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Hello all

thanks for the space as I have nowhere to run.

recently I found out that my father is not well and I don’t know what to do.

i live in another country and there’s not much I can do besides helping financially and do all the research I can but again, I’m not there and is really hard.

it’s been almost a week and I’m rally struggling to carry on with normal activities , the very little I do comes as a massive effort together with confusion.

not sure if anyone is or has been in the same situation, if so I would love to chat.


thanks a lot for yiuur time, space and information.

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I'm so sorry to learn of your dad's serious illness, and the feelings of helplessness and having nowhere to turn that go with this disturbing news.

You say you don't know what to do, but I think it helps to understand what you may be feeling and why, so I invite you to read the following, in hopes that some of the information will be useful to you:

Anticipatory Grief and Mourning

Anticipatory Grief and Mourning: Suggested Resources

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Thank you so much for this Marty, there’s a lot of information here for sure and i’ll Go through as much as I can.

It doesn’t help the fact that my family is not telling me everything and because I’m abroad, I can’t just pop by and check the tests and severity of things myself making me feel completely impotent.

I asked my father to send me his tests but he still hasn’t done it as I want to get a second opinion from another doctor, not sure if he’s not sending it to me to not freak me out more or something else.

All the help I could give from a distance was given, as I know I can’t go much further as it will start putting my stability under risk, so I’m at peace with it, still deep inside I believe I have that line of thought imagining that I could operate a miracle or maybe to expect for one.

My plan, if life allows, is to get there around April/May to see him and sort out all the practical things, documents and leave everything ready as I’m sure no one over there is really thinking of it... anyway things are too overwhelming right now and having this space to talk and find information is great.

Would be great to know about other people’s similar experiences.

Thanks x

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I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.  Sometimes when we want so much to change a situation, it can be hard to accept our limitations.  You seems to be doing everything you can, now if they'll just be up front with you and provide the information you've requested.  Be open with them about how it makes you feel, being kept in the dark about something so important, it could be they have a misguided sense of protecting you out of your distance that will hopefully change once you're able to be there.  Good luck to you.

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