I can't say goodbye

[James Fletcher]

Yesterday I lost my best friend. It was so sudden and unexpected, I can't stop crying, I miss him so much.

I know most people think about cats as being aloof and such, but he was so loving and affectionate to me. We really had a special relationship, we were like two peas in a pod. When I'd walk around the house, he would always follow me, almost every night he would sleep on my bed.

He was a massive part of my life, half of the time I live alone so he was my company and when he was around I never felt lonely.  I used to love coming home, knowing that I'd get to see him and cuddle him and that he would be there waiting for me.

I'd never thought he would die so soon. 

We live on a main road, so when we first got him and his sister we would worry about them getting run over, but after a year or so had passed, we didn't feel the need to concern ourselves as we have a big field behind our garden which they often roamed in. 

When he turned 7 he and his sister would often stay in more, as he got older the family could all see he was getting more affectionate.

I knew it had to come someday, but I just believed that it wouldn't be for another 10 years.

So when I found out he'd been knocked over yesterday morning I just couldn't get my head around it.

I feel like he has been snatched from me.

I am just grateful that we found out and were allowed to give him a burial and a final goodbye, it was closure even if it was so sudden. We have to thank Helena for that who works for a cat society, if it wasn't for her unselfishness and kindness (she drove all the way down from Bury), we might of not had even known and he would of just been trown away, it's people like that who I wish the best of God's luck. 

Looking at the grave I buried him in, I'm finding it hard to turn away, I know it's silly, but I feel like I'm abandoning him. 

His sister Marie, is acting a little strange, she is affectionate, but she isn't eating as much as normal, I wonder if she is aware of the situation, after all they grew up with each other and she would always clean him. 
 

I'd thought I'd post this here as some people my not understand how much my Claude meant to me, he was a close member of the family. I just hold onto the believe that he is at peace in a better place.

[MartyT]

24 minutes ago, James Fletcher said:

His sister Marie, is acting a little strange, she is affectionate, but she isn't eating as much as normal, I wonder if she is aware of the situation, after all they grew up with each other and she would always clean him. 

I'm so sorry for your loss, James, and I know how much this hurts. I hope that when you remember your beloved Claude, the love you share is what you will remember most. ♥️

I do believe that our companion animals know when a family member is missing. You may find this article helpful: Pet Loss: Supporting Your Grieving Pet

[kayc]

James

I am so sorry.  Years ago I had sibling cats we adopted at  four months.  When Midnight was about two he got caught in a neighbor kid's trap on our property, down in the forest.  We called and looked for Midnight for several days to no avail.  On the fifth day gangrene had set in so he was able to pull his badly infected paw out of the trap and make his way back to us.  It was very toxic by then and no local vets, he would not have been able to withstand the 50 mile drive to the nearest city to have him euthanized, so we had to take care of it ourselves, we knew it was too late for amputation or anything else, his whole system was affected by then.  So we gave him a can of salmon and then killed him instantly.  It's one of the hardest things we've ever had to go through but it had to be done, he was in incredible suffering.  Autumn, Midnight's sister, was never the same again.  We made sure she didn't see us "take care of" Midnight, but they were so close, she had an awareness that something happened to him and she blamed us for it.  She no longer came in the house or let us pet her.  She lived to be 14, her life was harder being outside but she would often hang out on the patio, she wanted to be near us, but didn't trust us enough to move in for a petting.  Very very hard.

If Marie will allow you to, give her lots of attention and affection, she will be grieving her brother.  I am sorry you lost Claude but also glad you were able to find out what happened.  Years later I had to have my Lucky (dog) euthanized and she was very close with my cat, Miss Mocha.  I worried about how Miss Mocha would handle it.  She sniffed her grave and then peed on it, as if to mark her as her own.  She did pretty good considering they were so close and Miss Mocha seemed to idolize Lucky and follow her everywhere, imitating everything she did.  I had her several more years.

Coming to terms with all of this ourselves is so hard, they are part of our family, we are as close to them as our own children, in many ways, they are.  I wish for you peace in the days ahead and additional bonding with Marie.

You are right, not all cats are the same, they are not all aloof, the one thing cats seem to have in common is that they all have their own uniqueness.  It is in discovering that uniqueness that we can fully appreciate and love them for who they are.  God be with you in your sorrow.