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I went to visit my sister Peggy yesterday, she has been moved to a rehab center and could be there 3-6 months or even a year!  They had not prepared her for that or if they did mention it, she forgot.  Her dementia has greatly worsened since this fall and subsequent surgery!  I learned yesterday that her heart is not doing well and her blood pressure is out of control.  Not surprising, she's not only been through a lot of trauma, but has not kept her regular medicines down since throwing up the last three months due to the pain medications...she wasn't letting the doctors (or me) know that.  I knew she was at first, but she told me she wasn't anymore...not true.  Her story vacillates continually so it's had to get a straight story from her.  She already had COPD, now she is on oxygen 24/7.  She's very weak.  They had her sitting up 1 1/2 hours and she said she was in excruciating pain the whole time, she felt she couldn't take any more.

Yesterday I learned she is on suicide watch.  She told her doctor she is feeling suicidal.  He told her he is required to report it and will have to tell her husband, so she had a talk with him and me.  Her husband is a gruff sort of person that my family doesn't like because he's so obnoxious.  I know him better than the rest of them do, and love him, he has a good heart buried somewhere in the center of him, I've seen it.  When my dog Lucky was attacked by another dog, and her innards were hanging out, it was Bert that came up and got us, and gently put her in his van, and I rode in the back with her, and drove 60 miles to the ER where she had surgery.  When I was married to my kids' dad and my car broke down (valve problems) an hour away, my husband wouldn't come get me and the kids, but Bert did.  When I had surgery and was back at home and needed stool softener, it was Bert that got some and brought it to me.  When we had a cat that had been attacked and had lost most of it's blood, again, it was Bert that put her down to spare us having to...she never would have made it to the vet over an hour away and we didn't want her to suffer any more.

But I've also seen Bert's other side...more often than not, yelling (he only recently got hearing aids and I've noticed he isn't so loud now), brusque, and often driving people away.  So his response to Peggy made me cry...he told her he understood (her feeling suicidal) and said it's her pain talking.  He said, "We're going to get through this, together."  He's drove the hour down and hour back to see her every day since the surgery, closing his store.

I told Peggy yesterday that I'd already decided if anything happens to her, Bert has a new cribbage partner.  I told her I worry what would happen to him if something happened to her.  I reminded her he doesn't even like to go to BiMart (an hour away) without her!  She said she knew that was true, and she cried, she said I was the only one who had shown any concern for him.  This is what brothers and sisters are for.  We're family.  We have to get through this somehow.

I haven't told the rest of my family about her suicidal feelings.  Polly is way too anxious, Mick is distant, Julie not as close to her.  The rest, I figure if they can't even visit her, they wouldn't be overly affected anyway.  Her friends...they're unaware, if she wants to tell them, she can, right now it can stay with me and Bert.  I figure anyone on this forum doesn't know her name anyway so I feel okay sharing with you guys, my other extended family.

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I'm so sorry, Kay. Your sister Peggy is blessed to have you in her life. You're both in our thoughts and prayers. ❤️

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Oh, Kay, I am so sorry that Peggy is going through such a difficult time. I know how close you are to your siblings. You have such a kind heart. I keep you in my prayers and hope for Peggy's recovery. Sending hugs. 

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Now they're requiring that Peggy hire a "livery" as she called it, someone who is a driver for disabled and wheelchair equipped, she doesn't even own a wheelchair yet, she's using one at the facility, to go to the doctor on the 16th, we don't even know where to call!  They also require her house be renovated.  They don't have money to pay for all of this, they will have to make payments on the hospital, rehab, etc.  Bert's business has been closed down most of the month but the expenses continue.  They're feeling overwhelmed.  They make too much money for help and not enough to take care of all of this!  

Not exactly what she needs to know or hear right now.  They put her on suicide watch and then stress her out further?!  That's a big help.  It seems they've done a horrid job of communicating with her about what to expect and where to go for help.  They just keep adding on requirements.  I totally get her wanting to die.  Right now her life is hell.  They are spending about eight hours a day doing PT with her, all of which is in excruciating pain.  She's so tired and sore.  I can only hope that means she'll sleep.  I never wanted any of this for her.  It kind of reminds me of what Polly is going through with Nicole.  Very hard.

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If there is, I don't know who it would be.  Communication throughout this whole ordeal has been horrendous.  The doctors did nothing to prepare her what to expect.  I imagine her husband is overwhelmed, he's never cleaned, cooked, done laundry, paid bills, made phone calls, etc. until now.  She handled all of that but now she's unable to.  

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Kay,

They would probably let her use the wheelchair from the rehab. For Nicole, the rehab at the hospital ordered hers and the one handed walker and had it there before she went home. Yes, Nicole was in excruciating pain with pt in the beginning. It would make me nauseous to watch it. They also had a list of other things that she needed to have before she came home. The biggest thing was a ramp to get her in and out of the house. Thankfully my son-in-law took care of that for me. Financially, I have no clue what to say. I'm kind of in the same situation as far as that goes. 

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Peggy did sound better last night.  They earn too much $ for help but not enough to take care of all of these extra expenses.  He hasn't had his store open all month as he's been driving the hour trip in to be with her during the day and hour back at night.  It's a good thing because she needs the support and the set of ears and remembering brain, her's has been gone lately, but I told her last night it sounds like some clarity is returning.  They put a pain patch on her to help with the pain so today should go better.  They gave her a list of places to call to arrange for transportation to the doctor, who knows what that'll cost.  It'll make a taxicab look cheap, I'm sure!

Peggy has had zero exercise all her life so eight hours a day of this grueling taxing rigorous therapy is exhausting and she's sore from the workouts, but it's her ticket back home so she's giving it her best.  A lot from an out of shape broken 74 year old!  Hell, it'd be taxing on ME and I'm active!

Nicole had so many breaks, I can't imagine.  Every part of her must hurt.  I pray for you guys every day.  This time can't pass soon enough to get through to the other side of this!

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