Everything Hurts

[Rahn]

My name is Ron and I just lost the love of my life for the last 25 years on July 5 2018. Breast cancer took her from me and our 4 kids. We spent more time together as a couple than we did apart. She was 45 when she died. We did everything together. I was holding her hand and our only daughter was holding her other hand when she died. That was the worst moment of my life. 

We did almost everything together. Now it hurts to do everything because it is without her. Eating hurts. I loved to cook because she loved my food. It hurts to try to sleep because i know i will wake up without her next to me. I don't know what to do with all this pain. How do you keep waking up everyday without your loved one.

[zeeks]

My soulmate my life passed in May of 2006. I don't know if it ever gets better because it's been 12 years and that sounds depressing but I'm still breathing 12 years later the only thing I can say is the children get you through it in my situation my son or my stepson my husband's biological son at that point in time in 06 now had lost both biological parents I raised his two daughters and the only thing that got me through was trying to keep my son who has a barrage of mental illnesses on the straight and narrow because he is also a recovering addict and raising both of the girls in in as normal a home as I could give them there are times I feel like I failed miserably and there are times I see little glimmers of light like the oldest granddaughter has my husband sense of rationale and calmness and doesn't get overly upset and then when she does it's more like me who seems to lose it but 12 years later I still don't know everything does hurt physically hurts emotionally hurts intellectually hurts it hurts to breathe some days you need to pray because God and your children are the only way you're going to be able to keep putting one foot in front of the other I didn't want this to sound depressing I wanted this to sound uplifting and I don't think it sounds like that now I hope that it helps Zeeks

[zeeks]

God be with you!!!!

I hurt for you and your family, like only one that has been there can do.

Little solace I know...but all the same am praying for you all

[enna]

Dear Ron,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved wife to breast cancer. Please accept my sincere condolences to you and your children.

Right now you are in early grief and the most you can expect of yourself is to live hour to hour. It is perfectly normal that you are hurting. All the things you mentioned are what grief is about. Everything changes because everything you knew stopped. This will change. The pain is there because there was great love. I don’t know what ages your kids are but if they are still at the age of needing care you will find the strength to do that. You will need to take the time you need to go through this pain. If you need to sleep ~ sleep and if you need to cry ~ cry. Accept the feelings that surface. You are in what we call survival mode and this will last for as long as it lasts for you. In grief, there is no timetable. I lost my beloved Jim a little over six years ago after forty years of marriage and I still have those times that I can’t breathe. You will find your own way and believe me, much later you will focus on the wonderful memories that are buried right now.

This is a perfect place for you to share your thoughts because you will find many caring people who come here. No judgments only love and understanding.

Anne

[iPraiseHim]

3 hours ago, Rahn said:

My name is Ron and I just lost the love of my life for the last 25 years on July 5 2018. Breast cancer took her from me and our 4 kids. We spent more time together as a couple than we did apart. She was 45 when she died. We did everything together. I was holding her hand and our only daughter was holding her other hand when she died. That was the worst moment of my life. 

We did almost everything together. Now it hurts to do everything because it is without her. Eating hurts. I loved to cook because she loved my food. It hurts to try to sleep because i know i will wake up without her next to me. I don't know what to do with all this pain. How do you keep waking up everyday without your loved one.

Ron,

My Beloved wife of 25 years died unexpectedly, on February 16, 2015.  It also is the worse moment in my life. Enna's wisdom and many others here have helped me through the darkest time of my life. I called it "Shock and Awe".  You are welcome to read through my posts the last three years as I documented my journey through this grief. I had trouble sleeping, eating, and even breathing at times.  This wonderful group listened, shared, and cared.  The intensity of this pain will eventually diminish. It helped me to learn about this type of grief and various tools that help all of us travel this journey.  We, (the surviving soulmates) understand and relate in a way that most of the rest of the world just doesn't comprehend.  Your love for your beloved wife doesn't change.  Your expression of love for her is through this grief.

It is important to get more rest, eat as healthy as you can and be patient with yourself.  It is best to just take one moment at a time. Please share, read, and learn how you can travel this road of grief and healing.    Welcome - Shalom

[Rahn]

Thank you to everyone that replied to my post. It was helpful to hear.

[kayc]

Rahn,

I am so sorry for the loss of your wife and mother of your children.  Everything changed for me in an instant when my husband died, it was unexpected and he had just had his 51st birthday.  I still don't sleep in our bed and it's been 13 years.  When people say it gets "better" what they mean is the intense pain from the beginning lessens and we gradually begin to adjust to our new life, not that it's ever the same or what I would call "well".  Our grief doesn't have an expiration date but it evolves, little by little.  I'm glad you have your children, mine were grown.  

This is a good place to come to, it helps to know we are understood and our feelings are validated.  We all "get it" here.  

One day at a time is how I've had to live these last 13 years and will continue to live the rest of my life.  Sometimes like George (I praise Him) shared, we have to break it down into an hour or minute, a day even seems too much, especially in the early grief.