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Stress And Fear After Loss Of My Husband


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I lost my husband in September 2005 after 35 years of marriage. It was quite sudden - he was only in hospital 5 days, and had never taken a day off sick before. At first I think I must have coped on autopilot - it didn't sink in. But 6 weeks later the reaction suddenly hit me and I started to tremble uncontrollably for hours at a time. The doctor gave me medicines which calmed the trembling, but made me so nauseous I didn't want to eat anything. So after 3 weeks I was very weak, and we tried a different medicine. This seemed better and I began to feel more energy and appetite. But after 4 months I was still taking it and feeling more and more volatile - up when the pills were working, and deeply miserable and exhausted when the dose wore off. The medicine gave me a false energy which made me feel I could do far more than turned out to be wise, and eventually I collapsed exhausted again for 10 days. Now the doctor has told me to stop taking it and I'm feeling calmer and less volatile, but still very stressed. Although I'm basically healthy, every day seems to be governed by a fear of each new symptom. It's been such a roller coaster these last 6 months. At the moment I'm waking up at 4 am every night - I suppose that's part of withdrawing from a sedative - and worrying about my own health. And I know fear makes my symptoms worse when I dwell on them. I'm tired out, and so is my wonderful son who's being helping me cope.

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My doctor prescribed something for me too but I never took it...I think I was afraid of what it'd do and I knew eventually I'd have to live with the situation without pills. It is a terribly hard journey and yours has been further complicated by the toll on your health. Keep on keeping on, it'll get better. Be kind to yourself and do what you can to regain your health and sleep. We're here any time you need to talk.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Towkerman,

I am from Southampton in England and this is my first post.

I sympathise with you so much. My wife died on 19th January this year, she got taken to hospital with a stroke and died the next day. We had been married for 37 years but met when we were both 16 which is a total of 42 years.

After the initial shock I thought I was coping, but then I had a serious bout of flu and a chest infection . I went back to work and tried to get on with things, but the stress and ill health has gradually got worse.

I am now off work with severe depression and anxiety, and have reluctantly started on antidepressants. I have lost a lot of weight and have no appetite.

My anxiety was like yours, related to my own health symptoms and it took a while to recognise the symptoms.

I dont know if I will ever recover, I miss my wife so very much. The problem is I have 3 grown up children and 6 grandchildren and I want to help them, but at the moment I feel as if I am a burden to them.

They say that time heals, but at the moment I am very doubtful.

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I know how you feel, I lost my wife of 11 years April 6th of this year to a heart attack with no warning. I have a 7 year old son. When I am stressed and depressed, I don't have an appitite either, so right now if I eat 1 meal a day I am lucky. I have lost 15 pounds since this has started and I was underwieght to begin with. I went to the doctor shortly after this happened because of depression and not being able to sleep and she prescribed antidepressants and Ambian. Both of which have helped ease the pain. I don't have a good answer as to when it will get better, because I don't know myself being only 8 weeks into this. But I know what you mean about making yourself busy until you drop. That is what I am doing right now, I get home from work get dinner and then start working on repairing the house. If it weren't for my son I would sleep all day on the weekends. I to can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and wonder will it ever end, but I do know that God has a plan for me I just don't know what it is at this point.

Derek

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i decided to post after reading the last two. I can relate, but it is differnt for me, clearly because my husband did not die. My first love did die however when he was only 21, and me being 20..which was 10 months ago. I'm sure a lot of how we feel is differnt, but apparently some similar too. This past summer he died, I was just sad and felt like i was on auto pilot. After going back to college for the first semester, after a week I felt not too bad. My mood raised a little being super busy with school and all my friends. However after awhile home for winter break i started getting depressed and anxious. On and off this past semester has been hard. I eventually (reluctantly) decided to go on anti depressants because of my appetite being so bad. I did not want to lose any more weight. My appetite returned for awhile, the last month or so of school, however now i'm home again and have lost my appetite again. I dont know what to do but there has to be something.

~laura

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l2mchic,

Even though you weren't married, and we were, there will still be a lot of similarities, specially in the way that you feel, and there is nothing wrong with that. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. Some people tell me to eat even if you aren't hungery, but nothing sounds good so I don't eat. I would talk to your doctor about it and see what they will say about it. I understand your feelings, and I am so sorry that you have to go through this at such an early age. In this forum there is a post by me titled "Confussed", one of the replys lists about 41 books that they read dealing with loss and greif. One that I found (I don't know if it is on the list) that has been real helpful is I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can by Linda Feinberg. It deals with young married people who have lost their spouse, however, I think you can apply it to your situation very easly. Everything I have read so far just connects. I help this will be helpful to you, keep in touch I have found that are a lot of people here that can help

Derek

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Derek, thanks for the reply! i've heard the, well just eat! but honestly sometimes, that's the last thing i want to do. But I have told my psychologist and when i go next i'll tell her i'm back in the rut. Thanks for the reccommendation of that book. I'll definitely look into it. Grieving as fast as you can does not seem so bad. i know there's a time to be sad and a time to move on, and i'd like to move on. thanks again..this is a great message board, seems like lots of people are ready and willing to help:)

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  • 2 weeks later...

I know when George died I could have cared less about eating, but my daughter was there following me around the house with food and water and making me take walks with her. Finally, I wanted to take care of myself because it seemed like the only thing in life I could control! But then I didn't care again and was dormant over the winter and could care less what I ate and I put on weight. Our moods and situations greatly affect how we eat...

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