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**{POSTING THIS ON BEHALF OF MY DAD}**


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Hi everyone, i hope its OK, but I am posting this on behalf of my dad (Frank) as he doesn't have an account. So he wanted to say a few words, and for me to write them down for him. "It's nearly 3 years now, and i still miss you very much. I know you help me in many ways in spirit, and my family. I miss talking to you, giving out to you, you nagging me, which is all part of our coming together. I visit you often, and talk to you in my own way, I hope you can hear me conversing with you from heaven. Till we meet again - I love you my darling always x x x x x x

😊

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Frank,

I'm sure she knows, I talk to my husband all the time and think about him the rest of the time.  Sending you best wishes.

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Next month will be three years.  I still sleep on a pillow stuffed with two pair of his pants and a shirt he wore all the time.  Of course, I have five pillows scattered about.  Sometimes I reach over on the seat in the car beside me, a seat he has never ridden in, and I reach for his sports pants covered skinny leg.  I miss his soft sweet hands, the high cheek bones, the beautiful blue eyes, and I talk to the clouds.  Strange, I only talk to the clouds.  If it is a blue cloudless sky, I am speechless.  Now, I do talk to the moon and each night I pray to Jesus and get it mixed up talking to Billy, and I know they just shrug, "what can you expect?  It's Marg."  So, it is okay with both of them.  

After 54 years together, he understands me.  So does Jesus.  I've been with him since a little girl.  But, that is just me.  Glad you found us.  Most everyone makes more sense than I do.  We just all still grieve in our own way.  

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Marg, come to Seattle, we have no absence of clouds.  Yes, we all grieve in our own way.  I noticed in your interests you have 'existing'.  That about sums it up perfectly.  

MariesBaby......I hope your dad and you find the support here as we all have for anything you feel or want to say.  Just knowing others can relate and truly understand can make a difference as we have to deal with a world that doesn’t understand grief until it happens to them.  Everyone here can tell you that we have received more unsolicited, patronizing or ridiculous advice from outsiders.  Also, your grief and his will be different obviously.  The dynamics of the relationship cause that, but it’s very real for you both.  

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2 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

 Also, your grief and his will be different obviously.  The dynamics of the relationship cause that, but it’s very real for you both

My two grown middle aged kids are as lost without their dad, almost as I am, and they might even argue that.  My granddaughter, he was the only daddy she ever knew and she was the love of his life.  She stays with me now.  Cannot ever fill that vacancy in all our lives.  

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3 hours ago, Marg M said:

Next month will be three years.  I still sleep on a pillow stuffed with two pair of his pants and a shirt he wore all the time.   

Marg: Every night I sleep clutching a small pillow my husband used to have to sleep with between his knees since his hip replacement some years ago.  Nestled between the pillow case is another folded pillow case that was on his bed pillow prior to his last hospital stay.   Some days, I just have to unfold that pillowcase and hold it for a few seconds and pretend he is still with me even after three years.  Dee

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Marg M, Gwenivere, widow '15 I think this is so truly beautiful that you each have your own unique ways of coping. ♥️ I think that its so lovely and nice to hear that you have pillows or clothes etc that bring you comfort. I also have two night dresses belonged to my mam, i sit with one when i am watching tv and hold onto it. And the other one i sleep with every single night. I also have a suitcase full of some of her favorite clothes and her favorite leather jacket... now i dont feel so weird about doing what i do. (If that makes scene)

My husband has told me numerous times that im crazy for doing this, and that i "need help" in relation to the suitcase. Its hurtful - he has lost both his grandparents so if anyone he should understand what i am going through... But no one does no one seems bothered or as if they even care anymore...😭 thats how i feel to be honest. I happy that my dad decided to post something on here... and ill ask him if he would like to say more, obviously i will do it on his behalf once that is ok with Mods and everyone? We still cant talk to each other about what has happened though....😥😥

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It's not crazy in the least.  Clothes are like an outside layer of a person.  Clothes express who we are, what we like (such as colors or styles), how we feel about ourselves, and our social status or wealth.  Clothes are (and can be) intensely personal.  They also take on scents such as someone's fragrance or perfume, that we associate with them.  When someone passes away, their clothing can be a comforting reminder.

