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Diplomacy in Grief?

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As I write this, I'm attending a function with my father. The event is okay though a bit boring--but I guess every teen will agree business talk is not a good way to spend a summer night. :) I just have a problem with some ways guests are behaving. Some I have talked to are kind of romanticizing the grief brought about by Mom's death. Like Dad is some sort of tragic hero because his wife died and he's still grieving after all these years. Or that I'm a superhero for not being a brat and going to a good business college. I get comments about manning up or being compared to Ironman for taking care of my brother (that from an old lady). This might not sound off in writing; the way they say it and the looks do, though.  I understand that grieving has no time limit and it's different for every person.

One even said that Dad "should hire governesses, maybe he'll find a new wife with one of them, right? Haha" This completely confuses me. We're not aristocrats, we live in the 21st century and go to school like every kid on the planet. Who hires governesses anyway? I read that governesses were like nannies and teachers rolled into one. I am also taken aback that some think finding a wife after being a widower is easy as getting a new laptop when the old one goes out of commission. Or personal questions like "If your Dad remarries, are you okay with it?" Maybe the governess comment was a joke, but I find the comment off. As to remarriage, I'll talk to my father about it, in private.

I am doing my best to stay polite, smile and keep my thoughts to myself. I'm being excused for not saying much since this is my first function. Just in case this happens again in the future, how should I handle them without sounding like a stuck up snob?

Thank you.

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Honestly, Blue Captain, I think you handled it as well as possible.  You have already let us know how seemingly unapproachable your father can be, I doubt there's a comment that would have been deemed appropriate by him and his "friends" with regards to your feelings about this.  Sometimes we're better off leaving what we're thinking unsaid.  I am one of those people that just has to have my say, but it comes with consequences.  ;)  Weigh it carefully.

You might start by asking him how he feels rather than telling him how you feel...if he asks you how you feel, I would be honest.

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Unfortunately, Captain, people often just don't know what to say to a bereaved person, but they feel uncomfortable saying nothing at all ~ so to fill the awkward silence they say whatever comes to mind or whatever they think would make them feel better if they were in your shoes. If you're on the other end of an insensitive or inappropriate comment (such as whether you're okay with your dad getting married again), you can choose not to respond at all, or you can simply say "I don't know. I haven't thought about that."

11 hours ago, Blue Captain said:

I am doing my best to stay polite, smile and keep my thoughts to myself.

I don't think you can do any better than that! ❤️

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