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Oh Katie, not what any of you need!  I'm so sorry!  I get Strep really easy and have had it on Thanksgiving before, my son was hospitalized with it when he was a child, it's not fun.  Praying you're over it soon and the antibiotics kick in soon for all of you.  I know, it's times like these we really miss them...

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I hope you all will be feeling better soon.  I don't remember strep throat but i do remember ear aches.  Sorry for you all.

Each special occasion is difficult after a loss ❤️.  I am thinking you have too many family not at the table with you and my heart  knows your heart  is still really breaking.

I pray for you that you will accept God's love.

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19 hours ago, A&K said:

So we made it through thanksgiving but not unscathed.  Myself and both boys are sick.

This is a long bumpy road... 

Katie:  So very sorry for your family to be so ill.  It seems like more challenges are everywhere for you and your sweet ones.  Your Mom sounds so loving to be there with all of you.  Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Dee

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Thank you ALL here.

im shopping for Christmas for the boys and I’m super sad and triggered that I’m missing Allen doing this with me and missing Gracie Noah and the other babies that belong here.  Life isn’t fair.  I want to scream it on top of my lungs or punch something but I know I can’t rationally do this. My heart is broken so much.  Caleb has been talking about Noah a lot as he has the most memories with him.  And he misses his dad so much.  Our family is so broken.  😢💔

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Katie, Gin says it aptly...we are pulling for you.  Maybe you should buy a punching bag and install it in your garage?  I did that once years ago when I was going through a lot, it actually helped me get some of my feelings out.

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Hi Katie ❤️🙏. I wish I could help.  Please know you are in my heart and my prayers.

Frustration buster - A teacher friend told me that when she was up to her eyes in frustration or other feelings she would go to a second hand store or garage sale and buy dishes.  Particularly the large plates.  When she felt in the mood she would go out to her sidewalk and smash the dishes one item at a time, savouring the sounds, feelings, and sight.  When she felt better it was easy to clean up and she was good until the next time.  -   just a thought 😲

 

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Except it wouldn't take much to hurt a dog or cat's paw if she missed cleaning up a piece.  I took Arlie on a walk a couple days ago, and where a person parks their old car, a whole bunch of paint had come off, I mean a LOT of pieces all at once, she must have brushed it off after it snowed.  Arlie reached down before I could process what was happening and ATE some of the paint!  Mind you, he has acute chronic Colitis and I have to COOK for him and give him probiotics and Metamucil and he goes and does that!  No figuring animals sometimes...  :D

Seriously, Katie, you have a lot inside of you to process, and getting physical with an activity might help relieve some of what is inside...Marty, sounds like the voice of experience!  ;)

 

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I know screaming into a pillow didn't help.  Head hurt big time, so I quit.  Another "momism"  was she said you  couldn't cry over spilled milk.  Guess we will never get the milk back in the bottle, but you do spend a lot of time cleaning up the spill..  When it comes right down to it, nothing really helps.  I seldom remember dreams, one was so stupid I had to remember it, I had a job cutting clutch purses in three even pieces.  Never dream where Billy is in them till this morning and I am still angry even though it was not real, and I know it.  like I said, very seldom remember the dream.  Now, I will have to forget this one.  Sometimes we have too much put on us, sometimes not enough.  

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Hi.  I can’t believe it’s been more than six months now since my dear Allen took his life.  I’m still so very heartbroken 😞.  I’m numb still and hurting all at the same time.  I don’t know if being hurt and numb simultaneously is possible.  Caleb still aches for his dad.  And Ryan is just too young at 19 months.  I exist for my boys.  They are my sole reason for getting up everyday.  I will ache for Allen for my entire life.  My girlfriend asked me the other day if I saw myself ever dating again and I said absolutely not.  My heart and life belonged to Allen.  How could she ask me such a thing?  It still takes everything in me to function most days.  Again, I do it for the boys.  

I read here when I can.  I don’t have words to help anyone yet.  My heart is with everyone ❤️

Katie

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Katie,

I think about you often and wonder how you doing. My best friend asked me that same question a few after Richard passed. I said the same thing. I also thought why would she even ask me this? She meant well by it. She worries about me. Here I am, over 3 years later. I have found someone who is my best friend and can talk to about anything. He also lost his girlfriend of 20 years. So he gets it. It has been a struggle but we really do love each other. I know you may think that you will never be able to love anyone else but you never know. I also struggled in the beginning but my kids always made me keep going for them. You just keep going and take it day by day or minute by minute. It's hard, we all get that. We are all here for you. 

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Dear Katie, I'm sorry that you were asked that question. Unfortunately it is normal to be asked and it won't be the last time. I have been in that place too, and it hurts in both directions, in our hearts and hearing it from a dear friend. And with our hearts aching for our great pain we must also be wise to get that they mean well. It is too much, I know it. I can tell you that with time, with lots of time, you will feel stronger in the moment when you are asked, and your answer will come out from a place of strength and conviction, whatever your reply is.

But not now and that's ok and enough.

One minute at a time, for yourself and for your boys.

I can say that we all here are keeping all of you in our prayers.

Peace

Ana.

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Katie,

I pray your boys will be a blessing in your life.  Six months.  Time loses it's meaning when you are grieving.

I wish your friend hadn't asked you that.  I know she doesn't realize it, but it's inappropriate and insensitive.  This is hard and raw.  Praying for you dear friend, I'm sorry Caleb is hurting too.

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I got/get soooooooo tired when asked about finding someone else.  I don’t know what motivates that because I would never say such a thing to someone in grief.  If they brought it up, that’s different.  I’d support them either way.  If they asked if they should, I’d probably say I could not comment on it because of my own feelings and expected path.  People in grief just need to be heard, whatever it is.  They don’t need platitudes, suggestions, advice or what they have planned for the rest of thier life.  That’s for other things in life like careers and school.  That is why I treasure my counselors and this place.  There are no right and wrongs.  There is grief and helping each other by just understanding as only another griever can.

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12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 If they asked if they should, I’d probably say I could not comment on it because of my own feelings and expected path.

I usually respond with something like "You are the only one who can decide the right path for you.  I'm here to support you in that path."

For anyone to bring up dating/remarriage is totally inappropriate.  I was going along, happily married, thinking we'd spend our entire lives together, at LEAST grow old together, when all of a sudden through no fault of our own, he's ripped away from me.  A week later someone's asking me if I'm going to start dating?  Are they stupid?  I still felt married!  I'm in shock over everything and miss him more than anything in the world, what do they think?!

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No one asked that until about 2 years.  Then it kept coming up and that’s when I got angry.  Legally I’m not married, but in my heart I am.  I’m also still in love with him.   Kinda puts the kabash on noticing or caring about someone else.  I have nothing to give them. 

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My emotions are so raw.  I’m still numb but at the same time I ache so bad.  I’ve been tearing up just by stupid little things. I’m so stupid.  😞

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If hurting in the face of devastating loss is stupid, dear Katie, then you are in the company of lots of stupid people ~ including me ❤️

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On 2/17/2019 at 9:23 AM, A&K said:

I’ve been tearing up just by stupid little things. I’m so stupid.  😞

Katie:  You are not stupid.  You are missing your loved ones.

I just have to be in the grocery and pass the display of Spam and tears roll down my face.  My husband loved to eat Spam sandwiches.  I don't care if that is stupid, it reminds me of him and til this day I can still remember how it smelled when he opened a can.  I would tease him how awful I thought it smelled, and my heart smiles for a minute.

Take care of all.  Dee

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