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Grief removes all guard rails


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12 hours ago, Marg M said:

I think we had someone on here who did not like people using the word "ain't" and all I can say is I am really kind of "rednecky" southern, I can use proper English, but I would still "sop my biscuit in surp."  

That doesn't bother me at all, it has to do with what part of the country you're from, my favorite friend is from TX and sometimes I had a hard time understanding her drawl, it was so thick, but it was cute too, she is a doll.  What DOES get to me (you see it a lot on FB) are people saying there instead of their or your instead of you're, we learned the difference in 1st grade!  But I try to restrain myself and keep my mouth shut, it wouldn't change anything anyway.  Just a pet peeve.  I'm sure I've garbled grammar.

I'm sorry you're going through this with your sister, I hope she finds some relief soon.  My sister has a bad cold (and COPD) and smokes like a chimney, I can hear her wheezing through the phone, I wish she could not smoke while she has her cold at least but I know it doesn't work like that.  And I get it, it calms her.  Sometimes I wish I had such a vice to calm me but I wouldn't like the smoke in my lungs.  Not with my allergies and Asthma!

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I thought it interesting to find this in the newspaper today, since I had had to look up DVT, maybe someone else had to as well?  It certainly explained it well, to me anyway!


DEAR DR. ROACH: I am a 47-year-old woman. Five years ago, I developed a blood clot in my left leg after fracturing my ankle and being immobilized for several months. I was put on a blood thinner, and my ankle healed. Recently that leg started swelling again, and I went for an ultrasound. I was told that I have a chronic DVT, but that I don’t need blood thinners. Why do I not need a blood thinner now when I did before? What does “chronic” mean? Why am I getting swelling again five years after the first clot? — L.S.B. DEAR L.S.B.: Blood clots can happen in veins or arteries, but the type that happen due to surgery and immobilization are almost always in the vein. That’s the “V” in “DVT,” which stands for “deep vein thrombosis.” A brand-new blood clot has a high risk of propagating further up the vein, and also of breaking off and traveling through the vein into the heart. Most often, the clot will go on into the lungs, then called a “pulmonary embolus.” Because of the risk of life-threatening complications, acute DVTs are treated with anticoagulants, such as warfarin (Coumadin) or apixaban (Eliquis). Most people are treated for at least three months for maximum benefit. Treatment does not dissolve the clot, and a follow-up ultrasound will detail changes that show the clot is no longer acute, hence “chronic.” The vein itself is scarred and damaged, and never returns to normal. Effective treatment for swelling associated with previous DVT includes salt restriction, compression stockings and leg elevation several times during the day. People with more severe symptoms that do not respond to conservative management may benefit from more aggressive therapies, such as placement of a metal stent to let the blood flow better through the damaged area.

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You did your research, Kay.  I had an ultrasound done this afternoon and there was no DVT.  I am most grateful for that.  Still in pain but at least I don’t have to worry about embolisms.  Ironically, to have this done I had to move my hips and legs into positions they don’t like and had counseling today,  there is no elevator to the 2nd floor, and I had some food shopping to do.  I was going to let the laundry go for putting away, but my OCD nature wouldn’t buy it.  If I can walk in the morning without tears running down my cheeks it will be miraculous.

i can’t seem to get a week with no medical necessity.  Every Sunday I ask for just one week something doesn’t happen.  It works about as well as asking for Steve back.  I don’t know why I ask every night as I’m not delusional.  Maybe it’s the kid in me that used to believe wishing on stars.  That innocence.  Because life now compared to that is pretty darned crappy.  And that’s toning down how I really feel. I try not to think why all the ones we here have lost were taken and see the news about some horrific people and just don’t understand.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

You did your research, Kay.  I had an ultrasound done this afternoon and there was no DVT.  I am most grateful for that.  Still in pain but at least I don’t have to worry about embolisms.  Ironically, to have this done I had to move my hips and legs into positions they don’t like and had counseling today,  there is no elevator to the 2nd floor, and I had some food shopping to do.  I was going to let the laundry go for putting away, but my OCD nature wouldn’t buy it.  If I can walk in the morning without tears running down my cheeks it will be miraculous.

Gwen:  So glad to hear ultrasound indicated no DVT.   Sorry you had such a tiring day.  Hope you get some rest tonight and don't have additional aches and pains tomorrow.  Dee

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Thanks Dee.  Sleep has become a real challenge these days.

 Karen, no the swelling has been there for a long time because of hypothyroidism.  It is the redness and deep pain that had my doc order the scan.  I still don’t know what is wrong except that since starting snythroid I’ve felt like crap, thus the sleep probs, I was on natural thyroid and didn’t have the problems I do now but the endocrinologist swears are not the meds.  I’m going to try to hang onto this latest increase another 4 days and if it doesn’t change will be calling her in a rant.  It’s the only thing that has changed.  

