RosaM Posted November 15, 2018 Report Share Posted November 15, 2018 My father and I have not had a very good relationship. He was manipulative, controlling, a narcissist. Before my mother finally left him for good, he was verbally and physically abusive. He was an alcholic and a drug addict as well as a womanizer. To his credit, he did get sober. However, he was still a narcissist, controlling, manipulative and very negative. It took me several years to get out from under his control. His health has been bad most of my life, so hearing that he may not make it again, was not alarming to me. I had always figured my dad was like a cockroach that would still be alive long after a nuclear disaster. I honestly believed that when he died, I would either have no reaction or I'd feel relieved. This has not been the case. Instead, I have been overwhelmed with so many emotions, anger, relief, sincere sadness, guilt.. this guilt isn't what you normally think of, it isn't feeling guilty for wishing I'd done something more to help him (there are 3 of us kids and I was the only one who still helped our dad, visited and called, ran errands...) this guilt I feel is for feeling sad that he's passed away. I have been so angry and hurt by him that now I actually get angry with myself for feeling sad about his passing. I feel guilty for feeling sad and that upsets me. I never dreamed I'd have such a difficult time with his death and yet here I am, seemingly unable to figure out how to deal with these emotions. Is there anyone else that has had a similar situation? Please don't get me wrong, I love my father, without him, I would not be. I did not like the things he did, but he was still my dad. I sound bitter because of the history but I have never forsaken my father. He no longer had complete control over me, but I still honored him and took care of him. Why do I feel guilty for feeling sad? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now