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Is my grief hurting my daughter?


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First please allow me to say this. Happy anniversary Wanda. Today would be our 22nd wedding anniversary. 25 years since we started dating. I am saying this here because i have no were else to say it. 

I am sure sleep will not come to me tonight. Today promises to be a hard day to live through for me.

Now to my issue. My 21 year old daughter lives with me and her 20 month old daughter. She just finalized her divorce from her cheating husband last week. It has been less than one month since Wanda died and i am still having the worst time dealing with it. My daughter and her mom were best of friends. They did everything together. She is sad and cries sometimes but all things considered is handling this so much better than me. I feel guilty because i feel like i am making this so much harder on her by being depressed and crying all the time. I wish i was stronger and better at this but i am not. Not only am i grieving but i feel terrible about doing it in front of her. I can't control it and i am bringing her down even when she is having a not so bad day. Help.

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I think the best way you can support your daughter in her grief is for you to take care of your own grief first. Since each of you is mourning this loss, it can be very difficult to "be there" for each other in a supportive way. You don't say what, if any, outside support you've received since the death of your beloved, Rahn. If Wanda was on a hospice service, you are entitled to bereavement services for up to 13 months at no cost. That may include individual, face-to-face counseling as well as grief support groups, and I encourage you to look into those services. See Finding Grief Support That Is Right for You

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Marty pretty much took the words right out of my mouth as I was reading this, my thought was to find somewhere you can grieve or talk about it, a grief counselor, a grief support group, both can be very helpful.

Your daughter is grieving the same person but for her its a different relationship that what you've lost, so your grief will look different than hers.  In time you will both be able to talk about your memories in a good way, right now it may bring pain, that evolves in time as we begin to process our grief.

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