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Dealing with the Ups & Downs


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Gwen:  If I find happiness, I'll write a book about it ok?  Don't feel I have that long on this earth, so it better happen soon.....I thought the other day I would gladly give my life for just 5 minutes with the actual real John again--hold him, feel him, smell him, bask in those twinkly blue eyes and quick smile.  I want to see him again so bad; it's like a rare torture.  You're right, I can never seem to find the right words to describe what I feel.  I thought when you said "nothing hurts more than my heart, which is healthy," that was a perfect description.....

 

Marg:  I also thought John was better looking at his age when he was sick than when he was young...what I realized later was that I was seeing his soul through his eyes and not the physical sickness of his body so much.....

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I have a couple of boards that rotted on my patio due to the water damage from the first two contractors that didn't get the roof right on it, 2 1/2 years I got water on it, ruined my barbecue and cupboard too.  Will have to have the boards replaced someday.  Always hard to find someone to do the work.

I already put a new roof on my house, this one is for my garage/shop/electrical & water tank storage room.  It's about 2/3 size of my house I think but the roof will be costly as I'm going for steel.

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I know what you mean Kay.  You should see the mess my place is with the bathroom reno.  Still using garden hose for showering lol.

I'm UP but not peaking.  It's crazy busy here right now and all is relatively good.  I'm learning to take on and learn about more of the things that Gord took care of.  The down will return but hopefully it's a while away and won't last long.

Take care everyone.

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On 8/1/2018 at 5:11 PM, Cookie said:

 That's why I know it will never happen again for me.  I don't think I have that many years left to build another rich relationship.....Cookie

I have that thought too. However, sorry to go all freaky on the group, but Cindi the Psychic said that Susan and I were instantly totally comfortable with each other because we had been together in previous lives. So maybe another I already know? Cindi also said Susan would send me another soulmate ...I know, I know. I didn't talk/think like this before 3/31/17

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Marita, 

Your place is beautiful.  But showering with a garden hose?  Brrr!  It's 59 inside of my house this morning.  I guess I shouldn't have left the windows open all night.  Fall air is starting to seep through.

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3 hours ago, kayc said:

Marita, 

Your place is beautiful.  But showering with a garden hose?  Brrr!  It's 59 inside of my house this morning.  I guess I shouldn't have left the windows open all night.  Fall air is starting to seep through.

Wow! 85 in my home last night.  A/C not working. Ceiling fan and cold showers (which I really dislike) help.  Fall is coming with cooler temps.   - Shalom

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23 hours ago, TomPB said:

I have that thought too. However, sorry to go all freaky on the group, but Cindi the Psychic said that Susan and I were instantly totally comfortable with each other because we had been together in previous lives. So maybe another I already know? Cindi also said Susan would send me another soulmate ...I know, I know. I didn't talk/think like this before 3/31/17

TomPB:  I think that's really nice.  I don't think it's freaky....who knows?  I'm totally open to talking to a psychic, just haven't found one yet.  That is a really comforting message....Cookie

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George, if it's any consolation, it's hot here in the daytime too, takes all evening just to get tolerable.  It's still in the 90s, but it's getting cool at night.  I've never had A/C, but I have five fans going.
 

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  • 1 year later...

Good afternoon all: 

For some reason I feel compelled to go back to my original post back in 2018 to post the sad news that I had to let my dear, sweet Maddie go on Saturday May 30, 2020.  She just celebrated her 13th birthday on May 25th.   The cancer we have been fighting since October 2018 won.  I wish I could have done more.

I chose to have a home euthanization so she would not be stressed.  Thank goodness my daughter was able to be here with me so I did not have to face this decision on my own.  Maddie's passing was calm and quiet as she laid on her bed in front of the window, where for almost eight years she has watched and guarded our home.   The veterinary doctor who came to my home was so perfect, so caring and helped make this task bearable. 

