Father passed in February

[Merrien]

Thanks for adding me, to the admins.  I thought it would be helpful to hear other's experiences as I go through this situation.  My father passed away in February from ALS.  He'd only had a diagnosis since the July prior, so it went quickly.  A blessing to shorten suffering, I guess, but hard of course for those of us left.  

I spent probably 2-3 months in total shock. I have lost pets, grandparents, distant friends, uncles, but his has been the closest one to me.  They're all hard, but this one has been the closest and hardest so far.  

I fear my mother's death even more now, which I know is somewhat irrational as she is in good health at the moment.  

But someone at my dad's service told me "my father's death was hard, but nothing near as hard as my mother's." Felt like a stone dropped into my stomach.  

I am 44, I have a 5 year old daughter I am full time caregiver for.  She starts school in the fall.  I am trying hard to be a good mom while I'm going through this period. 

Anyways, thanks for this space and giving me a voice here.  

I wish the best for all of us. 

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Merrien said:

someone at my dad's service told me "my father's death was hard, but nothing near as hard as my mother's."

That was not only inappropriate for them to bring up but possibly inaccurate...some of us are closer to our mom, some of us are closer to our dad, some of us...it's complicated.  The point being, everyone's journey is unique.  Try not to pay heed to that.

When we go through a close loss such as this, it can change us, how we view things, how we respond.  My hope is that those changes are positive in the sense they can cause us to appreciate life in the moment more and take nothing for granted, to show love and appreciation, but not let grief deposit us in fear.

I'm very sorry for your loss...I was 29 when my own father passed and being a daddy's girl, that was hard.  I've long ago gotten used to it, but I wish I could have had him longer, I guess we always wish that about people we've loved and lost, no matter how long they lived.  I'm sorry about your dad, I had a good friend pass from ALS a few years go, it's a very hard disease.

[snflwrgrl]

I commend you for being a stay at home mom. That’s wonderful! There doesn’t seem to be many of those anymore and I believe that to be the most important and rewarding job in the entire world! I’m very sorry about the loss of your dad. My dad died when I was only 26 and my mom died five years ago. My mom and I were very close. When she passed away, I went to GriefShare. Have you considered it? I met other women who were going through the same emotions I was there. I no longer felt so alone. I received support there and sometimes it just helped to talk. GriefShare also gave me the tools I needed to start the healing process. It’s offered nationwide and I encourage you to find one in your area. It may help you too.  My mom was a strong, what some people call “born again” Christian and, although we were very close and I miss her dearly, knowing she went to heaven comforts me greatly. I am a Christian also and I know without a doubt I will see her again. I will be praying for you this week, for strength and peace. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself and enjoy every moment! you have with your family. I’m glad you reached out! Hugs! 

[Merrien]

Thank you both.  I'll have to check out grief share, I hadn't heard of it before.  

ALS is indeed an awful disease.  I hope we can find a cure.  My mom and I plan to participate in the walk, probably next year. 

Yeah, not sure if my friend thought she was being helpful or just couldn't help herself, but it wasn't the thing to say at his service, or maybe ever.  

Hope you have a nice weekend.

[snflwrgrl]

I think it’s great that you and your mom are going to participate in the ALS walk next year. That’s wonderful!! I hope they find a cure too. <3 I’m so glad!! you’re going to check out GriefShare. I hope you find it as comforting as I did. Have a good week. Hugs.