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The holidays are sadly and painfully here.  

This thanksgiving I want to say I thank the Lord above for all of you precious friends here.  We all have the same loss.  It’s the worst way to become friends and “family” but it’s the safest place for many of us.  So thank you all for your love you’ve showed me and my family.  

Love and hugs

Katie-girl, Caleb, and Ryan.  

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I too would like to give thanks for all of you here. I’ve gained much in the way of understanding that I am not “wrong”, and that I have every right to grieve in my own way and in my own time. I recognize myself in one way or another in so many posts I read, and gain the bit of strength I need each day to press on. 

For each and every one of us I pray:

May we all be healthy

May we all be safe

May we all find peace

May we all have some happiness in our lives.

 

 

 

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10 minutes ago, CairnLady said:

I too would like to give thanks for all of you here. I’ve gained much in the way of understanding that I am not “wrong”, and that I have every right to grieve in my own way and in my own time. I recognize myself in one way or another in so many posts I read, and gain the bit of strength I need each day to press on. 

For each and every one of us I pray:

May we all be healthy

May we all be safe

May we all find peace

May we all have some happiness in our lives.

 

 

 

Amen to that. Well said

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Katie,

You sweet sweet girl, to think of us and be thankful in the midst of all you're enduring.  We can only say that we love you and are glad you're part of us...just not for the reason/circumstances.  Life is indeed strange.  This place has enriched my life and although I can never be glad for the reason, I'm definitely glad I found this place in the midst of my sorrow.

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8 hours ago, kayc said:

Katie,

You sweet sweet girl, to think of us and be thankful in the midst of all you're enduring.  We can only say that we love you and are glad you're part of us...just not for the reason/circumstances.  Life is indeed strange.  This place has enriched my life and although I can never be glad for the reason, I'm definitely glad I found this place in the midst of my sorrow.

kayc:  So beautifully stated to Katie.  Your beautiful thoughts seem to flow so lovingly. 

I know for sure I am happy I found this place.  And, I wish each and everyone of you some peace as we have to walk this path without our dear ones at our side.  Dee

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I'm finally at peace with it.  My Love up in heaven, he'll be with me alone on Thanksgiving, even while I'm with my son's family and my daughter...we'll quietly have our connection and I know he's with me.  But that doesn't mean there's not times when it's a real struggle and tears are shed!

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@kayc, what a great outlook.  Of course we miss their physical presence.  George's spirit will be with you just as Stephen's will be with me.   The spirits of our loved ones will be with us all. 💗

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I've always had the tradition of addressing Christmas cards over Thanksgiving weekend, then mail them the first week of December.  I woke up and decided to carry on this tradition.  I went right out to pick up cards and signed them Shirley & Stephen, with Stephen's name surrounded by an outline of a heart.  He still is, and always will be, a part of my heart, and I intend to acknowledge that for him and for me.  

And when I was finished, it just felt so right.

~Shirley

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I miss my Allen.  There just aren’t enough words.  This was his favorite holiday.  He would do most of the cooking.  He loved family all around. It’s a sad day. Now.  😢

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Katie, there's no words adequate, I know you miss him.  There is no understanding any of this.  I only hope you find something good today, even if only for a second.  May your children smile at you.

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21 hours ago, shebert56 said:

I went right out to pick up cards and signed them Shirley & Stephen,

Thank you Katie-girl.  I hope you all can have a good Thanksgiving.  We learn to use words we would not ordinarily use.   We love you.

I always sign my cards the way I always signed them.  Billy liked to have his name first.  He had a big ego, and I loved him for that too.  

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I haven’t signed cards with Steve’s name since he left.  I know we do these things for ourself and them, but I know the receivers would think me more insane than I already am.  I miss it.  Just like today, I miss him and our normal Thanksgiving.  No where to go.  Everything is closed except Jack in the Box where I’ll be picking up my dinner.  I feel like a shadow in the world.  

I did have an odd experience in the grocery store yesterday.  An older woman came up to tell me they were serving Thanksgiving dinner at a church close by.  We ran into each other again but I didn’t think to ask why she told me that. Maybe she could see my anguish amid the last minute shoppers?  I’m so used to feeling invisible.

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Our church also served TG dinner to people and took meals to shut ins.  Perhaps she noticed you were alone so she offered that bit of information.  I spent 5 1/2 hours driving yesterday to be there only four hours.  My son is on me again about spending the night on Christmas...he already knows the reasons I can't, no one to watch Arlie at Christmas and I don't want to leave him overnight outside in that cold of weather, plus my house gets too cold if I'm not there to keep the fire going, and I can't bring Arlie because his dog attacks him.  He should extend the invitations in the summertime, not the winter.

 

 

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Kay,

Thinking maybe you should have a "Christmas In July" celebration like some of the stores do. I know we love our dogs, but they put a damper on things sometime. Would be difficult if we ever decided to take even a short trip unless we took 2 vehicles. Although my truck is big, 2 big dogs and a person would not do well in the back seat. Guess we are homebodies by choice.

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Just back from brother's in CT, sleeping in the same spare bedroom where Susan and I would sleep together. It was fine, I had moments of feeling like I belonged, and unlike last year I didn't have a major grief attack.  Maybe I was a little numb. Then walking home from the train I looked at the huge full moon and thought, I don't know who I am anymore, what am i doing here?

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47 minutes ago, TomPB said:

Then walking home from the train I looked at the huge full moon and thought, I don't know who I am anymore, what am i doing here?

TomPB:  Funny you shared this as this is exactly how I felt yesterday spending Thanksgiving Dinner with a neighbor.  I did my best to be part of the kind neighbor's Holiday celebration and I am Thankful I was invited.  But once back home I asked myself , "Really, who am I anymore?".  At least now, I know I am not loosing my mind.  Hopefully, I will soon have an answer.  Thanks for sharing.

Dee

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36 minutes ago, widow'15 said:

TomPB:  Funny you shared this as this is exactly how I felt yesterday spending Thanksgiving Dinner with a neighbor.  I did my best to be part of the kind neighbor's Holiday celebration and I am Thankful I was invited.  But once back home I asked myself , "Really, who am I anymore?".  At least now, I know I am not loosing my mind.  Hopefully, I will soon have an answer.  Thanks for sharing.

Dee

Dee, good to hear that I'm not alone, makes sense that we have some of the same grief reactions....but hey, maybe  it means we're both losing our minds.

Tom🐼

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I experience this every day.  Wake up with no perspective.  Get out a bit and think maybe I’m still me in more ways than I think. Then I come home and it’s back to that 'who am I anymore'.  It does feel like insanity.  Being 2 people but neither is complete.  Their justvroles I swap.  I had a conversation with a woman at a store for almost half an hour.  I don’t know who that was talking to her because she vanished when it was done.  It’s all peaks and valleys and I like consistent terrain.  Maybe a detour now and then, but not like this.  

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13 hours ago, TomPB said:

what am i doing here? 

I say this to myself often.  I exist in my home and go through the motions of going to work etc. doing daily chores and tasks but all the time wondering, "Why am I still here?"  Can't make up my mind whether to sell this place or stay longer.  Maybe this is what the old concept of "limbo" is like.

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Sounds like how my daughter has been feeling lately.  She feels like she doesn't know anything anymore.  Confused and overwhelmed.  I don't know why life singles out some people to go through hardship and others to have it easy.  

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