My heart is again, broken into a million little pieces.  Dee

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Dee, there are no words that will help.  I can only say I'm sorry, and I truly am.  My friend/cousin lost her companion of 15 years, Bandit, on June 1st.  She lost her husband last year.  And grief brings on more grief.  I am so sorry.  

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Dee, I'm so sorry to hear about sweet Maddie. I hope your daughter will be able to remain with you for a while.

Peace to you and take care.

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Oh Dee, I am just heartsick for you, I know how hard this must be for you as it was the hardest thing I've been through since George's death when I went through it with Arlie.  I wish there were a way to bring you comfort, but I know it takes much time to begin healing, we have to walk through the pain and shed many tears along the way.  (((hugs)))

I am so glad you had your daughter with you...I know I could not have done it without my son with me.

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Dee, there are no words to convey how deeply sorry I am you lost her.  Like everyone, I am glad you were not alone.  We see all this ugliness happening in the world and these pure, sweet beings that show us real love and caring are taken from us.  Please keep letting us know how you are doing.  We love you.  ❤️

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  • 2 months later...

Good Afternoon

Well for some unknown reason I find it necessary to return to my first post on The Grief Healing Forum to share some life changing news for myself.  Prior to the pandemic my family and I decided to go forward with plans to purchase an ADU (Accessory Dwelling Unit), or I call it Gramma's House, to be placed on my son's property.  Had the pandemic not created a shutdown in the building industry I would have been moved by now.  The county permitting office was closed during the lock down in Washington State.  Well, long story short, all has been permitted, my son has removed trees and site is ready for placement of a manufactured home.  My contractor tells me it could be 35 to 60 days and I will be in my new home.   I have been trying to downsize as much as my emotions will allow, but as I pull stuff out of drawers, closets, cupboards, etc., I get easily overwhelmed.  I need Marg's energy and drive to get me over this insurmountable task.  (If I recall, Marg has moved twice since losing Billy)?   My kids keep assuring me I can do this with their help. 

The weather so far has been agreeable and I hope the rains continue to stay away for a little longer.  Once I have moved what fits in my new home, I will focus on selling this house.  And, hopefully, before the real estate market comes to an halt. 

Since my Bob's passing I have known this time would come, and now that it has I am fighting the sadness that will come with leaving a home that we both loved and worked together to create as our own.  At my age, soon to be 79, I just can't manage the upkeep anymore.  The neighborhood has changed considerably these past five years with new neighbors that I haven't even met yet.  Another plus to this move, I will be able to spend more time with my grand kids.

Wish me luck.   Dee

 

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Dee, I'm so happy for you. I'm sure leaving what has been your home for a long time will create a certain sadness, but also a relief that you no longer have the upkeep.  It will be an adventure for sure. I'm so glad your son's property  is large enough to accommodate your new home. There are beautiful manufactured homes now, not like the mobile home I mostly grew up in. It's also great that you will be near family in your own place. Don't try to do it all once, just a little each day. You will see daylight before you know it.

