Gingerlove Posted January 21, 2019 Report Share Posted January 21, 2019 Hello fellow animal lovers! It has taken me a long time before getting back some senses to be able to write about what happened. Like many of you, especially the ones who suffered a traumatic, unexpected loss of your pet, I went through (and still going through) the whole loss of reality, denial, anger etc... cycle. Talking about it, not talking about it, let the hurting feelings flow, not letting them flow..... all of it an attempt to hide the big wound and the emptiness felt in my heart. All of it an attempt to "show" my dear Ginger how sorry I am, as if then it would bring him back to me. In this part of the world where I currently live, it is not easy at all to keep a cat happy and healthy. The first three years of Ginger's life, it was - I guess - the most ideal, as I still lived in a house with a green yard right outside, and the small greenery area is far away from roads. I would slowly introduce him to the space outside the house, then, he learnt how to open the windows, through observing me opening them. He would open the window, run out in the night, and often come back with preys such as insects, a half bird... I have been proud to keep him well fed, loved and also somehow keeping his cat instincts alive. The following three years, I moved to living in condos. The first one is a small studio. The next was a nice apartment with a lot of sunshine. At the beginning, I thought there is no way my dear Ginger can walk outside anymore. But he got fat, especially in the small studio. I was also afraid that he would get bored, as I go out a lot and when I am away at work he would be completely alone in that tiny apartment. Two years ago me and my fiance, while walking my dear cat on a leash, we lost him when he suddenly heard some noise, and shook off his collar and leash. I searched for him for 7 days and 7 nights. Despair. Counting on luck. But I stay determined. I found him finally and he called back when I called him finally. He called and called, so I could locate where the meow sound came from. He was hiding in a hole that he dug. Two years later. July 2nd, 2018 - in the late afternoon, while I was resting at home, my partner says "let's take Ginger for a quick walk". We have been practicing, also many times we simply did not walk him, if I was tired. This time, I was heavily pregnant. I was going to give birth in a month. Everything happened really fast. This part is what I now play in my mind over and over. I'm told that I clearly have PTSD. I felt something was wrong but could not tell, like a gut feeling but not strong enough. Once we are downstairs, outside the building, in our residential park, I don't remember clearly but only the parts that led to losing Ginger. I was given the leash suddenly, I felt unsure but took it, because we have been practicing for two years carefully. Because I thought I can do it, we both thought it should be fine. My beloved Ginger saw a big dog, who was not leashed in a corner. When I saw the dog, I was frozen, I then either did not have enough grasp to hold onto the leash, or I was not fast enough. It is a harness-collar-leash. This was the last time I saw my dear Ginger, him running away into the bushes. We spent a whole month to search for him, day and night, in the middle of the night, daybreak... I went under the rain... My dear cat responded to our calls only once, from 3 days and times. Each time, as we go near the vague area where we heard him, no more answering. When he called out to me the last time, July 22nd morning, there are some neighbors walking their dogs. I didn't bring the "cat transportation bag", and with the big dogs present, I thought I should come back 30 minutes later. NO luck. Early August, I gave birth. Overjoyed and excited. Family times. In the month of August, we had less time to look for him, but we leave cat food around where we last heard him, every morning. August 22nd late evening, I receive a message from a neighbor who work as volunteer for cats and dogs. Someone who is aware of my missing cat, saw a cat climbing up hill near the park... and this person called the vet center immediately. Normally this was a very kind and great thing to do. The vet center sent their driver to try and catch him. That evening, only a young vet was available. This vet decided to put him down, after trying to give him gaz mask, and then another injection of pain killer, to try and help him breath (??) I cannot really talk about it anymore. We saw him the next day only. My brave cat lost weight but wasn't skinny. We think that he had done a great job using his cat instincts to survive. This is just so unlucky. I've been blaming us since then. Almost six months now, the pain is real. It is basically impossible to think that my dear Ginger is gone. At a moment when I really want him to cheer with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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