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I hate hate waiting time here i am already counting on my head how many more years till i can finally pass so i can be with my hubby i already have plot i have the urge to go now we did the pre paid burial thing before he pass he has his already and i have my plot but i can't stay sometimes no long and waiting to move and speed along the years to whatever i will pass.. I read and spoke some people the god posted marked each of us already when we going die i wish i knew from god what my age to die will be i need to know the number when i will pass already. I am doing on search like my year i was born and year how long i will be like ???? + 2030? or 2090 i know i wont live 3000 lol alll of us here will wont be here by 3000 i am trying not think about maybe the time will go by fast bc soon will be 2019 then 2020.. Do any of you count the days to go by faster. my religious beilef is if you do bad to yourself you wont able see your spouse in long long time.. so i try not to do anything to myself but if you pass from illness or natural causes or anything you will see your spouse.. do you ever wonder what age you will pass that god marked you in.

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I don’t believe in god, per se.  I also don’t think things are predestined but influenced by choices we made (smoking, drugs, eating) and heredity.  But I do wonder how long I will have before I can leave this pain behind.  I don’t even know if I will see Steve again.  The great unknown.  I also feel our life is our own and some will decide to end thiers.  I don’t think that comes with a punishment.  We were given life without asking.  We are also the only species that knows there is an end to it.  That not knowing is a gift I see in animals. They don’t get bogged down thinking of anything but the now.  When they know something is wrong, they just flow with it.  Being human has many rewards, but many obstacles we have to live with our intellects and can get caught in traps.  I fee it is about the quality of that life that makes all the difference and now ours has changed.  What was once good is empty and leads to fear and a loneliness no words can describe.  The longing to be with our partner is so strong.  It’s a powerful pull I never could have imagined because I never thought it would end.  Just not a thing you think of.  Even when we did our wills, they were filed away and forgotten.  We were busy living.

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never did i drink,smoke.drugs..never will start doing that.. but i keep hoping get those years time faster ive been search how to make 10 or 20 years go by fast.. a person said you don't know when or how you going to pass.. i am hurry to be next to my hubby. but i will never hurt myself to do it after all you and i and rest people are here even though we alllll want to go from this earth and be with our spouses.. if we really wanted to go already we would done something bad.. i do love my furrybabies so much they soo comform and great love companion and keep me busy till i miss and love my hubby so much its dragging me here that us have to be here as people would say we have to finish our business before leaving this earth.. i do have health problems even before i met hubby so hoping it will get wrost so i can go sooner already. 

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I lean towards that too, Gwen, that our choices do affect us.  I believe God knows what will happen, unlike us, but I don't think He determines it for us, He gives us freedom of choice and we get consequences sometimes.  I don't know when I'll die, maybe it's best we don't know what is to come.  Today is enough for me to take on and handle!

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12 hours ago, irina S said:

I hate hate waiting time here i am already counting on my head how many more years till i can finally pass so i can be with my hubby i already have plot i have the urge to go now we did the pre paid burial thing before he pass he has his already and i have my plot but i can't stay sometimes no long and waiting to move and speed along the years to whatever i will pass.. I read and spoke some people the god posted marked each of us already when we going die i wish i knew from god what my age to die will be i need to know the number when i will pass already. I am doing on search like my year i was born and year how long i will be like ???? + 2030? or 2090 i know i wont live 3000 lol alll of us here will wont be here by 3000 i am trying not think about maybe the time will go by fast bc soon will be 2019 then 2020.. Do any of you count the days to go by faster. my religious beilef is if you do bad to yourself you wont able see your spouse in long long time.. so i try not to do anything to myself but if you pass from illness or natural causes or anything you will see your spouse.. do you ever wonder what age you will pass that god marked you in.

Irina, I can relate. I thought about resuming drinking, not because it would make things better, but because it might make me die quicker. The husband of an old friend died about a week after she did, and my cousin died 6 ms after her husband, and I think they really got the good deal. However I know Susan would not want me to hurt myself. My sister was talking to a psychic and the psychic delivered a message to me from Susan (even tho sister had not mentioned Susan!)  that "I'm always with him, I'm waiting for him, I'm worried about him, and he can't leave the planet before his time no matter what". So I don't know what I believe about the next life, but I have to consider the possibility that hurting myself might get in the way of being with Susan. Also the main point I can see to my life now is making sure that Susan is remembered, and I can't do that if I'm gone.

Despite my age I'm a competitive swinner. On sprints coach will say "get your heart rate up" meaning go all out. Right after 3/31/17 I was trying to sprint as hard as I could, holding my breath as long as I could, to get my heart rate up enough to give myself a heart attack and die in the pool. However it just made me tired. Best wishes, TomPB

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I have put this on here before.. It made an impact on me.  We know my faith wavers, but I do know it is still there.  Sometimes I feel old and worthless, but I know my family loves me and I love them.  The story was about a flood and I think of Katrina and the people on top of their houses waiting to be saved.  The story says that a man and woman were sitting on their roof and a boat came to rescue them.  They said "no, God will save us" so they were left alone.  Then two more boats came to rescue them and in like manner they said the same thing.  Well, they drowned and went to heaven.  They said "God, why didn't you rescue us?"  He said "I sent you three boats."  Whether they may be jokes, whether you believe or not, it eventually will happen.  My mama said a long time ago she wanted to go be with her sisters, she was not afraid of dying.  But that Alzheimer's coal of fire in her brain was all that lived in her poor little body.  She left a long time ago.  I just increased my life insurance.  Billy and I were so dumb we payed for years on my insurance.  When he passed away I called my insurance to see how much I had because I wanted to will myself to die too.  We had paid all those years on accident insurance for me and life insurance for him.  If I had gone first, they would have been in trouble.  

I do have so much wrong with me that cannot be fixed and they all know my wishes.  Now, when I leave, if I have any last thoughts, my family will have enough to pay for everything, even the stupid death tax in Louisiana.  That puts my mind at rest.  We have our plots and our ashes will be mixed together in a plain box.  I just have to get a stone to put at our plots.  I hope I live long enough to do that, but if not, they know what I want and will have enough if I cannot get it ahead of time.  But, I just want to see it.  I guess things will happen like they happen.  I know I have to lose weight or the cost will be more.  Billy left and I just let myself go.  I'll go when I have to, I just hope I am no burden to my family.  That is all that scares me.  

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