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Dee, if you have been in your home "forever" then I can imagine you are leaving so many memories you do not want to leave.  There are times when I ride by these places we both knew that I wonder "why didn't we settle down to one house after retirement."  Well, to begin with, neither of us were homesteaders.  We tried it.  We built Billy's dream house he had always wanted, just like he wanted, right on the water of the lake he wanted to live on.  We had a big porch overlooking the lake (it would never flood us because we built up the hill from the water.  We had a big "T" shaped dock.  We never sat on that porch and we quit fishing.  Billy's folks had rented all their life and he could do minor things (like screw in lightbulbs), We had cleared off the two acres.  We cut trees, I mowed over a yellow jacket nest that flew up my pants.  I had to come out of my clothes to get rid of them.  Our oldest granddaughter was with us, Billy was knocking the yellow jackets off me with his cap, and Angel was screaming "Papaw's whipping Mamaw!"  Cleaning those two acres was an adventure.  We enjoyed that. (except for the yellow jackets). The dream was the house.  We had it.  We both felt held down by that house.  We bought an RV.  We moved it to the other side of the big city and separated for six weeks.  We had lived 17 years in one house, put in two A/C units, two new roofs, and actually felt in prison.  But, the kids were most important, keeping them in the same schools.  When they graduated we moved to a tiny outbuilding on the lake, a tiny house we had moved there.  We loved the idea we were "free."  We went through 3-4-5 RV's, cannot remember.  I only ever cried over one house.  The 1996 Holiday Rambler with pull-out we sold so we could move into a stix and brix house to help Scott get off drugs.  I cried when they pulled it away.  I went through "nomad withdrawal" for awhile.  Then settled down in the most beautiful place I had ever lived in.  Plumbing needed redone, it was something all the time.  We were putting it up for sale and going back RVing, but Billy left without me and I got rid of the house.  Will never live in a more beautiful house, more beautiful surroundings, safest place I ever lived, and I could not stand to be even on the road it was on.  I didn't put it on the market, I did not get any money out of it, (I really could have), but the people who adopted the house were in love with it and it deserved to be loved.  They had papers drawn up, lawyer signed off of, and it is theirs.  I do not miss it.  There were 10 (I think) houses on that circle drive and five husbands died while I lived there.  

I bought probably 15-16, maybe more, of those big plastic boxes that had tops on them.  There was some man came by and he was loading his truck with outside furniture, hose, etc.  I lost most all of Billy's fishing equipment and all of mine.  We had just bought a new rod and reel Billy had picked out for me.  I couldn't fish without him anyhow.  I never kept antiques or anything of real value and have not even looked in about 14 of those plastic boxes.  This irritates my granddaughter.  They make fun of my bedroom as I have boxes stacked in piles of three in some places, two in others.  I have the California king sized bed and with all the boxes around me I feel like I was in the RV again.  I feel totally safe.  I have not needed anything from any of the boxes and don't want to open the scar covered wounds.

You will make it just fine.  One of my widow friends on that old street, Billy left in October and his friend (our neighbor) Bob left on Christmas day after Billy.  She moved out of that huge house, gave it to her daughter and family, and moved the cutest little mobile home, sparkling white with a front porch, she moved it right next to her home, situated hanging over (built up from) a gully with big rocks in it.  No yard to keep.  Her name is Carolyn and I said "good for her."  A tornado has never touched that part of where we lived.  

This is long, we don't all have the same personalities.  Some of y'all are real homesteaders and might find it hard to leave.  I won't leave where I am now, except permanently.  For my granddaughter's sake, I hope she can start a life before then.  I hate to leave things unfinished.  I wish you the best Dee.  I hope it is a smooth transition.  I just did it without thinking.  Widows sometimes try not to think when the loss is so new.  I'm glad I couldn't think or reason.  I'm as okay as I ever will be.  

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1 hour ago, widow'15 said:

Well for some unknown reason I find it necessary to return to my first post on The Grief Healing Forum to share some life changing news for myself

Dee, I've never tried to find my first post.  It was three days after Billy left and I had been for sure suicidal, and I can't read that again.  I don't know how I found this forum, but maybe I had a little help.  

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Wow Dee.  What a big change.  I understand how hard a house is to keep up but I don’t know how I’d move with no family to be with or to help.  I keep finding ways to adapt in hopes it never comes to that.  I can envision what I’d take, but all that would be left behind I have no idea what to do with.  No one to take care of that.  And what if I wanted something and it was gone?  But that is my fear talking.

 I’m happy for you as you sound like you are ready for this and it will be good for you.  Sometimes the memories here are too much and you don’t need to box those up wherever you go.  They come with you.  Best of luck in the change.  I’m glad you have some breathing room to prepare.  There’s a lot to be said being freed from the maintenance.  And being close to your son and grandkids.  

