Threw out a lot of Al's stuff

[Gin]

Today I decided to get rid of a lot of stuff from the back room.  Al and I got married 18 yrs ago.  We were both widowed.  He sold his house and moved in with me.  Of course he brought a lot of things here.  Today I went thru some of it.  A lot from his high school days, scouting trips, honor society notes, and basketball things.   I saved pics of him, but most of the rest left.  Needless to say, I felt terrible throwing away ANYTHING relating to Al.  He had no children and most of his siblings are dead.  There is no one to pass it on to.  I have to downsize since I will have to leave  this house eventually.  I am 79 and it is getting very hard to do much of anything.   He made me so many cards and poems, so I have a lot of happy things from him.  He has been gone almost 3 years, but it still seems so raw and sad.  I had medical issues this week and it is so hard to deal with these things alone, as you all know.   Just voicing what we are all feeling.   I miss him so much.

[MartyT]

[brat#2]

Gin, I know exactly what you are saying, last year at this time I was doing the same thing since I was moving to another state and couldn't take everything with me.  It is so hard and it feels and sometime it still does feel like I'm throwing part of him away.  I'm glad you kept the things that have special memories to you, I did too and we aren't throwing them away, just stuff, Al and Dale and all of our loved ones will be in our hearts and souls forever.  Hugs to you, Joyce

 

[Gin]

Joyce,. Exactly.  My kids want to throw away so much in the garage.  I told them to leave me alone about it.  I feel like I am throwing him away.  He loved making things and was always making things for the grandkids.  Eventually, I know I will have to .  

[scba]

I'm sorry Gin, it is very hard and heart breaking I know.

I'm sorry too about your health issues. I wish you the best. All of this is hard to deal with, but this is a safe place to vent and write down our feelings and worries.

Take care

[Gin]

Ana, wishing you well with your health issues, also.

[Gwenivere]

I can only echo what others have said.  Some things went easily, others never will go.  It’s amazing what has so much meaning when it’s not something obvious.  Onlhy in our hearts.  No one knows the memories contained in a stapler as.opposed to their ashtray, for example.  Those are ours alone.  Totally relate on the health issues.  Want to snuggle into them for the safety of being loved over being a patient.  My thoughts are with you, Gin.  💕

[widow'15]

Gin:  This is the Big Elephant in the Room that keeps me awake at nights.  When and how to go through his clothes and all the stuff that was him.  We have to do it at our time.  You know how and when you are ready.   

So sorry to hear of your recent health concerns.

Dee

 

[iPraiseHim]

6 hours ago, widow'15 said:

Gin:  This is the Big Elephant in the Room that keeps me awake at nights.  When and how to go through his clothes and all the stuff that was him.  We have to do it at our time.  You know how and when you are ready.   

So sorry to hear of your recent health concerns.

Dee

 

It's been 3 & 1/2 years and I still have not done that task either.  I still have not deleted my wife's favorite account on Netflix although she hasen't watched anything since she died.  Some things I had to take care of quickly and others I am just needing time.  I still miss her everyday but know she will not be coming back.  I still can only face this "One day at a time".  

I have bought two used (old) cars since then and I'm just dealing with managing what comes up.  Recently, I went to change the drinking water filters in my home and discovered a water leak, and a rusted water reservoir. New tank ordered.... and a hurricane headed my way so I need to prepare for and monitor it's movement this week. - Shalom

[kayc]

Who all is affected by Hurricane Florence?  I know George that you are, and Deborah, not sure if Marty will since I heard it's Northern Florida.  My DIL's brother is also in VA.  Praying for all affected.  The worst storm I ever lived through was the Columbus Day Storm here in 1962, we had wind 179 mph, took our roof off, downed trees, the neighbor's window broke, I remember my dad fixed that for them.  All businesses closed, it was scary.

I honestly wish my kids would help me purge, quite a bit is my son's and his dad's (he just took what he wanted when he left).  Too much stuff here I don't use but I can't get rid of a lot of this without help, so it waits (too big, up in the attic, which doesn't have a way up to it and I don't get on ladders).

Gin, you were brave to tackle that, I know it's hard to go through their things.  I went through George's stuff years ago, very hard.

[MartyT]

19 minutes ago, kayc said:

not sure if Marty will since I heard it's Northern Florida.

Safe so far, Kay ~ but I remember vividly dealing with Hurricane Irma last year. Once is enough for me! ♥

[brat#2]

I hope that everyone that lives in the "cone" will be safe and do what the authorities tell them to do.  Living in Florida from 1982 to 2017, I know all too well how terrifying these storms can be.  For 25 of those years we lived about 2 miles inland from the East coast and have dealt with 12 hurricanes and tropical storms, having to evacuate for 7 of them (3 times I had to evacuate by myself after Dale died) and coming home to damage each time.  But at least we were safe, damage can be fixed.  After the last evacuation in 2017, my family convinced me to move closer to them, so I now live in Ohio (have to deal with winter that I haven't had to for 35 years!!!), but at least no major storms to deal with, however, still get a little anxious when a thunderstorm comes around, as you know Marty or anyone living in Florida, even the Florida thunderstorms can be very bad.  Good luck !

[Widowedbysuicide]

Praying for safety for all.

[kayc]

I talked to George last night (iPraiseHim) and he's in the path it seems, he'll let us know if they have to evacuate, praying for him!  Also Deborah is concerned (she was on this site years ago) about it heading her way, I think the hurricane was at a 3 yesterday although our news report said a 4.

[shebert56]

Gin, just wanted to send some love your way.  I've done a little bit of this here and there (and yes, it's only been a month for me).   But I was absolutely sure when doing so, and if even a moment of doubt, I let it be.  I tell myself these things are not Stephen.  They are remembrances of him, but they are not him.  Some items I will never part with.  It makes me smile, that I am departing with the multitude of fishing equipment that had been collecting dust for years, but I cannot part with his father's fishing hat, nor Stephen's wader boots.  I swear, it's like those items spoke to me, pleading to stay.  So stay they will.

~Shirley 

 

 

[kayc]

George died on Father's Day and on July 4 his closet rod broke.  I took that as a not-so-subtle sign I was supposed to do something with his clothes.  I boxed them up (saving a bit to keep) and 1 1/2 months later I donated them to Sponsors, which is where I knew he'd want them to go.  I don't think there's any hurry, it can be right away or it can wait ten years, it's when we are ready that matters and I think we'll know when that time is.  I cleaned out his camper way too soon, it was agonizing, I shouldn't have pushed myself and I should have had someone like my daughter with me when I did it.

[Polly]

It's been almost 3 for me. I bagged up all of Richard's clothes shortly after he died. I put the bags in the garage and they sat there until a few weeks ago. I finally donated them. I still have all of his hunting stuff and train stuff in the basement where they have always been. His train table still sits untouched. I just can't do anything with that stuff yet. I have thought that I need to but I guess I'm just not ready yet. The basement was his man cave. There is still a calendar hanging on his big tool box that is hanging on the wall. It's on October 2015. I can't take it down. 

[kayc]

I'm not sure I've taken down George's calendar that was in his shop yet either, I'd have to look.  I do remember seeing it a couple of years ago and it felt weird, like frozen in time, back to that month.