kayc Posted August 24, 2019 Report Share Posted August 24, 2019 Gwen, I was just telling about my day, not making comparisons. Besides, I know it's harder for you to get out than me. Jackie, I'm sorry, that sounds really rough. We have what they call meals on wheels here, purpose is not just delivering food, but even more importantly, having contact with someone. Of course it was canceled too with the electrical outage. We also have "senior companions" and that helps. I don't know if the UK has anything like that. It sounds terrible to be stuck with a disability and no mode of transportation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie - Richard Posted August 24, 2019 Report Share Posted August 24, 2019 Edited 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie - Richard Posted August 24, 2019 Report Share Posted August 24, 2019 It is our last of the year UK's Bank Holiday weekend and our weather is dry, sunny, and very pleasant yet i as usual am sitting indoors...I keep reflecting on what we would have been doing several years back when we was back home, well we would have gone to a Stately Home, a Mansion House, National Trust, maybe taking a walk around their vast garden taking in the statues or walking round their water gardens, or maybe a tented craft show, or outdoors garden show, furniture-plants, it would often get packed, well this has now come to its end...this was what once we both enjoyed..not forgetting before my PP-MS materialised... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widow'15 Posted August 24, 2019 Report Share Posted August 24, 2019 Gwen and Jackie: Don't understand why I feel like the whole world is changing so quickly all around me. Maybe it was always changing and I just wasn't paying attention. Besides the influx of people moving to the Pacific Northwest has created much too much traffic, trees being cut down to build houses for these newcomers to move into, and the tech world is so out of reach of my understanding with all the "smart phones, tvs, doorbells that video people as they ring your doorbell, etc., etc. The business world is constantly upgrading to the point that I am feeling like yelling at the top of voice, "Stop World, I Want to Get Off". No sooner do I get my banking arranged there is another change of passwords, new screens and new process to access an account. There is always more I can't begin to keep up with nor do I want to. Would love to go back to the fifties, yes I lived way back then, and enjoy life at that pace. Of course, that won't happen, anymore than having my life back with a loving husband that made me laugh and always made me feel safe and secure. The neighborhood is changing quickly here, too. While my brain can still function, I know I need to be getting myself moved to a more manageable home closer to my son. I can't expect him to feel he has to maintain this house as well as his busy life. Jackie, your plan to move does not sound easy at all. My heart aches for you and am keeping you in my thoughts. Excuse my complaining here today, I was just feeling really down on this beautiful sunny day. Can tell September is close by. Was always a favorite time for us. Dee 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 Dee, I'm with you on the technology. I use my computer for banking, reading the news, online shopping and conversing on this forum. I don't do Facebook. I don't have a cell phone, much less a Smartphone. I have no one to call anymore and am never far enough away from home to need one. Kind of a sad existence, I guess, but it is what it is. All of our lives have changed in so many ways. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 Cellphones don't even work at my house! Here we have slow speed internet and I can't have Windows 10 because it's updates hog my monthly data allowance. And Microsoft doesn't get it...they don't understand that there are places in the world where we can't use their overkill and we need less not more. I don't trust smart t.v.s, don't understand how to work surveillance, and wouldn't know what to do with a brand new car. I can barely get photos off my camera and onto my computer. And I'm glad I retired when I did, I, too, want to stop the world and get off! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted August 25, 2019 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 Gawd, there are a lot of leapers,. I’d join in that too. I hate being forced into tech changes. Being told I have to change my password to better protect me. Rearranging my computer for the updates. I’m the kind that likes the same password everywhere to be simple. I have a sheet of a paper for all my sites for user names and passwords. I particularly hate MS as they will only let you delay updates for a few weeks and do them anyway. My iPad is Mac and they don’t do that. Anyway, more is not always better. I have a flip phone just for safety’s sake. No use for a smart phone. Being on my own I have no one to call or text. I email at home, not when I’m out. I carry an old little Nintendo for games in places I have to wait. I do like how I can do finances on line. Order hard to find things or heavy ones to be delivered. What I don’t like is feeling the technology is ruling me rather than the other way around. Got up the other day and my computer had been upgraded by MS so I had to learn once again where to find where they moved things. Not how I want to start my crappy days. I figure if this got to Steve who was a super geek, I’m not crazy I lose it when I have to deal with it. Dee, their doing the same in Seattle. Finding ways to cram in more people and vehicles and cutting down beautiful areas to do so. It’s heartbreaking. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widow'15 Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 5 hours ago, KarenK said: Dee, I'm with you on the technology. I use my computer for banking, reading the news, online shopping and conversing on this forum. I don't do Facebook. I don't have a cell phone, much less a Smartphone. I have no one to call anymore and am never far enough away from home to need one. Kind of a sad existence, I guess, but it is what it is. All of our lives have changed in so many ways. KarenK: I finally got a Smartphone and replaced my little flip phone after my vision starting going downhill. I found it easier to read the few emails and texts I receive. I really don't use it very often except the alarm works like a charm to let me know it's time for my pills and my Maddie's medication. I do take it with me when I am out and about for emergency purposes. Have no idea how to use all the other bells and whistles that's on it. I use my laptop for majority of my reading and emails. And of course, I still have my landline and an old fashioned answer machine to screen those annoying robo calls, and have no plan to give it up. My husband, bless his heart, hated computers but would use the flip phone for his calls from his fishing buddies. Dee 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie - Richard Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 Dee, Karen, Kayc, Gwen... ...oh how i am all in agreement with you re, technology, why cant things just be simple like they used to be, I too am from the 50's...and i am not into all these gadgets, nor use my mobile...nor do i do facebook...and dont even mention landline phone menus..why cant we just get a live voice on the other end...it was done that way once.. Well it is our UK Bank Holiday when most families are out and about and have lives, well i am not one of them...yes i am alive ( my Richard is not ) but i am certainly not living...surviving yes, but definitely not living... Jackie.. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 We're about to have labor day in a week and I'll spend it doing the church's bookkeeping, ugh. Not having Arlie to come home to has made a huge difference in my life. I feel I have nothing to look forward to anymore. Jackie, I don;t even know what a landline phone menu is! Gwen, I agree on MS. With Windows 10 home version you don't have the choice when to update. I found a way but they caught on after a year and did a work around so then I had Windows 7 put back on, now they're going to quit covering it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie - Richard Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 Kayc... ...you mean you dont have them in America or Canada, only us in UK...well when one rings a business number you have to listen to their automated message of press number one if you want to speak to us about " subject " press number two if you want to speak to us about " subject " press button number three if you want to speak to us about " subject " then when one has pressed the number button that we want to talk to them about, another pre-recorded lengthy message often comes up, same as before, press number one, press number two, press number three, or if you want to speak to us about anything else, press number five, some menus carry on and on, trying o speak to a live voice has now joined our dinosaurs, become extinct....Oh and of course h*v*n help us if we press the wrong button, it will take us back to the beginning and we start all over again, of course we dont always know which department we need to be talking to in the first place...and to make matters worse, not all these numbers are free-phone so clocking up our telephone bills... Jackie.. ... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 2 hours ago, Jackie - Richard said: it will take us back to the beginning and we start all over again, That is one thing that bothers me, starting all over again after you have done everything they say and obviously you don't know what "department" you are to go to and they tell you "goodbye" and your connection is lost. Then you start all over, if it is that big of an issue and if not, just hang up and forget it. My granddaughter keeps telling me "they can't hear you" when I yell at a robot that tells you "you can tell me your problem, I will help you." I heard my sister have to give her home phone number four times because they could not understand her. They would repeat an off the wall number she had not said. She is an English teacher and her pronunciation of words and numbers is spot on. But, remember, computer "voice recognition" took over my medical transcriptionist job. And, I have to tell this again and again because it is so typical of what computer robots "hear." Doctor says "parentheses" and computer robot types out "bull flatus." Why didn't I just leave it. Why did I clean up the bull crap? After 43 years it was time to retire. No, I edited it because I was no longer a transcriptionist, I was an editor. Well at least the world throws these irritations at us, anger helps sometimes and of course is part of grief. I repeated something to my sister that aggravated me about Billy, and she said, "don't go making yourself angry now, it is all in the past." Yep, it is, but sometimes anger does help a tiny bit. A double rainbow appeared yesterday coming out of Walmart, to the east. The bottom one was such beautiful colors. Then the gray clouds and rain deluge took the rainbow away and something about nature I had never seen before. The bottom rainbow came down and the vapor dissolved in front of and beside my car while I was waiting to turn. That kept the vibrant color and width until it hit the ground. It was like magic. I looked to the Heavens and I said "you did that just for me, didn't you Billy." (No pot of gold though). 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie - Richard Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 Marg... ...lovely story about your miracle visit rainbow... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted August 25, 2019 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 Oh, I hate the phone menus! It can take firever to get to a human being. Sometimes I get so frustrated I’ll select a different area to get me to a person and have them transfer me. I can tolerate it if it’s just one quick menu and customer service is an option. What I REALLY hate is when they want you to punch in numbers like birthdate or account and the rep will ask for the same thing. Getting cut off makes me want to throw the phone across the room. The thing that saves my little slice of sanity is I wear a headset for those waits on hold and to save my neck. Don’t have a speakerphone. So I can wander about doing other things. At least this aggravation is free here, Jackie. When I call my vet or dentist a person answers. I’m often so surprised I forget what to say! 🙂 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 Jackie, Oh yes, we have them! I just hadn't heard them referred to as that. Some of them go on and on. Gone are the days you get a live person! I sound like a crazed person before I get one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 25, 2019 Report Share Posted August 25, 2019 Marg, I love your story about the rainbows. When George died it was amidst a terrible thunder/lightening storm with a triple rainbow! He would have got a kick out of that, figured he really upset heaven or something! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted August 26, 2019 Report Share Posted August 26, 2019 I could not believe it. I have never seen this happen, or even hear of it. All of a sudden all strips of color dissolved into the pavement, but it was a wide strip of all the colors. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widow'15 Posted August 27, 2019 Report Share Posted August 27, 2019 On 8/25/2019 at 5:34 PM, Marg M said: I could not believe it. I have never seen this happen, or even hear of it. All of a sudden all strips of color dissolved into the pavement, but it was a wide strip of all the colors. Marg, I have never heard of such a thing either. Would love to have seen such an amazing sight. You were truly blessed. Dee 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted September 16, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2019 I found a black feather by my back door. I looked up the mystical meaning and it is a good thing. Protection from angels and repel negative energy. Years ago I got one right on my side door mat. Maybe it means I’ll catch some breaks as this last few days have been again more medical craziness that have me wanting to scream my head off. Had to go to the ER again for crushing chest pain. Ruled out a heart attack, but blood was high for bleeding somewhere. Doc cleared me tho and released me. After volunteering Saturday I noticed one of my calfs was more swollen and red. Had a deep pain so thought it could be a DVT. Was told to go to the ER again but when I got there there were 4 people ahead of me and only 1 discharge coming up for a room. I went to an urgent care to have it assessed and they said ultrasound is the best. Wasn’t going to go back to the ER tho, it was already 5pm. Found out I can have my PCP call in the test so will do that. To have my insurance cover this I had to go to a clinic in a part of town that is very confusing to navigate. Got terribly lost. Google sent me crap directions as getting out I took a way I was somewhat familiar with. The doc I saw had just lost his wife 6 months ago. When I said I was a widow for over 4 years he got very dismayed as he hoped it got better. All I could tell him was we adapt. He said their adult children were having a hard time too and I pointed out their loss was different than his. He said he couldn’t even look at her picture. All normal I said. He seemed very appreciative of talking about it so maybe I was meant to go thru that to help him, I don’t know. I’m glad I could but I still don’t know what is wrong with my leg. I’m so sick of more tests and while I do want out of this existence, that would be a very painful way to go. My apologies for posting more morbid stuff. I don’t exactly remember now what I was going to write except to say I so miss Steve and truly wonder if I would be so medically messed up if I didn’t have to live in this cruel loneliness. I’m kinda obsessed thinking about him right now. I got an email from his best buddy about Steve’s van again asking why I keep it instead of donating it to someplace that could really use it. I told him years ago this was an off limit topic as he didn’t understand the ways grief affects people. He asked also it was 'just' nostalgia. I’m writing him a short response to it saying it’s Steve’s van. It has memories that are mine. A resident I adore at Foss said what business is it of his and why does he care? Gonna use that too. I don’t question the many things this guy does I don’t understand in judgement, maybe a curiosity if I don’t understand why he does something and then complains. I’ve never said that about the van. I see Steve so happy packing his gear for gigs. Such joy to do what he loved. I’ve lost so much without him, I do cling to what I can. Marg.....you did well teaching me about word salads! 