On a side note I found that Stanley Steemer missed part of my living room carpet and now have to get them back out.   A darned 2x3 foot square that I thought was a shadow at night.  Means dragging in all that equipment in again.  I’m pissed.  Gonna demand they come between other jobs Friday and fix it.  I’m not gonna wait around for hours.  Gawd, if only Steve were here.  I wouldn’t be saddled with every little thing that adds up.  I’ve never been so short tempered that I don’t even like having to deal with me!  😡

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Gwen,

I'm glad there's no DVT!  Last thing you need is surgery.  I had to smile at your OCD though, sounds like me!  You sure had a day!  Glad it's over...

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I was going to write about the latest crisises, but It’s recycled boring stuff with a few tweaks.  It’s the loneliness that is hitting me harder than any of it.  Haven’t seen anyone here in days.  I hope you are all OK.  Had a dream Steve was in briefly and that hasn’t happened in a long time.  Days getting shorter doesn’t help.  NW rain doesn’t help either.  It would be so nice to be tucked in here together for the winter.

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Gwen, I hate for you to be ill and hurt.  I will say my daughter finished the radiation and now has to have immunotherapy three times a week IV but her iron and potassium were so low they had to IV them too.  Caused projectile vomiting.  Somehow she is handling it.  I think maybe when she gets the sickest, maybe the manic side of the bipolar holds her up.  Have to plan for angioplasty for Scott Friday at VA.  Got to be there at 6:30 and said to plan for all day.  It seems we can handle/could handle things better when we had someone to share things with.  My sister is better and they won't let her be on oxygen yet, but she sure felt like she needed it.  Something about her count being 88 and needs to be 91.  I sometimes feel I need an apartment with a triage apartment in the center.  Life throws the trials at us one by one and sometimes it almost seems too much.  My  heart is with you.  

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Wow, Marg!  You are living in a medical based world too.  I’m trying to figure out how all this happened from the contentment I once knew.  You had enough getting used to life without Billy and now this.  Plus your own maladies.  I think you have the oxygen thing backwards.  88 is bad and means you need it. I see why she feels she can’t breathe.  Even 91 is low.  Normal is 95-100.  Anyway, I will be thinking of you and your family thru all this.  As much as my scrambled mind will let me.  I cannot even fathom being at a hospital for hours waiting.  If I could get away without ever seeing a doctor again I’d feel some inkling of happiness.  But it’s not to be.  You are so amazing with all you are doing.  Hang on tight to that Billy pillowcase.  ❤️

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7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I think you have the oxygen thing backwards.  88 is bad and means you need it. I see why she feels she can’t breathe.  Even 91 is low.  Normal is 95-100

I knew the numbers and just threw them in, did not know which one was which.  I just know that it would seem kinder to give her the oxygen she needs and craves if it would make her feel better.  Instead, she has her breathing treatments, and I think three that she uses as needed.  She wheezes and praises the doctor.  And then he piles on the steroids more and more.  Her lungs crave the oxygen she is not getting.  I hate for the fur babies to hurt, but when it is friends and family, it hurts so much when you cannot help them.  Kelli's veins collapse she is stuck so many times and before Billy left he would accompany her.  She has von Willebrand's (bleeding disorder) and will bleed out.  They stuck her nine times once and Billy said "no more" and he cried.  He was with Scott in the ER one time and was fainting.  He said from the smells in the ER, but it hurt him to see any of us get treatment.  I'm so glad he did not suffer long, but I sure miss him.  The "kids" felt better when he was around.  

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Gwen,  I hate that you are alone so much, I know how isolation gets to us, it's hard.  This doesn't get much easier, does it.  Esp. as we're aging.  My arthritis is crippling my hands so much, I wonder how many years I can keep shoveling snow, I'd like to pay my place off before quitting...I have another 13 years to go though.

Marg, I'm alone all the time and you're holding your family up.  I don't know which is harder, just different.  I wish your kids and sister well, it's a lot to deal with.  Keep holding Billy in your heart, I hope him and Steve are able to send strength to you and Gwen.

Last night my DIL called and wanted me to come watch the kids a couple of days, it's right when I am going to be at my coast trip with the gals from church, I haven't gone to the coast or a ladies retreat for six long years so I'm not canceling...any other time I'd be happy to watch the grandkids.  I called my son last night to see what was up and he's driving to Phoenix AZ to buy a motorhome so Bethany and kids will fly there to drive the car back.  I hope the motorhome runs, they couldn't test it.  He has to bring $1,500 in tools with him to make it driveable as the front end is gone from a wreck and he has to put a temporary wood frame on it with lights, blinkers, I just hope the engine is okay.  He paid $1,800 sight unseen, it's the one he's been looking for.  He's got quite a project for himself!

 

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Back in the ER.  I’m so tired from this.  My doc said to go because of extreme swelling and redness in my feet, ankles and calf's.  They did all the usual tests and now I sit and wait for what’s next to address this.  Had to lie about the new question they ask when you come in if you are suicidal?  I’m not, but learned in the past to not even say I don’t really care if I didn’t wake up.  My worry is this is my heart.  Back to watching some movie on TV here and hoping I get to go home.  I’m terrified of being admitted.  All that runs thru my mind is where is Steve?  I wouldn’t be so scared with him here. 

