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Kieron

The club no one wants to join

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They want me to go for a colonoscopy but I have no one to drive me and that is a requirement.  Mammograms aren't fun but at least i can drive myself there.  It's hard growing old with no one by your side.

Yesterday I got at least six yellowjacket stings and I'm allergic, had to use my epipen.  Didn't sleep worth beans last night, hurting, itching.  One yellowjacket is still in the house taunting me, can't get him.  I'm wondering how long we can coexist before he stings me.  They are aggressive!  Am thinking of going to the doctor to get these checked out, 105 mile round trip, not what I had planned for today!

I got the shingrix 2 part shots, glad it's over with.  It's a miserable shot with side effects but I don't want shingles, my cousin gets that.  

I felt I could survive anything when I had George by my side...now I'm not so sure.

Here's my new walking partner, Joe...it's not the same, of course, it never will be, but he's sweet and at least it brightens my day to see him.

Joe1.jpg

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And I'll bet it brightens Joe's day each time he sees you, too, Kay! I hope that pesky bee finds its way outside before it finds its way to you! 

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16 hours ago, KarenK said:

Ron has been gone over 6 years now, and Debbie  for 5. In a way, it still seems like yesterday. The hole in my heart and the emptiness in my soul will never heal.

Being that most of us are older, in addition to the black cloud of sadness that we live under,  I guess it is logical that the black cloud of physical difficulties we face would be right there beside it. I have never before felt so tired or in so much pain from various maladies. Right now I am fighting another UTI and another blasted gum infection.

I feel like a walking pharmacy. Can't sleep for more than a couple of hours without having to go to the bathroom. Went for my physical in July and doctor wants me to go to a cardiologist because something on my heart didn't look right. Told him I wasn't going and NO, I don't want a mammogram, colonoscopy, shingles shot, etc.

I did fill a script for an antidepressant, but after reading the side effects, decided I don't want that either. I am not a good patient.

Peace, everyone. It's one thing we can all hope for.

Karen:  Sorry you are having to deal with infections.  I so understand your not wanting to go to the doctor and go through all of those tests that we used to complete with no problem cause either we had the energy or our sweet hubbies would drive us and wait with us.  Now we're on our own and have to find our own way there, sit by ourselves and hope and pray they don't find anything else to diagnose.

Unfortunately most if not all medications have a side effect.  I recently asked my new primary care doctor if it was okay to take over the counter pain relievers.  But, being a very young physician she quoted there are studies showing over the counter pain relievers may cause dementia.  Some nights one of those little pills is all I need to calm down my tossin and turning.  Long about 3 am, I sometimes get up and take one anyway.  I'm not a very good patient either.

Hoping you get to feeling better real soon.  Dee 

 

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8 minutes ago, widow'15 said:

Unfortunately most if not all medications have a side effect.

I worked for staff doctors at a teaching hospital and one job was to deal with pharmacy dealers.  They would give the free clinics so much of these new medications.  They may have done a lot of good.  The problem was, when the samples ran out the indigent people could in no way in this world afford the new medication.  If they lived long enough it would become a generic and cost a lot less, but time waits on no one.  I am not doubting a study that says some OTC medication causes dementia.  But, the ones that are not OTC, no one can afford them.  I begged to not be on an antidepressant.  New doctor.  She did not listen to me and dumba$$ me took the very mild dose and woke up in the wee morning hours with symptoms I later learned should have been taken to the ER.  One small dose pill.  The elderly sometimes cannot take what others can and believe it or not, talk to a pharmacist after you talk to doctor.  "First Do No Harm" is an oath they used to take.  Not sure they do it in the same way anymore.  

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Marg, I think it's "First Do No Harm"(unless I get a kickback from the meds I prescribe  or the specialist I send my patient to). Just my humble opinion.

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I tend to agree with you, Marg and Karen.  I have worked in mental health for many years and I was told by someone in the know that medications are mainly tested on volunteer subjects who are white/European-descended, and many of the subjects are male.  Many medications have different effects on different ethnic groups, and women's bodies often handle medication differently than men's bodies do.  Everyone is different and what works for one, won't work or may even harm another.  It's scary.  I'm exceedingly cautious about what medications I will take after what this person told me.

