want to guess where that cap showed up at? I had been cautioned that I should under no circumstances try to change the dressing myself. It would be too easy for the incisions to get infected. So I didn't But we were watching TV in bed a few evenings later and we both started smelling rotten sewage. I mean REALLY rotten. So i started trying to find where it might be coming from.  It was coming from the bandaging. In spite of the warnings, I peeled the bandage off. Lo and behold, there was the cap to the nurse's ballpoint pen laying right on the incision. And it had infected the incisions. Really badly. My wife ended up spending almost 2 months in a long term  care facility hooked up to an infection pump.

Good medical care doesn't exist anymore. 

The doctors I'm using now. 

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14 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

We have to be our own health advocates.

That is a big for sure!!!  I'm glad you were able to find what was causing your dad's blisters so they could be alleviated.

My sister finally has an MRI scheduled for Wednesday, after that they can schedule surgery.  Still waiting to hear something about my son's situation.

20 hours ago, Marg M said:

I trust doctors more than politicians

That's not saying much!  :wacko:

Darrel,  I'm sorry about all your wife experienced.  I have had Morton's Neuroma bilaterally for about 14 years.  My little sister had it, they gave her a steroid shot and it caused her toes to separate, requiring surgery.  I won't do that.  I wear Kalso Earth shoes 100% (negative heels, putting weight toward the heel rather than the ball of the foot and distributing the weight more evenly), it's the only thing that brings me relief.  Sometimes we have to listen to what works for us.

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