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Grief Healing and growth after Shock and AWE


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  • 3 weeks later...

My Journey continues... May is usually the roughest month for me because of so many life events.  You can scroll through previous years posts for that.  This year as it is my sixth trip around the calendar without my beloved Rose Anne, I decided to just let the month of May roll in and out without much fanfare.... Well that was the plan anyway,.  Just feel the feelings and keep moving forward.  Of course May 1st was important because of having to making decisions about Medicare options, etc... I have never been reminded so much about my age or that focused on a number.  I've decided I'll just hold at this age for the rest of my life.

I went to my Cardiologist to get clearance for an elective surgery but the doctor wants to postpone it because of my stents and the medications.  My Endocrinologist says my thyroid function is fine yet I still have some annoying symptoms.  I am fortunate to be able to work .

I installed my window air conditioner today as the temps went up into the 90's and it is 85 in the rest of the home. I will be able to sleep comfortably tonight.  I hope to get my Home AC repaired soon!

Life continues to march forward one day at a time and I strive to do my best each day. Stay safe everyone.  Shalom (Peace)

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These are good reports...all except for the postponement of the procedure you've been waiting for for so long now.  I hope they decide to proceed sooner rather than later!  Wishing you nothing but the best!

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  • 6 months later...

Happy Anniversary to my beloved bride, Rose Anne. 31 yrs ago today. We both said I do and we did. It is the sweetest memory of our union. We are separated by flesh but not by the Spirit. " I'll see you in Heaven!" - Shalom

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You got to spend your lifetime together and it was beautiful.  Wish it could have been longer...all of us do.  At least we have that hope of seeing them again!  This is but a blip of time in the overall scheme of things...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Merry Christmas! 2020 has been an interesting year? This is the sixth Christmas with much mixed emotions.  I continue each day to keep pressing forward to the mark set before me.  I am fortunate to be able to work especially this year. I'm thankful this group was here for me in my darkest hours after the sudden death of my beloved wife.  I'm still learning to accept things as they are as how they should be... learning to manage my expectations. Take care my friends. - Shalom(Peace)

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True enough, I think all expectations were sucked out of me years ago as the hits just keep on coming, but I love your attitude, thank you for that!  Merry Christmas, my friend/s!

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So glad you checked in, George.  The years keep rolling by, each with new challenges.  I think we will always be learning.  Can’t wait to say goodbye to 2020.  Not sure what the next will hold, but we never are.  More of this for a considerable time tho.  My seventh year with mixed emotions.  Goes with the territory.  Not fond of it, but I get the drill after all this time.  Quite energy consuming.  Wish I felt like even uttering merry wishes, but I don’t.  I am grateful for this place and every one of you.  💖

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You get some Merry Wishes thrown at ya anyway, Gwen. Please take care and know that there's folks here who truly care. I read your posts every day, and they mean something to me because I understand. Annette was in constant pain, so I know how hard life is for you. Just to have somebody who is suffering the way she did breaks my heart, but also brings out a protective instinct. There's not much I can do except tell you that someone cares. You are not your pain and the body that has let you down. You're a beautiful woman with the heart of a young girl who wishes they could be free from their disabilities. Your mind and your soul are still young and I hope there's a miracle for you- whether it's a small unexpected joy or rememberence of better times or an hour pain free: where there's life there's hope, until you can be with your soul mate again. I have no doubt they're waiting for us. It will make all this pain worth it. 

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2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I am grateful for this place and every one of you.  💖

Gwen:  Yes, so grateful for you and every one here.  I wish you a Blessed Christmas even though it is almost over for this year.  Give Melody a Special Holiday kiss.  Hugs to you both, Dee

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Consider it done, Dee.  This year can’t end soon enough.  Too much for everyone, here and out there.  I live with a level of constant anxiety.  Seems everyone is.  Wish there were a magic bullet for that.  I wish you had Maddie to snuggle you.  If ever a time you need her, it’s now.  This year has been too cruel to too many.  It’s the ties like here and your families that we cling to.  Much love.  ❤️

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James, I agree.  And along with everyone else, I, too can't wait for this year to end...except it means year end stuff I hate (Treasury position) and I can't wait to have that over with!   NOT looking forward to that.  They make it harder and harder.  I liked it better in the days we could do it by hand rather than on line as sometimes their websites don't cooperate.

 

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You know what else is going to be a pain too?  Taxes.  Just get past the holidays and have to prepare for that and I dread it every year.  Steve set up so many investments I have to use a an accountant so have to wait on all the statements and fill out a huge questionnaire for her.  That was his job.  I’ve gotten so impatient from my emotional struggles that doing his stuff really angers me now.  Add in the switch to Medicare and navigating that mess drives me bonkers.  In a month I’ll have to refill all my RX's and it’s going to be a nightmare.  Letters for some brand drugs, costs higher with the new coinsurance, forms to send in......arg.  I shouldn’t complain but I want to.  Phooey to keeping it inside.   I have to deal with my decling health and intense reactions to the worst holidays ever.  Sucks being a grown up all by myself now.  Is it acceptable to keep saying I want him back?   Hope so because that’s my most intense emotion.

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  • 2 weeks later...
13 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

missing those who’ve been kinda quiet.

Haha, never me!  :D

Maybe George will check in today, his only day off...

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  • 4 weeks later...

UPDATE - I've been busy working and dealing with life on life's terms.  I'm thankful that  I saved enough of an emergency fund to repair and re-shingle my roof. Repairmen are planning to start work next week however rain is predicted (thankfully not snow) for the next few days. I still need to get my hernia repaired, and I will not be able to perform physical work for 2-6 weeks. I'm looking for a work partner and there are several challenges with this (state mandatory payroll increases, additional insurance requirements, training, etc...).

I have had several dreams about Rose Anne this month that seemed so real and peaceful.  I seem to miss her more as time travels forward. I still get those flash memories of her that cause me to tear and cry.  Being away from her presence is still difficult although manageable now. Her heaven birthday is this month on the 16th - 6 years. 

I discovered that wearing face masks cause my blood pressure to go up. I had a routine exam with my endocrinologist, and he wanted to immediately put me on blood pressure medication. The good news is I took my blood pressure at home several times, and it is in a good range 110/65. (No mask/No doctor's visits) The doctor took me off of my low dose thyroid medicine, and I'll be retested in a few months.   Hang in or at least hold on as we press forward to the mark set before us. - Shalom (Peace)

 

 

 

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Great to hear from you,George.  Sounds like it’s going to be very noisy at your house with the roofing.

Just passed my 6th anniversary with Steve and it’s still intense as always without him.  I understand how you have that feeling about your Rose Anne.  We’re never going to stop missing them.  How can it ever become easier without our dearest person?

I’m sorry your facing surgery, but glad you didn’t have to add pills for blood pressure.  Maybe you can kick the thyroid meds too,  I’d love to, but I’m looking at increases which are hard. trickiest med I’ve ever come across.   

Keep checking in, miss your input. 🦋

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That's great about your BP!  I'd wondered what you'd do about your business if you have surgery, don't want to lose those customers!  Your eating/living healthy is working and your thyroid can attest to it!  All good news!

At least the roofing shouldn't require you to DO anything.  I wish I had a date when they'd start replacing the back of my garage, it drives me nuts to not be able to PLAN for it, I'd rest easier.  ;)  

You are in my prayers as you face the 16th...

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Happy Heavenly Birthday my beloved Rose Anne. It's been six years since you departed Earth. I'm looking forward to the time we can see each other again. - I love you more each day and as we told each other many times, "I'll see you in Heaven" - SHALOM(PEACE)

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