I salute you, madam.  🌹🌹🌹

 

 

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I had my income tax money last move.  I hired it moved with a mover.  It was just less than a mile away, all of it downstairs.  They moved all my boxes and stacked them just like I wanted, all my furniture (two huge recliners too) and it was all done within an hour or less.  Easiest move ever.  My daughter is the queen of packers so she did all the packing and even nailed up things on the wall.  Still don't know what is in the boxes.  I get curious sometimes, but I like the cocoon they provide my bed.  Of course, I did have that one fall between them.  I had upset stomach and fever, not being careful.  Kind of glad they were there.  

Lost another lifelong friend Wednesday.  They had been married 57 years.  Small town, all his life, three children and seven grandchildren, all living in close proximity.  A really good person.  I feel so sorry for his wife and family.  Like Hettie told me, "we are getting at the age we are going to lose friends."  Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to live at the top of a mountain in Norway and know no one.  "Into every life a little rain must fall" but I'm tired of floods and COVID.

I wonder if they are working on a good medicine for agoraphobia. 

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4 hours ago, Marg M said:

I bought probably 15-16, maybe more, of those big plastic boxes that had tops on them.  There was some man came by and he was loading his truck with outside furniture, hose, etc.  I lost most all of Billy's fishing equipment and all of mine.  We had just bought a new rod and reel Billy had picked out for me.  I couldn't fish without him anyhow.  I never kept antiques or anything of real value and have not even looked in about 14 of those plastic boxes.  This irritates my granddaughter.  They make fun of my bedroom as I have boxes stacked in piles of three in some places, two in others.  I have the California king sized bed and with all the boxes around me I feel like I was in the RV again. 

You will make it just fine. 

Marg:  I plan to pack some big plastic boxes too, but maybe not 15 or so since my new home will be very small, which is a plus.  I am tired of cleaning, or pretending to clean, unused floor space, not to mention 3 bathrooms.   Bob and I lived in this house for 23 years and even though I began to encourage him towards a move prior to his cancer he was not ready to move from a convenient boat launch just 5 minutes away from our house.  Your lake place sounded wonderful for you and Billy.   I often hinted at living the RV life as you and Billy enjoyed, but being away from the Northwest's hunting, fishing, clamming, crabbing etc., was not very appealing to Bob.  I appreciate your encouragement.  Dee

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1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m happy for you as you sound like you are ready for this and it will be good for you.  Sometimes the memories here are too much and you don’t need to box those up wherever you go.  They come with you.  Best of luck in the change.  I’m glad you have some breathing room to prepare.  There’s a lot to be said being freed from the maintenance.  And being close to your son and grandkids.  

I salute you, madam.  🌹🌹🌹

 

Gwen:  Thank you for your encouraging words.  Yes, all memories of Bob and Maddie will go with me.  I had planned to take Maddie with me, but that had to change.  My son has two dogs so I look forward to spending time with them in hopes of easing some of my need to pet a fur baby.  Freedom from maintenance will definitely be a plus.  After spending two 1 hour stints in my yard yesterday, I am totally exhausted today.  Just don't recover as quickly as I used to.  It's time to make this change.  Thanks again.  Dee

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6 hours ago, KarenK said:

Dee, I'm so happy for you. I'm sure leaving what has been your home for a long time will create a certain sadness, but also a relief that you no longer have the upkeep.  It will be an adventure for sure. I'm so glad your son's property  is large enough to accommodate your new home. There are beautiful manufactured homes now, not like the mobile home I mostly grew up in. It's also great that you will be near family in your own place. Don't try to do it all once, just a little each day. You will see daylight before you know it.

Thank you KarenK, I appreciate your response to my announcement of my "adventure".  That is a good definition of what's ahead of me.  My new place will be small with only 1 bedroom as that is a requirement of an ADU.  I will be downsizing big time.  Living alone I find little use for so much stuff that has been accumulated during Bob and my 50+ marriage.  Each time my kids come I urge them to bring something home with them.  LOL   Thanks again.  Dee 

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