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Having just seen my new shrink again today, and his wanting to up my antidepressant because I was so in despair last week, I got the chance to tell him he didn’t let me tell him WHY I felt that way.  I didn’t expect counseling, but wanted him to know that there are times when people feel worse and a pill isn’t always the answer.  I made him listen to the events that sent me into a tailspin as they would anyone, depressed or not.  It’s interesting your describing the test group.  He acted like he didn’t believe the times I tried to quit the antidepressants and had severe withdrawal.  He never had to do it.  He also saying they aren’t that hard to get adjusted to.  Again, been there, done that and they can be and were for me.  Anyone can tolerate (for example) a little nausea.  But when it makes you feel like your going bonkers that is not a minor side effect.  Arg.  We may not be doctors, but we aren’t stupid either.  Why would I make something up?  I want the meds to work.  It would be great if they did for everyone no matter who with simplicity and true effectiveness with ease getting there.  But these are chemicals that alter our bodies and brains.  Guess I’m still a little wound up from our session and what felt like we were challenging each other instead of being a team.  I did tell him what I will and won’t do.  It’s a start.  Oh, and forget that we are trying to handle grief.  They see that as another reason to add meds we may not need.  I didn’t even want to get into the antidepressant when I started with him, just manage my anxiety and panic disorders.  At least he will prescribe those meds without drama.

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9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

He also saying they aren’t that hard to get adjusted to.

Medications *are* hard to adjust to-- you're right, maybe he should try taking something, and get back to you!  Some people can't handle the side effects.  Some side effects are socially embarrassing like excessive salivating/drooling, or else sleeping too much, severe weight gain, excessive appetite, dry mouth, blurred vision etc etc.  Sheesh!  If they work for someone, great.  If not, that someone might try something else.

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I tried 6 different antidepressants, even though I don’t like the idea of taking pills. They all made me horribly ill. I will not try/take any more. Period. 

Seems to me doctors just want to shove pills at you for everything, and I think that’s horse crap.

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Well I got put on Prednisone yesterday, ugh, and it was challenging to get ointment on my back w/o a husband to do it for me...I ended up taping a cottonball to a long pair of scissors and putting it on with that, it worked!

I took antidepressants when I was married to my kids' dad, it was all that helped me withstand it, but when I married George I went off them.  I didn't notice any adjustment, really, but he said he did.  ;)  It was short term and minimal though.  I haven't been on them since, even though I get down too, the loneliness is hard.  And concerns about growing old alone, those are real concerns.  I think it'd help if I had more of a support system.  My son is so far away and busy that I have to save counting on him for the hardest of hard things...he usually only comes here once a year, this year he had to twice already.

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I forgot to mention this shrink wants me to have the rifle we own out of the house.  I didn’t  even think about that thing til he asked if there was a gun in the house.  Now I have to find someone to take it for awhile and I know so few people and they are all pacifists.  If I had ever thought of that, I wouldn’t use a rifle!  Too risky and awkward.  My therapist said that was standard practice to do so we talked over options so I don’t have to lie.  I’m going to ask the musician that comes by to put it somewhere in the garage where I won’t know or see it.  That way I can say Tom had it and I don’t know where it is.  Another annoying thing he talked about was if I got to feeling less depressed, I could resume a 'normal' schedule.  Meaning becoming a more 9 to 5 person. I’ve lived a night owl life for decades and fail to see why I would do that.  This guy really stresses me out, good thing he prescribes the meds I need for such things.  I’m standing up to him which I think annoys him, but I’m sick of being shoved around by people that act superior and I’ve never been a sheep.  He’s supposed to be helping my anxiety, not redefining what I want my life to be.  He’s going to have to come to understand I will always be depressed to some degree without Steve.  That will never leave me and no pill or sleep/rise time is going to fix it.  I’m fact, that became our schedule when he retired.  It feels 'normal' to me.  Just lacking him.

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12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m standing up to him which I think annoys him, but I’m sick of being shoved around by people that act superior and I’ve never been a sheep.

Good for you!  Doctors of any sort don't seem to like us standing up to them, but I do too.
 

 

12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I will always be depressed to some degree without Steve.

I get that, I struggle with it.  It's an ongoing battle.