😁 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted September 16, 2019 Report Share Posted September 16, 2019 💗💗💗 Gwen, just finished talking to my sister. Spent night before last in the ER with her. Accidentally sent note on messenger to my sister that was meant for my daughter. I said she was scared and needed put on oxygen. I will make sure she is sitting at her doctor's office when it opens in the morning. She cannot walk more than five steps without losing her breath and coughing. I told her tonight (since she would not go back to ER) to call 911 and they could get oxygen to her faster than I can come get her. (At night I would kill us both) even though she lives less than a mile from me. Sorry you are going through this. Yes, you were put there to help that doctor. Now, "ain't" that just something, being able to offer comfort to a doctor. You take care. I wish I could eat a real salad, I have not had a tomato or piece of lettuce (loved butter lettuce) since 2014. Tonight I wanted peanuts so bad, and I can have peanut butter. Keep us up to date, you are on my heart. I think we had someone on here who did not like people using the word "ain't" and all I can say is I am really kind of "rednecky" southern, I can use proper English, but I would still "sop my biscuit in surp." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widow'15 Posted September 16, 2019 Report Share Posted September 16, 2019 48 minutes ago, Gwenivere said: Had to go to the ER again for crushing chest pain. Ruled out a heart attack, but blood was high for bleeding somewhere. Doc cleared me tho and released me. After volunteering Saturday I noticed one of my calfs was more swollen and red. Had a deep pain so thought it could be a DVT. Was told to go to the ER again but when I got there there were 4 people ahead of me and only 1 discharge coming up for a room. I went to an urgent care to have it assessed and they said ultrasound is the best. I still don’t know what is wrong with my leg. I’m so sick of more tests and while I do want out of this existence, that would be a very painful way to go. I’m kinda obsessed thinking about him right now. I got an email from his best buddy about Steve’s van again asking why I keep it instead of donating it to someplace that could really use it. I told him years ago this was an off limit topic as he didn’t understand the ways grief affects people. He asked also it was 'just' nostalgia. I’m writing him a short response to it saying it’s Steve’s van. It has memories that are mine. A resident I adore at Foss said what business is it of his and why does he care? Gonna use that too. I see Steve so happy packing his gear for gigs. Such joy to do what he loved. I’ve lost so much without him, I do cling to what I can. Gwen: Hope you can get an answer on your leg and really soon. Don't worry about sharing morbid news. Sometimes that is about all that is happening to us anymore. Your "friend" that is urging you to donate Steve's van: I agree with your resident friend's advice, "it is not his business". Can't understand why some people know so well what we should do with our lives when they know nothing of what is in our heart. Keeping you in my thoughts. Dee 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted September 16, 2019 Report Share Posted September 16, 2019 Gwen, You keep the van for the same reason that I keep the almost 50 year old small souvenir bottle of chablis(plastic glass attached) stamped, Harbour Excursions San Diego. So, it takes up and small space in the fridge. So what! I'm sure there are many small unimportant things around here associated with Ron. The point is, they matter to me. They represent a time of happiness in our lives before we were faced with all the sorrow. I'll never drink that wine, of course. It will stay right there until I decide it's time to let it go. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted September 16, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2019 Funny you should mention wine, Karen. There’s is a bottle of Chardonnay in my fridge Steve opened over 4 years ago. I’m sure it’s over fermented, but it will stay there probably forever next to my Cabernet. (Like my wine cold). I think there are things that don’t ever need to go. There’s a bittersweet comfort seeing a part of them still in this life. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted September 16, 2019 Report Share Posted September 16, 2019 Really, no one, not family, not close friend what we keep, what we let go, what music we can hear, what pictures we can look at, ones we cannot. No one knows the special knife to the heart incident we face if we do things we do not want to do. My pillow stuffed with Billy's everyday wear that I sleep on each night. His clothes mixed up with mine. The pain I feel of heading anywhere west of the Louisiana line. Some people do not understand, but it is not for them to understand. If you hurt no one else, we keep what we want to, and we keep in our heart the rest. Talking to Billy, yes, it has become less, but I never go out at night without saying "Hi Billy, I miss you so much" to the stars, to the clouds. My business. Your business is your own, should not have to be explained to..............anyone. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 16, 2019 Report Share Posted September 16, 2019 12 hours ago, Gwenivere said: I’m writing him a short response to it saying it’s Steve’s van. It has memories that are mine. A resident I adore at Foss said what business is it of his and why does he care? Gonna use that too. I'd say, "It's Steve's van, what does it matter to him?" Honestly, I'd be at the angry point by now, you've already had this conversation, it should be end of story! Grr! I'm sorry you're going through that. How sweet of you, helping the doctor. I do believe we learn from what we go through so that we can help/comfort others going through it. I'm sorry about your leg though, no one wants to spend their Sunday going to ER or Urgent Care, ugh. I hope you get some answers for the DVT. I'm still dealing with the bee stings but the Prednisone is out so hope it continues getting better. 12 hours ago, Gwenivere said: I’ve lost so much without him, I do cling to what I can. That's good to tell him too. He can't understand what he hasn't gone through himself. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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