Girlfriend of 6 years ended us after Mothers death

[Rae1991]

23 hours ago, kayc said:

It's kind of like withdrawal, it really is.  At first the pain is tremendous.  We went no contact immediately after he broke up with me, and that gave me a chance for healing and once my head cleared I had better clarity.  That enabled us to be friends later on, otherwise it wouldn't have worked.  And it doesn't work in many cases, you have to both be on the same page, no mixed messages or secretly hoping for something else.  If that's the case, better off staying no contact forever.  

Your peace of mind is the most important thing.  Give yourself time to heal.  This reminds me a bit of dieting...sugar is addictive.  It takes two weeks to get it out of your system.  So if instead of getting off it finally and completely you dapple with it and "let yourself have a little bit" once every two weeks, you are self-sabotaging and making it harder on yourself, that's just enough to keep the addiction going!  Better to go off completely and finally.

Everything Kayc said!

It is like a withdrawal, and it is excruciating, mentally and in some ways physically. It could be this way a few weeks, or a month or two, but eventually, you will stop crying every day. With things like this, you need to go "cold turkey." There's no easy way out, you just have to rip the band-aid off, and you've already taken the first necessary step in the right direction. I felt this exact way when both Joe and Tim left me, like I was drowning in sadness that would never end, but eventually, the tears did dry and I stopped obsessing about getting back together, and started focusing my hurt into other productive things: my own self-worth and self-care. It takes time, but its worth it in the end. I am friends with Joe now, after exiting his life for about 4.5 years and creating distance. We chat every once in a while, are FB friends and have gone to dinner on occasion when I visit home, but that's all it ever will be again. I don't see him as the man I was meant to be with and/or marry anymore, now, he's just a boy I once loved from my past. I haven't spoken to Tim in 3 years, and truthfully, I am fine if we never do again, he made it clear that he was untrustworthy and flaky, and I don't want friends that I can't trust.

--Rae 

[kayc]

I am friends with most of my exes, if they're horrible, no, I don't want horrible friends.    But if they're good people and we weren't meant to be together but still enjoy each other's company, I talk to or see them occasionally.    But always we've had a period of no contact after break up, could be a few months or many years even.