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I thought I knew what grief was or how I would handle losing someone I love because I have lost before older family members and a couple friends. My response was to cry and be sad then move on.

On October 4 I got a phone call that has changed everything for me. My best friends daughter who just turned 19 was found murdered. I had a special relationship with her she came to me with all the stuff she wouldn’t want to tell her parents. I helped raise her as her mom was a single parent and 19 herself when she had her. 

Now I have no control over anything I cycle from can’t stop crying to feeling as if I am not in my body and this is someone else’s life. I’m not functional although I try to hold it together as I am a parent to young kids and have a partner and career. This has completely knocked me down and all my defences are useless. I came here to not feel alone in this and to maybe feel as if I’m not actually losing my mind.

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What you are feeling is normal under the circumstances, but feels anything but.  I am so sorry for your loss and especially the way it happened.  I can't imagine.


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My dear, I am so very sorry for your loss, and I can assure you that you are NOT losing your mind. You are reacting to the traumatic loss of someone dearly loved.

Your story reminds me of two articles that I hope you will find informative and helpful. Please be sure to follow the links to some of the additional resources mentioned in each:

Mourning a Sister’s Only Child: “Where Do I Fit In?”

Traumatic Loss: Surviving A Child’s Homicide

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