brat#2 Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 On this day 36 years ago I married the love of my life, my best friend and soulmate. It is hard to believe this is the 4th anniversary of our special day that I have spent alone, celebrating our love alone. We would have been making plans to go to our favorite restaurant and looking forward to spending the evening celebrating. The last year we spent it together, I had the day off and we drove around all day and went to the places we had lived and talked about the time and things that had happened in a particular place, it was a good day. It is so hard not having him here to remember with and I don't believe it will get any easier either. I miss him so much and love him so much, that sometimes I don't feel like I can breath. I'm remembering that wonderful day with all my heart along with every other day we had together. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 Joyce, I know how very hard thes days are. The 4th anniversary without Al is coming very soon for me and I am dreading it. We were married for 15 years and I miss him so very much. I do not think there is an easy way to get thru it. Remembering things makes it harder for me because I do not have that love and closeness any more. No one can come close to filling that place in my heart. Joyce, I hope you can have some peace on this special day. Know we are thinking of you. Gin 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 Joyce, really feeling for you today. I know there is nothing we can do but tell you.....you are not alone in our minds. I know you loved Dale with every fiber of your being. 💖 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TomPB Posted October 24, 2018 Report Share Posted October 24, 2018 Joyce, I know, been there twice now. So painful to realize "til death do us part" is real and not just a phrase in a ritual. I hope your higher power gives you strength 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 24, 2018 Report Share Posted October 24, 2018 Joyce, I just went through it five days ago. No one else remembers, calls, or says anything, we hold them in our hearts on the day...alone. And you're right, time does little to help us with the day. The day will always be a significant one to us, as we look back on and remember not only our wedding day, but the anniversaries and sharing in the years since. To know that other person isn't here to share in the memories with us is hard. I know wherever he is, he also carries the torch. He may not be able to talk to me, I may not be able to see him, but it comforts me that he exists...somewhere out there, and we still belong together. it lends "to death do us part" a whole new meaning when we realize just how "apart" this can feel, how alone we feel as we carry this... You're definitely in my thoughts. I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2018 Thank you to all of you for your kind words, they did help me get through yesterday, now just continue to fight to get through the rest of the days of my life! Hugs to all, wish they could be in person. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 24, 2018 Report Share Posted October 24, 2018 On 10/23/2018 at 11:43 AM, brat#2 said: I miss him so much and love him so much, that sometimes I don't feel like I can breath. Joyce, I don't know how we can keep from hurting. Sometimes I am sure I am going crazy because 54 years of familiarity make it where I can still imagine I hear him move around for just a nanosecond and then I get back in my body. I realize there is a hollow feeling and an emptiness that will stay that way, nothing we can do. I do stupid things like leaving September on the calendar and yesterday I turned it to November. There was no October this year. My feet hit the floor as soon as my brain realizes it is time to get up, and still sometimes after three years, I feel him on the other side of the bed, just another nanosecond. I three finger kiss his picture that smiles at me, but he had such wonderful high cheekbones and sweet soft hands. He would scold me, "a man does not have sweet soft hands" but Billy did. And, that is enough said. Happy Anniversary anyhow.. Why do we put "happy" in front of things? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted October 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2018 Marg, I don't know why we put "happy" in front of things, they sure aren't anymore, but I guess old habits are hard to break! I know exactly what you mean by for the nanosecond that you think you hear him moving or feel him next to you, I do to, so you are not crazy or alone in that feeling. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 24, 2018 Report Share Posted October 24, 2018 At 76-now, with a mom having had Alzheimer's, I do get anxiety for another of those nanoseconds. When Billy was here we were ageless. He was not old. In fact, he would get out of sorts if you mentioned getting old to him. Well, he does not have to worry about that now, but when he left I immediately became old, decrepit, mean, just plain ancient. But, if he was here I would not be.......even if the years tell another story. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted October 25, 2018 Report Share Posted October 25, 2018 I know exactly how you both feel. It seems like I’m rapidly aging, and granted, we would both be 4 years older. But we would be older together. I’ll be 63 in a few weeks and it feels more than a decade more. I have to keep doing some things that I know make things worse. I was at the dollar store today and bought another grabber for the back of the house. Seems like yesterday I could sit cross legged on the floor. Didn’t need to ask for help buying bottled water. Could crawl in and out of my car to vacuum dog hair and do the windows. Now I drop a pen or something and go....sh*t! Of course now that it hurts, I drop more things. As for thinking he is here, one evening I must have really forgotten as I was talking about something and knew he couldn’t hear me in the living room and said.....hold on, I’ll be right there and tell you. I’m used to him not being there when I wake up, but in that twilight doze just before my mind fills of things to tell him. But the pillow is still bare and the bed cold on that side. Ice cold. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 25, 2018 Report Share Posted October 25, 2018 I have a giant bear that the kids got me soon after Billy left. Does not resemble him, won't talk back, but he is soft and furry, Billy was all angular and not furry. I don't cuddle with it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2018 Report Share Posted October 25, 2018 The pastor that did George's funeral brought me a huge stuffed bear, said I needed a big one to take up George's side of the bed. It didn't help, I gave it away. It was a sweet thought but... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olemisfit Posted October 25, 2018 Report Share Posted October 25, 2018 12 hours ago, Gwenivere said: 12 hours ago, Gwenivere said: I know exactly how you both feel. It seems like I’m rapidly aging, and granted, we would both be 4 years older. But we would be older together. I’ll be 63 in a few weeks and it feels more than a decade more. I have to keep doing some things that I know make things worse. I was at the dollar store today and bought another grabber for the back of the house. Seems like yesterday I could sit cross legged on the floor. Didn’t need to ask for help buying bottled water. Could crawl in and out of my car to vacuum dog hair and do the windows. Now I drop a pen or something and go....sh*t! Of course now that it hurts, I drop more things. As for thinking he is here, one evening I must have really forgotten as I was talking about something and knew he couldn’t hear me in the living room and said.....hold on, I’ll be right there and tell you. I’m used to him not being there when I wake up, but in that twilight doze just before my mind fills of things to tell him. But the pillow is still bare and the bed cold on that side. Ice cold. Gwen, your first 2 comments that I changed the color of made me laugh at myself. I can remember what it used to be like to get back up off the floor sooooooo easily. Now I have to get on my knees (which itself can be a struggle on bad days), crawl on my knees til I get to something to support myself when I struggle to get the rest of the way up. I'm 6'3", so it's a long way down to that dern floor. Ditto about dropping things. I've always been a bit on the clumsy side, but anymore everything I pick up is coated in crisco. I think I have a good grip on things and they just slip right out of my fingers. If I threw everything away that I drop these days I wouldn't have anything left. And I do know what you mean about the empty bed. I had to leave our (I still think in terms of "our", "we", and "us") king size bed behind when I left the Houston area last year. The hurricane Harvey flood ruined everything that Cookie and I always thought was important. It's amazing how much water a mattress can soak up! When I landed back up here in Oklahoma I replaced it with a queen size bed. But even the smaller queen size has a big empty spot on it every night. My little dog sleeps there now, but oh how I wish it was Cookie. The things we got so used to and I suppose took for granted all those years our loves were still with us. Life was so wonderful then. Now what I have isn't a life. It's just an existence. Oh well, one foot in front of the other, I guess... Darrel 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 26, 2018 Report Share Posted October 26, 2018 Me too, Darrel, after I suffered that fall 1 1/2 years ago...if anyone saw what I have to go through to get back up...it's not a pretty picture! But perhaps a bit comical if someone was to look in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn G Posted October 27, 2018 Report Share Posted October 27, 2018 Isn't it awful? Even after the years go by, we never stop missing them and the things we did with them. Your beloved spouse is irreplaceable. No other human being and nothing can fill their space in your life. I find that it helps to be distracted in those times that I feel my husband's absence, with something simple I enjoy, something to take my mind off of the void. But what helps me the most is to thank God for the wonderful man that He gave me to have all to myself for all those years. When I do that, I'm usually filled with joy and happy memories, and God lets me know that He is near to fill in all my empty places with Himself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 28, 2018 Report Share Posted October 28, 2018 14 hours ago, Dawn G said: But what helps me the most is to thank God for the wonderful man that He gave me to have all to myself for all those years. Yes. Even with all the pain we go through now, I gladly go through it if it means having those years we had together. I wouldn't change any of it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted October 28, 2018 Report Share Posted October 28, 2018 On 10/23/2018 at 1:43 PM, brat#2 said: I miss him so much and love him so much, that sometimes I don't feel like I can breath. Dear Joyce, I´m sorry to be late in posting on your post. I understand