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Loss of my best buddy Barnes


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I know everyone says that the pet they lost was the best pet they have ever had... But Barnes truly was. I grew up having pets my entire life. I've unfortunately lost quite a few due to a no pet inside policy. Much later on in my own life with my spouse we deeply believe it's safer for them to be inside. We adopted a scared little boy from a rescue a few years ago, Barnes was that kind of cat that was super distrustful. He loved my spouse but didn't know I was part of the package and was not happy with that. Through lots of work I managed to get him to trust me and we developed a bond unlike any other bond I've had with any other pet. He was my boy. Three years ago my health declined rapidly. I had to quit my job and focus on surviving. Whatever I have is so rare that I'm still going through testing to find out what the heck it is. I am bed bound now and can't get up for long without my body trying to die. Barnes learned when my body would have attacks (my pulse will shoot up to the 230's and my BP will spike majorly as well) ice and cold has been the only think keeping me from flat lining. Barnes would immediately let me know that an event was going to happen to I could make sure I was laying down and had an ice pack with me. One time I collapsed without my icepack and he brought it from the bedroom. Poor buddy was shivering... He commonly brought his blanket, toys, my old meds, my stuffed animal my spouse got me, etc to cheer me up. He saved my life more than I can count. He has notified my spouse to come check on me when I was incapable of doing so. I also have PTSD and one day I was going to commit suicide and he stopped me from doing that and literally wouldn't leave my side until my spouse got home. If I was having night terrors he'd wake me up and if he couldn't he'd wake my spouse up to wake me up. We took him to the vet thinking he had a kitty cold because his meow was off and he had a runny nose... They told us he has massive fluid buildup in his abdomen. They immediately drained him and told us they'll still run tests but he might have just been drinking really fast as he does. So we weren't horribly concerned. Next day he isn't moving, he won't take cuddles, he's not eating, he cried when being picked up, he's trying to drink but can't seem to get it down, he was refusing to move at all, and he wouldn't even do his excited greet when we came home. That never happens. We immediately got him another vet appointment that day and they told us they had just got the testing back and he has FeLV and lymphoma. We were told that we could put him to rest that night or try medicine to give him a few more weeks but not months. We couldn't put him down, he was fine the day before just a cold. He was our good boy. We got him the meds and had to force him to take them, they didn't help in the slightest. Next day goes along and now he's not even moving, he's not drinking or eating. Won't look up at all. I call my spouse and we decided we had to make the decision for him because he already made it himself and we cannot let him suffer. After the call I started sobbing and my heart started tripping and spiking up due to me standing. He forced himself to come to me tried to jump up and hurt himself just to comfort me. Me. When he's dying. I literally wouldn't be here without him. We were told he was fine and good to go with health when adopting him but he was sick early on. He couldn't have gotten it with us in any way. In all honesty I was prepping him to comfort my spouse as my health is getting to a point where I might not make it to Christmas... And now he's gone. I know this is a long word vomit but I'm struggling more than I can ever imagine. Especially knowing he had cancer for a good bit but still put my health first. 

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I am very sorry for your loss...it sounds like you had one very special cat, kind of a therapy cat, actually.  I know you're going to miss him terribly, it's very hard...it takes time to adjust to the changes this means to our lives, but little by little we begin to process and absorb this.   I hope this video brings you some comfort...


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