My Heart is Broken

[julied12]

After 15 years of having my queensland heeler mix, Jasper, we had to let him go on May 19th, 2018.  I knew when the day came this would be hard and I am just not sure I can get past it.  Everyone says you will but it's been 2 weeks and I think about him all the time, I cry every day and I am just broken.  Last year, due to his pancreatitis we didn't think he would last that long but he made it an additional year.  I have been working from home for the last year to give him time sensitive medication.  He was still eating and was alert in the end but his little body just couldn't support him.  He was getting weaker and was in some pain.  I still feel like I quit on him and gave up up on him.  I am selfish and I want him back.   I just don't know how to deal with everyday without him.   I am struggling - I still wake up every night to listen for him as he would sleep in a big in our bedroom and sometimes he needed a little help during the night to get up on it.  Once I wake up I find it hard to go back to sleep as I am missing him.   

[enna]

Oh Julie, what a very handsome Jasper.  I am so sorry you have this pain.  It is too early for you to not feel deep loss right now.  When we love our pets it is up to us to know what they need.  You sound like a very loving pet mama.  Sending hugs.

Anne

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Loss of our pet can be one of the deepest griefs we can feel to those of us who are truly animal lovers and my heart really goes out to you.  The pain will eventually lessen, but getting through it meanwhile can be tough.  

Jasper is beautiful, I can see why you love him so, his spirit shines through.  

It's normal to have second thoughts in grief, it's almost as if we're trying to come up with a different outcome, all part of our grief process, we question ourselves.  You did the only thing one can do under the circumstances, you didn't let him suffer needlessly when his time came.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/pet-loss-articles.html

[julied12]

Thank you so much for your very kind words.  I knew this would be hard but never realized how hard and I just can't seem to move forward.

[MartyT]

My dear, you say it's been two weeks that you've been without your beloved Jasper ~ and yet you had 15 years of having his physical presence in your life. You cannot grow accustomed to his absence as if you're merely turning off a light switch! Give yourself the time to mourn this significant loss, and do whatever you need to nurture yourself.

You may find these articles helpful: Pet Loss: When Nothing Eases The Pain and Pet Loss: Why Does It Hurt So Much?  ❤️

[julied12]

Thank you so much.  My friend keeps telling me this as well.  That one article is me to a tee and we had been through many illnesses with him so I did have an extra attachment to him.  We do have a 3 year old heeler so I do have another special dog in my world and don't get me wrong - I adore her too but he always had me completely.