your feelings very well. I miss my boyfriend so so so much. I often see him in my dreams and I hold him and tell him I love you, I miss you, please stay with me. I guess once the heart is broken from a soulmate´s death, nothing can ever be and feel the same again. We are thinking of you. Ana 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Posted May 4, 2019 Report Share Posted May 4, 2019 Our wedding day was the happiest day of my life. It's only been five months since my loving wife Rene'e passed. She passed away just shy of two months after our wedding day on Nov. 30th right before what would have been our first Christmas together. I have a real tough time opening the freezer because of the wedding cake we placed there for our one year anniversary. I is still there today. I can not bring myself to even think of doing anything with it. When I try to think of our first year anniversary date coming up without her, I feel as if I'm dying inside. I can not imagine what I will do on that day. I can only pray that I am not alone because I do not feel strong enough to face it. My favorite wedding picture is a picture of her and I driving away from the Church wedding Chapel in the convertible with our hands clasped raised above our heads smiling at friends and family. My eyes are closed and in that moment I was praying for us to have a long and happy marriage together. That is what I wanted more than anything in this world. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted May 4, 2019 Report Share Posted May 4, 2019 Beautiful picture. I have no wisdom about that anniversary and it’s so sad you didn’t even get one. I had to move some things so I wouldn’t keep seeing them for a long time. I have the last bottle of wine Steve opened in the fridge. I’m sure it’s long gone bad but it will stay there forever probably. My circumstances are different so if it were gone it would cause me distress. Maybe you need to move that cake to a place more out of sight. It’s clear you aren’t ready and just because your anniversary is coming, nothing says you have to do anything. It’s all on your emotional clock. Years ago watching The Sopranos, one character kept his wife’s last pasta dish in the freezer. It was years before he finally thawed and ate it. Wedding cake IS a tough one tho. Such significance. My heart goes out to you. 💕 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 4, 2019 Report Share Posted May 4, 2019 Johnny, I have no advice. I know it is tough, very tough. I hope you aren't alone on that day either. Wedding anniversaries remain painful to me, I don't know what to do with them. I'd thought I'd go back to where we had our honeymoon...I couldn't. Now the place is torn down and that's never an option again. I do know that your wedding day remains the happiest day of your life, I'm so glad the two of you got to experience that. The same with us. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted May 4, 2019 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2019 Johnny, wedding anniversaries are especially difficult because they were such a happy day and now they bring such sadness. Just do what feels right to you and hope you don't have to spend it alone. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shebert56 Posted May 4, 2019 Report Share Posted May 4, 2019 My 10th wedding anniversary was Thursday. I will always mark those as "my xxx anniversary" instead of "would have been my xxx anniversary." The days before that date were horrible with anticipatory grief. The actual day I held very close to my heart with gratitude and no grief. I am recognizing that for me, the unknown is worst than the actual event. Stephen was raised Russian Orthodox. His mother gifted all of her children with two small beautiful gold guilded glass framed religious icons. He never hung them as neither he nor I had a preference for religious items. I have pondered what to do with these items for some time now. A neighbor down the road from me, older couple, I discovered are very loving of icons and was told have many hanging in their home. Our neighborhood had its annual garage sale, so I walked over with these icons and approached her. I explained the significance of them, that I lost my husband, that although they may not be orthodox, she might like to have them. She and her husband are Ukranian Catholic. When she saw the upraised writing on one of the icons, and read it out loud, she turned to me with delight and said "It's written in Ukranian." (Stephen's ancestry is Russian.) I cannot tell you how full my heart was walking home. Knowing that these meaningful things to Stephen are now in the hands of someone to whom they are also meaningful. There are no coincidences. So at the end of what was a tough beginning of the week ended in full gratitude. I wish all of you moments of peace and gratitude. ~Shirley 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widow'15 Posted May 5, 2019 Report Share Posted May 5, 2019 8 hours ago, brat#2 said: Just do what feels right to you and hope you don't have to spend it alone. Johnny: I wholeheartedly agree with brat#2 - "do what feels right to you and hope you don't have to spend it alone". So sorry you are having to face this. Dee 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 5, 2019 Report Share Posted May 5, 2019 17 hours ago, shebert56 said: Knowing that these meaningful things to Stephen are now in the hands of someone to whom they are also meaningful. Shirley, I'm so glad for you! You found a perfect solution and I'm so glad. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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