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Cookie

I've been in pup-world....

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Well, it's been a while since I've been on here.  Start missing you all and the honest exchanges.  I got a poodle pup named Rio and have been immersed in him.  One thing I wasn't expecting was the grief it caused.  I thought I would feel satisfied and comforted (which I am a little), but this whole experience has made me miss John so much and it's hurting really bad all over again.  The first weeks were the worst, and now things are better as I'm getting used to doing this alone and he is such a loveable, sweet pup, full of tremendous energy, though.  Not having John to share it with is so hard.  Cookie

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I'm glad you got your poodle and hope you have a long wonderful relationship with Rio!  Dogs can be the greatest company.  I know it's hard, being the first one w/o John, but you'll find you grow close to each other as companions, at least it sure worked for me that way with Arlie!  Congratulations!  Pictures...:P

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Had the same thing happen when I got my golden.  You are not alone in your feelings.  Great dog but HE is missing.  Don’t hardly take pictures of her anymore.  Did when she was a puppy, but Steve did all the time with the kids.  She’s 4 now and a very loving dog, but I don’t have that family feeling.  Sometimes I feel bad bad I don’t love her in the same way as prior kids.  But we can only feel what we feel.  I often look at her and wonder who she’d be had he had been here.  I’m the trainer, upkeep and disciplinarian.  He was the clown and 3rd dog of the pack.

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I fall into the negative thinking trap that if John were here, somehow the pup would be better, do better, etc.  I think I'm a little depressed too, which kind of blunts feelings such as joy and passion about anything.  I will take good care of this sweetie and love it to the best of my ability.  I think all this takes time.  Not sleeping well again.  Has anyone ever taken gabapentin for sleep or anxiety?  I keep reading about it.  I'm always looking for the thing that will magically fix that.....

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Cookie,

Give the pup some time. He will never replace your husband but the one I got about 18 mos after Tom passed I swear is Tom incarnated at times. I've always hated for anyone to touch my feet and the first thing he did was lay on my feet.  It is so nice to have someone to greet me and genuinely be glad to see me to see when I come home at night.  He gives me a purpose.  We play this game at bedtime about whose side of the bed is it and Tom was always a big teaser. He likes to snuggle and try to keep me from going to work.  

How long have you had Rio?  Did you have a dog before.   I know it is cold now but in the spring maybe if your town has a dog park or just walking him may open opportunities for you.

Good luck and be patient.  Remember it's a step at a time to get through this.

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