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Working in the medical field 43 years, being a patient of many specialties off and on all my life, I have not felt safe with any one of them since our old GP's of many years ago.  Many life's have been saved because of the specialized medicine/surgical directions.  Somehow though, I hear and see "not my problem" more than real help.  That is just me.  

I have written out not to give me pain killers.  I cannot take opiates.  First thing they do is write me a prescription for opiates.  I am too old for some antidepressants, first thing they do is write me a prescription and give me samples for this new wonder drug antidepressant.  I take it to my old clinician for so many years, tell her what it did to me, and she just shakes her head and says "I don't know how they think you  could afford this anyhow."  Then my working for the staff physicians and the pharmacist reps that came to the office and left a load of samples of the new drug.  It was a state hospital.  Give the expensive sample to  the indigent patient who gets great results.  No more samples.  So we go back to a generic that suffices, maybe not as good as the new expensive one, but it is what it is.  

I have become cynical and jaded.  Unless you are unresponsive, help your physician out by knowing what you can take, what you do not want to take, and be ready for some reactions you might not expect.  Either respect for your opinion, or they fire you as a patient.  

In looking back (which I seldom do), I find this is almost the same thing I wrote above this post.  Hmmmm.........guess I have been taking that OTC medication too long, the one that causes dementia.  Has to be Tylenol, all I can take.  

 

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From my experience, Doctors do not seem adept in prescribing for the  feeling of utter pain and sadness from devastating loss.

I went to a urgent care just to talk to a Doctor about my unshakable sadness and he said it was normal given I had only been grieving for five months. He prescribed an anti-depressant. I tried the anti-depressant, but it gave me headaches and made me unsteady on my feet which is dangerous for me at work so I stopped taking it after two weeks.

When I went to see my family on Easter day for Easter dinner, I told them I honestly knew I was sad all the time and that I thought I should see if I could find some help. They thought it was a good idea and supported me in my decision, so I went to the ER as I have no regular Doctor.

When I arrived at the ER with my Mother and my Sister accompanying me, the nurse asked me a few questions and told me that they would have me talk to a Doctor, I did not know what I expected for him to do I only knew I had to do something. After talking to him at length about the loss of my dear wife Rene'e, and telling him all of the feelings I've had since I lost her, he had only two questions for me.

One question was, "What is it that you love now?" to which I answered very quickly "I love my dogs and my work". The second question was, "Do you own a gun?" to which I answered very quickly "No, I have never owned a gun".

He seemed satisfied and informed me that I suffered from Major Clinical Depression, so I thought "Oh great, wonderful times ahead".

On all, I would say I spoke to him for about 30 minutes, at most, and he was done. He referred me to some outpatient Doctor and Counseling I could not afford and I have not been back to see another Doctor since. I think I felt worse for having tried.

Thank goodness I can talk here, and sleep 😴

 

 

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Johnny, both of my kids are bipolar.  And, if you think we have not had some fun with that...........ha.  But, I knew my dad had to be also.  After the cancer I started having spells they called disassociation.  What scared me was when I would disassociate, my biggest problem was I did not want to lose this phenomenon.  I did go to a psychiatrist for 15 years.  Went through Prozac mainly and it would make me where I really did not have unhappiness or happiness, I could not cry.  I finally quit them after years. (coasted off them with help of shrink).  Before my main psychiatrist (now remember, this was in the 1980's, early,) and we had a new doctor come to town with a rag wrapped around his head.  Indian or something.  It cost me $125 over what my insurance paid to talk to this man for 15 minutes.  His message was "you've got to learn to love yourself."  Well, I damn well loved my money more than I did him.  I have suffered from sometimes deep depression since childhood and I wanted expert advice and a diagnosis I could live with.  Well, I have chronic depression, and I did not get anything exotic like schizophrenia or bipolar.  I did have those wonderful scary disassociation spells, but that is a whole "nuther" story.  I do believe now though, along with my chronic depression, I certainly have situational depression, that I will have till I leave this world.  No pill will cure grief.  (Now, this is only my opinion.)

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23 minutes ago, Marg M said:

No pill will cure grief. 

No, there is nothing for it.  It can only be lived.  How ironic... life, after death.

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