olemisfit Posted September 27, 2018 Report Share Posted September 27, 2018 Well "shucks" on a cracker! Just what I need is another reminder. Tomorrow will be day #1000 of being without my wife. Even though her health was fading by the time I retired on Jan 1st, 2011 I still woke up each morning with a feeling of contentment and even with excitement to have her to wake up with each day. My official retirement date was 1/1/2011, and Cookie's death was on 1/1/2016. That crush I had on her by the time we got married (on 3/7/75) never went away. If anything, it got stronger over the years. Heck, I still have a crush on her. That festering, burning hole in my gut doesn't hurt as much by now, but there isn't a day that she isn't on my mind. Just like in the movie "as good as it gets" Cookie always made me want to be a better man. Holy cow but do I ever miss her physical presence! Nothing is the same without her. For the most part we both liked the same TV shows, and they were somehow better when we watched them together. Ditto with football games. I still watch TV every once in a while, but it sure isn't the same by myself. I used to love to read. We owned a used book store in Scottsdale Arizona for several years back in the early 1980's. But we had to shut it down when a video rental store opened up immediately next door to our bookstore. So after that we never had to wonder where our next book to read would come from. Since Cookie's passing I just can't seem to get interested in reading anything. Not even a magazine. Trying to look into my future what I see is just another 1000 days of this same emptiness and loneliness. In spite of how all this appears to be, I'm not saying all this wanting anyone's pity or sympathy. The only reason I feel what I feel now is because we had such a wonderful and perfect relationship. Man, but did we ever! Cookie & I shared the good times, and I have 41 years of memories. I can't remember the exact wording of the old saying I'm wanting to use now, but it's something about unto each of us a little rain must fall. So I have to endure that rainfall now. Ain't no biggee with all the memories that I have to keep me company. It isn't as good as her physically being here with me. But even on the worst of days it's better than what it would be like if she & I had never met. I still miss her presence every day. Oh well, I will continue putting one foot in front of the other as I continue this "journey" Darrel 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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