If the suitcase of clothing brings you comfort, then by all means continue.  How does it hurt anyone?  Husband's comment says more about him than anything else.  🙄

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1 hour ago, MariesBabyGirl1990 said:

ill ask him if he would like to say more, obviously i will do it on his behalf once that is ok with Mods and everyone?

Of course it's okay for you to post here on behalf of your dad, as long as it's okay with him . . .

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My friend, her husband has been gone over 10 years.  I asked her if she talked to her husband like he was with her.  She looked at me like I was a "little off" and said "Your young in your grief."  I knew what she meant.  Actually, I am old, my grief is not quite three years old and my grandma said at 18 years it seemed like "yesterday" so I do not feel foolish in anything I do.  Stay with us.  Sometimes it is not just our grief that overwhelms us, it is the grief of others and we set back, can do nothing, and just wonder "why????"  

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Clothes are an intimate part of them, having worn them next to their skin, plus we've seen them visually in them so it's part of our memory of them.  I still have George's robe hanging on my bathroom door and when I need his comfort I put it on and wrap myself in it.  It's understandable to me that we should feel close to them when doing this.  Whatever brings us comfort, there's nothing crazy about it!

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Thank you so much to everyone for your replies. They mean so so much to me. Your right @Kieron it does say more about him. ****** (I had to censor his name in case anyone on here knows his name) is such a narcissistic person with a narcissistic personality. Its ALL about him - he has not once considered my feelings in all of this and what has being going on... I go to therapy and its helping, but its a slow process for me. as i feel im not ready to talk or open up completely yet as im afraid if i start to cry ill never ever stop. He just doesn't get it ugh!!! 😩😤😖😨😖😤

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MariesBaby, I do feel for you not having  your husbands  support.  This is a monumental change in your llfe.  I don’t know if you have anyone else you can turn to.  I am alone in my losses and I know the emotional toll it can take as the time goes by when even people that have friends drop away.  There is nothing worse than feeling you are alone.  Is your father still here?  Is he somine you can talk with?  Someone to share with, tho your journeys are diffferent.  I cannot fathom having a spouse I can’t confide in.  My heart truly feels for you.  🦋💖

I do hope you will cry.  It will stop.  Without that you might find things getting worse as they need outlets.  Some scream instead.  The goal is a release valve, whatever it takes.  Only you know what it will take.  I know from my experience that trying to hold things in hurt me much more than I could have imagined.  Counselors help, but we pay them.  Look into your heart and find your need and go with it, husband be damned.  Just my opinion.

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Something else I do.  I keep his clothes hung up in the double closet, but I keep them mixed up with mine just so his clothes will be next to mine all the time.  And, I saved all his Kindles and saved his books that were his favorites.  Also left the Amazon account in his name.  I read on Billy's Kindle #5, that is where all the books go to.  The next will be Billy's #6.  He loved to read.  In his dreams I think he wanted to be Jeremiah Johnson.  

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19 hours ago, MariesBabyGirl1990 said:

Marg M, Gwenivere, widow '15 I think this is so truly beautiful that you each have your own unique ways of coping. ♥️ I think that its so lovely and nice to hear that you have pillows or clothes etc that bring you comfort. I also have two night dresses belonged to my mam, i sit with one when i am watching tv and hold onto it. And the other one i sleep with every single night. I also have a suitcase full of some of her favorite clothes and her favorite leather jacket... now i dont feel so weird about doing what i do. (If that makes scene)

😭😥😥

MariesBabyGirl:  You should not feel you need to explain to anyone what gives you peace in grieving for your loved one.  When my mother passed away some 19 years ago, my daughter, who is now 50 years old,  helped me care for my dear Mother -  she suffered with dementia.  After her passing away my daughter kept a large zip lock bag of her clothing that she opens occasionally to reunite with her Gramma's special way of always smelling so beautiful.   Please don't ever think about feeling weird - you aren't - you just loved deeply.  With loving thoughts.  Dee

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you so much everyone for your kind and thoughtful replies 😌 You are all so incredibly sweet - It means so much to me that I have people on here that i can talk and relate to. I hope you are all doing ok, I am sorry there are so many names to mention, but just know - that I am thinking of each and everyone of you.

