How to Reassure a Kid

[Blue Captain]

I'm not sure where exactly to put this among the categories. The grief in here is hypothetical, a "what if" question from my brother.

Recently we watched Big Hero 6. It's a story of Hiro Hamada, a boy genius obsessed with robots. He and his big brother Tadashi, a college student, live with their aunt. Hiro is convinced by Tadashi to apply for a spot at the university by joining an exhibit. While the brothers hang out at the university, a fire breaks out at one building and Tadashi dies as he tries to help. Hiro continues to live with their aunt.

My little brother has this question: "Who will take care of me if you die?" He knows that Dad and the house staff will be there. But he's worried that nobody will look after him  "like you"--more on the emotional side of things such as having someone to talk to without being called a whiner or answer his questions. I assured him that I'm not going to keel over dead soon, that I'm in good health. I'll be away at college but we can still talk and that there are extinguishers and stuff in buildings to help people in case of fire. Then he promptly reminded me of what I said about death before--that some people die young, others die old. I realize that this fear is real for him.

I could not say he could go to our father, and the house staff isn't on the list too.  How do I go about this?

[kayc]

Yes his fear and anxiety is real.  It's very sad that a child his age should be worrying about things like this.  I have GAD, have had anxiety all my life.  What I've learned to do is stay in today, every time I start worrying about future, it's not good.  I have to stay in today.  I plan, of course, do the best I can with decisions, but of the things I cannot control, I have to try to let go of.  I realize that does little to alleviate your brother's fears, he is a child, he has not yet learned to deal with such things.  It's 1 am, I should be sleeping, but my mind has been going since 11:45 pm.  I don't wish this on anybody.

If, God forbid, something should happen to you, I have all faith that God would bring someone into your brother's life, to encourage and care about him.  I have my sister for emotional support, that's about it, but she's in her 70s and not in good health, too many years of inactivity and smoking, and that is a concern of mine too but I cannot focus on that, only believe that if and when that time comes, there will be someone step up to the plate, a new friend I haven't yet met perhaps.  Tell him God is looking out for him and will bring the right ones into his life when he needs them.  I truly believe he is worrying about something that will not happen, you are both young and yes some die young but the odds are greater you will live.  I am a statistics person, I like numbers, I'm good with them, I guess that's why I'm our Church Treasurer and did bookkeeping all my life.  To me they tell a story, you can get a lot from numbers.  By the same token, odds tell a story, they're good predictors.  It's not necessarily an absolute, but a pretty good idea.  I hope he can learn to trust and have faith in the future.  When I am needing it, I like looking at the stars, at the galaxies beyond, there are some wonderful youtube videos of space, it gives me a feeling that there is a bigger picture, a God that has everything within His scope, it makes my problems seem insignificant, it gives me a different perspective.  

[MartyT]

As Kay says, you can acknowledge his fears as real, but at the same time you can reassure your brother that although it's true that every single one of us will die one day, it is highly unusual for it to happen soon to someone like you, who is young, healthy and careful to take good care of yourself. You can assure him that you are here now, that you intend to be in his life as long as you both shall live, and that you will do all in your power to continue being someone he can depend upon to love him and make sure he is well cared for, as you have always done. Explain to him that as we grow older, our circle grows larger (family, friends, teachers, etc.) and in addition to you and your father, there will always be people in his life he can depend upon.

[Blue Captain]

Madam KayC and Madam MartyT,

Thank you for the advice.

 

With respects,

Blue Captain