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1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

Back in the ER.  I’m so tired from this.  My doc said to go because of extreme swelling and redness in my feet, ankles and calf's.  They did all the usual tests and now I sit and wait for what’s next to address this. 

My worry is this is my heart.  I’m terrified of being admitted.  

All that runs thru my mind is where is Steve?  I wouldn’t be so scared with him here. 

Gwen:  So sorry to hear this.  Hoping the diagnosis is completed quickly and you will be back home real soon.  Understanding your fear and wishing for Steve's strong arms to hold you up.  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.  Dee

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Gwen, so sorry.  I'm so tired of hospitals I won't even watch my recorded TV shows.  Got to spend tomorrow at the VA Hospital and hope and pray it is only angioplasty.  His liver is not in good shape.  And yes, I want Billy with me and hope he will be.  We've seen that boy through IV dope addiction, gunshot wound to the femoral artery where he coded more than once, and then hep-C chemo.  A year that I am so glad Billy was with us.  We've all got to get through this gal.  It sure ain't no fun.  I'm so sorry you have to face this alone and yes, your will to live is strong or you could not make it through all this..  My heart is with you my friend and Kelli might be facing bone marrow transplant.  I think we all need prayer in a big way.  I hope they get that fluid off fast and you get to go on home.  Love you my friend.  

heart.jpg

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10 minutes ago, Marg M said:

I'm so tired of hospitals I won't even watch my recorded TV shows.  Got to spend tomorrow at the VA Hospital and hope and pray it is only angioplasty.  His liver is not in good shape. 

My heart is with you my friend and Kelli might be facing bone marrow transplant. 

I think we all need prayer in a big way.

heart.jpg

Marg:  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, too, as you watch over your kids.  Hugs.  Dee

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THanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers.  I am at home now.  Better here alone than all that medical stuff.  But no answers.  See my doc today.  The thyroid meds are working at a fast pace so that explains my feeling like I’m jumping out of my skin.  No idea about this swelling and the ER doc has it too, said he knew it was very painful, but his is from a surgery he recently had.  Young lad got it from laying soccer.  I’m just.......old.

Gin, I wonder the same thing every morning.  How did I get this far?  Then I look around and see how much I’ve changed and see how huge the void is, day after day.  

Marg, I’d rather be the one there FOR someone than this feeling so alone needing help.  I know you willl get all your kin squared away somehow the best they can.  You’re a tough bird!  🦜

love and hugs to you all!  ❤️

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Thank you for keeping us posted, Gwen. I'm so sorry for all the anxiety and pain you are experiencing. I can only repeat what Dee has said already.  

2 hours ago, widow'15 said:

Understanding your fear and wishing for Steve's strong arms to hold you up.  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

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Marge,

When you were talking about the oxygen and just give it to her. The problem is that with chronic breathing problems it is not that easy to adjust.  Most people think they are having trouble breathing so give them more oxygen when actually the opposite is true. A normal person may get 8-10 L where a person with COPD only gets 2-3L. otherwise the carbon dioxide takes over and further suppresses their breathing.

MLG

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Gwen and Marg, so sorry for all you're going through!  I'm glad you got to come home, Gwen and I hope you get some answers and help soon.  Marg, will be thinking of you today and yes am praying!

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Gwen and Marj, you are both in my prayers.  I hope that things start to go better soon.  It's so hard to deal with these things without our husbands.  Will be thinking of you both.

MLG, I don't really understand all of the breathing/oxygen issues when someone has copd, but I know that turning up the oxygen isn't always a good idea.  What I don't understand is why the drs and nurses don't seem to know that.  Before my husband passed away, they kept turning it up and when I questioned the fact that his 02 level was at 100% and wasn't that a concern for someone with copd, they said no, it was good.

Mary

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They did heart cath on Scott.  Blockages were minimal.  Kelli got a new med to help build platelets and did not have to have immunotherapy this morning.  The new med has a steroid in it and it is not making her allergic like she is to steroid shots.  She has so much energy (she is moving this week-end) to town close.  I have nothing but praise for VA Hospitals while some of my friends are complaining on FB about the large hospital complexes around us.  Thank you for your prayers.  I got up at 4:00 a.m. this morning.  We got home in daylight.  Scott drove us over there.  He has no ill effects from the cath.  They gave him a shot they said would relax him, but it only went into the skin, no vein, and he felt the wire going to his heart.  No hurting, just interesting (to him) feelings.  

Gwen, I hope your week end goes good and you can stay away from the ER.  Heart is with you girl.

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Y'all, as to the oxygen content, measurements, I was only a transcriptionist all those years.  Never hands-on clinic experience except taking care of my family.  I know people get "oxygen hungry" and that is just something I typed.  I know I hear my sister needing more "breath" and I would hate to see her made sicker with too  much oxygen.  I do not know anything but terminology.  If I sound like I do, it is just not true.  

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