A&K Posted September 21, 2018 Author Report Share Posted September 21, 2018 I’m trying so very hard. This road is so raw and heavy. To grieve our children is very tough without my husband. I’m trying so hard. Therapy is tough. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted September 21, 2018 Report Share Posted September 21, 2018 I am sure you are, Katie. Very tough road! Gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted September 21, 2018 Report Share Posted September 21, 2018 I continue to pray for you Katie. I am so sorry that the pain is so intense and that you are feeling so broken. You are an inspiration to determination and love. Many hugs to you. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 21, 2018 Report Share Posted September 21, 2018 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 21, 2018 Report Share Posted September 21, 2018 Katie, Your road is indeed very rough, but you are doing it, day by day and your children will rise up and call you blessed. Sending you much love and prayers, Kay 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A&K Posted September 22, 2018 Author Report Share Posted September 22, 2018 Tomorrow is two months since my Allen suicided. I will never get the image out of my head. No matter how I try. I want to go back and have him talk to me so I knew his feelings and could’ve loved him through it. Mom having difficulty eating. I’ve lost weight. I try. I really do. I make certain my boys are ok and cared for either by myself or my parents or best friend. I am so numb again. Just feeling nothing. Like if I felt it all I will crumble to pieces. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 23, 2018 Report Share Posted September 23, 2018 I think it's common to lose weight in early grief...I did too, until I started doing the emotional eating and went the other way. It affects us in every way. I'm sure you will never forget the image, but with time it won't hold so much power over you, hopefully. I remember the last moment I saw George, his eyes were huge, he was in acute distress, he was having a heart attack and they were working on him...then they threw me out of the ward and locked the door behind me. I never saw him alive again. But I digress...have you talked to your therapist about doing EMDR or EFT? Anything that helps!http://blog.healthjourneys.com/update-from-belleruth/emotional-freedom-technique-eft-may-look-weird-but-if-it-gets-the-job-done-do-we-care.htmlhttp://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/03/using-emotional-freedom-techniques-eft.htmlhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-using-eye-movement.html I know you're a good mom, Katie, and have no doubt you'll continue to take wonderful care of your children. I'm glad you have such good support around you, the most important thing you can have! I'm sure the shock hasn't worn off yet, it's your body's way of protecting you so it ekes it out little by little. I don't know when it'll wear off, it's different for everyone and you've been through so much, it may take quite some time. Try not to worry about it, just get through today. You're doing well! And you have all of us behind you, rooting for you! How is Caleb? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A&K Posted September 23, 2018 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2018 1 hour ago, kayc said: ur therapist about doing EMDR o Yes my therapist brought up EMDR and we are going to start that soon. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kieron Posted September 23, 2018 Report Share Posted September 23, 2018 Yes, try EMDR. I can vouch for EFT some some extent. I have tried vibrational medicine as well, which for me helped a lot, although it's not everyone's cup of tea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted September 24, 2018 Report Share Posted September 24, 2018 Thinking of you Katie. 🙏 I hope you will find some therapy to help you with the image in your mind. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A&K Posted September 28, 2018 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2018 It’s been just over two months since Allen suicided. I miss him and ache for him so much. It’s difficult raising Caleb and Ryan. It’s difficult to even get out of bed and function. It’s so challenging to just do simple tasks like brushing my teeth or showering or eating. My world has been shattered. I do my best for the boys. But when it comes to me I’m lacking. The boys are my priority. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 29, 2018 Report Share Posted September 29, 2018 ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted September 29, 2018 Report Share Posted September 29, 2018 I cannot even.fathom what you are going through, Katie. Add on the pregnancy hormones and loss. I’m so glad you have the boys to give you purpose and something to fight for. So much to deal with in such a short time. My thoughts are with you. Those little self care tasks do become monumental. Do what you can but especially eat. It’s too easy to really get messed up more by neglecting that. 💔 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 29, 2018 Report Share Posted September 29, 2018 Katie, my dear ~ This just came to me via email. I share it here with you just in case you may be interested. If the timing doesn't feel right to you now, you might wish to save the information for later: Free 3-Week Series: Suicide Loss Support This FREE course is designed for anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide Remember With More Love Than Pain Get instant access Specifically tailored around the tragedy of death by suicide Weekly video workshops Secure access to the David Kessler Training site Available on your smartphone, tablet, or computer Powerful Healing exercises You can go back to each lesson again and again Discussion around the topics that rarely get talked about "Life Ends, But Love is Eternal" - David Kessler Week 1: The Moment that Changed Everything Losing a loved one to suicide alters the rest of your life. In this series, we'll begin to process the loss as well as your reaction to begin to let go of some of the pain that keeps you stuck in the trauma. Week 2: Your Reaction and Response When our loved one dies by suicide there are so many "what-ifs", questions and "if-onlys" on top of the grief. Together,we'll find ways to move beyond the confusion, anger, and guilt to make room for a legacy of love. Week 3: Remember with More Love Than Pain Creating a life after loss doesn't mean forgetting. Love never dies. In this series we will talk about ways to begin to find meaning as we move forward and consider life after loss. David Kessler David Kessler is one of the world’s foremost experts on healing and loss. Personally, David has faced some of life's most challenging losses and uses his experiences to live fully. He is the author of five bestselling books, including two bestsellers with the legendary Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. David’s work has been featured on CNN, NBC, Fox, PBS, Dr Oz and Oprah and Friends. https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/p/suicide-loss-support 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 29, 2018 Report Share Posted September 29, 2018 That looks like a good course, and of course, I've heard of David Kessler. Katie, your feelings are to be expected. You're doing good to take care of the boys. In time I hope you can learn to do the same for you. Right now, like you say, just showering and brushing your teeth is a feat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A&K Posted September 30, 2018 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 I really enjoyed the David Kessler course. Very validating and comforting. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 I think it is good that you tried the course. Comfort and validation are very important. 🙏❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A&K Posted October 2, 2018 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2018 I’m starting an inpatient program tomorrow as I’m just struggling without any retreat. I need the attention and respite. Probably at least a week. Just wanted to let you all know. Plz pray for me and for the boys as they will miss mommy. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 2, 2018 Report Share Posted October 2, 2018 Katie dear, 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted October 2, 2018 Report Share Posted October 2, 2018 My best wishes to you. My prayers are for you and your boys. Gin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted October 2, 2018 Report Share Posted October 2, 2018 Thinking of you, Katie. Hoping for much better times ahead for you and your boys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 3, 2018 Report Share Posted October 3, 2018 Keeping you in thought and prayers Katie. We are and will be with you during these very hard times. Anne 💜 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widow'15 Posted October 3, 2018 Report Share Posted October 3, 2018 Katie: You and your boys are in my prayers as you search for peace, guidance and strength. Dee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 3, 2018 Report Share Posted October 3, 2018 Katie, Praying for you and the boys...I hope you get much relief and help there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted October 3, 2018 Report Share Posted October 3, 2018 Dear Katie you and your boys are always in my heart. I'm proud of you. You are a smart lady to know you need the extra help. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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