desperately

Me and my husband got into another argument the other night... He said i "need the men in white coats to come and take me away" I felt so alone and shocked as my dad witnessed the whole thing and didn't once step in to defend me 😨☹️😥 He also stated to my dad that "Did something happen to Kormeera in her childhood, shes so f****** angry its unbelievable!" I was shocked: and still am almost a week or possibly more. . I don't know what to do, I feel as if im falling into a deep hole that i cant get out of... All is can say is THANK GOD i'm going back to counseling on Wednesday because i desperately need it, and cannot take much more of this bullshit! 😡 Sorry For Ranting Off

Much love to you all, Kori xoxo

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It doesn't sound like his statement came from a loving safe place.  I'm glad you're going to counseling, personally I think most of us have needed it at some time or another!  It helps to get that fresh perspective from someone who knows how to gently guide us into figuring it all out!  

Thank you for sharing that photo with us, she's beautiful and I'm glad you have those good memories to treasure within you.

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Kori, on my DNA profile I am mostly Irish.  No big surprise, red hair, freckles.  When Billy and I fussed, Daddy always asked me what had I done.  (He knew me).  He was wrong a lot of times though.  Not the support we expect.  I'm sorry.  Husbands sometimes are wrong also and if it had become physical, your dad would have jumped right in. Your dad is probably still in shock and might not even remember it happening.  I forgot so much soon afterwards.

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On 9/18/2018 at 2:09 AM, Kieron said:

How insensitive.  You've every right to feel as you do.  Such treatment is inexcusable.  😬

 

On 9/18/2018 at 3:05 PM, Marg M said:

Kori, on my DNA profile I am mostly Irish.  No big surprise, red hair, freckles.  When Billy and I fussed, Daddy always asked me what had I done.  (He knew me).  He was wrong a lot of times though.  Not the support we expect.  I'm sorry.  Husbands sometimes are wrong also and if it had become physical, your dad would have jumped right in. Your dad is probably still in shock and might not even remember it happening.  I forgot so much soon afterwards.

 

On 9/18/2018 at 2:04 PM, kayc said:

It doesn't sound like his statement came from a loving safe place.  I'm glad you're going to counseling, personally I think most of us have needed it at some time or another!  It helps to get that fresh perspective from someone who knows how to gently guide us into figuring it all out!  

Thank you for sharing that photo with us, she's beautiful and I'm glad you have those good memories to treasure within you.

On 9/18/2018 at 2:12 AM, Widowedbysuicide said:

I'm sorry you are being treated this way.  It certainly is not very considerate.  Good luck at councelling, I hope it will help you with everything.

Beautiful picture 🌹

 

On 9/18/2018 at 2:09 AM, Kieron said:

How insensitive.  You've every right to feel as you do.  Such treatment is inexcusable.  😬

Thank you so much everyone for you encouraging and kind words. Unfortunately i didn't go to counseling today as my therapist inst available and hasn't been for some time - absolutely no fault of his own and i understand completely. Its still incredibly hard though especially the waiting part, i just prey with everything i have that im going tomorrow - please keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for m that i get to go. I don't want to find a different counselor as i feel completely comfortable with where im at, and it took me so long to find someone who i can trust completely and open up to.

Last night he was at me AGAIN because i was in my friends house, and didn't get home till after 9. He was giving out and moaning because my son had school today and was supposed to be in bed by or at 8. He never gets him to bed on time so i don't see what the big deal is to be honest...

His statement didn't come from a safe place at all. He was so menacing with his words the way he spoke to me was awful 😥 My dad did remember the next day cause all he kept saying to me was "make your peace with your hubby, please, for me" Its all about me, me, me, in me da's eyes if im completely honest... im so sick of it, im f****** sick of it all at this stage. 😕 I just HAVE and NEED to get back to therapy ASAP before i snap, because i cant do this anymore!!! im almost at my breaking point with all of this s***! So please everyone, just prey i go back tomorrow or soon cause i am so so stressed out.... im actually so stressed i think i am coming down with something... yippie(!) NOT 😞😩😷

All my love,

Kori Xx

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