The pain is crushing

[Sharon C]

Firstly I'd like to say thankyou to all for sharing your grief. Mike P your Bella looks adorable. It's been 13 days since my baby went over the rainbow bridge.

Although I have stop crying ( I have no tears left) he constantly fills my mind. From the moment I awake till I sleep again. I collected his ashes 2 days ago and that has been a great comfort to me. Still the home feels empty without him. Still the key in the door is a stark reminder my baby is not home. I miss him so much much my heart aches. We did everything together. He was my rock. The beds too big without him. His little furry head no longer on the pillow next to mine. My other comfort is he didn't want for anything.  Spoilt to the maximum. With love and affection mostly.  When he was put to sleep apart of me died that day. A day I will never forget. His little face will haunt me. He was such a character. We went everywhere together. Even going to the shops is painful, a reminder he was once there. He used to follow me around the house all the time. Wasn't even interested in relationships, he gave me all I wanted, 14 years of pure love.  I miss him so much, often wishing one more day with him. My heart still aches and I will always love him till the the day I hopefully will see him again. 

God bless you all and your beloved pooches xx

[Sharon C]

Firstly I'd like to say thankyou to all for sharing your grief. Mike P your Bella looks adorable. It's been 13 days since my baby went over the rainbow bridge.

Although I have stop crying ( I have no tears left) he constantly fills my mind. From the moment I awake till I sleep again. I collected his ashes 2 days ago and that has been a great comfort to me. Still the home feels empty without him. Still the key in the door is a stark reminder my baby is not home. I miss him so much much my heart aches. We did everything together. He was my rock. The beds too big without him. His little furry head no longer on the pillow next to mine. My other comfort is he didn't want for anything.  Spoilt to the maximum. With love and affection mostly.  When he was put to sleep apart of me died that day. A day I will never forget. His little face will haunt me. He was such a character. We went everywhere together. Even going to the shops is painful, a reminder he was once there. He used to follow me around the house all the time. Wasn't even interested in relationships, he gave me all I wanted, 14 years of pure love.  I miss him so much, often wishing one more day with him. My heart still aches and I will always love him till the the day I hopefully will see him again. 

God bless you all and your beloved pooches xx

Having a cry this morning.. His new photo in the living is so beautiful it started me off... feels very lonely with out him.. feel family are thinking you should be getting better now.. don't want to phone and bother others...finding it really hard to accept... the hole in my heart is so huge .. I've lost my soul mate.. 😢😢

[kayc]

On 2/28/2019 at 2:42 PM, Sharon C said:

Yes I'm sure it will be unhealthy soon with the bowls! 

I just posted about this very thing in another thread...how some immediately get rid of any painful reminders while others leave everything where it is as if memorializing them in a way...neither is the right or wrong way, there is only what brings US comfort, and I say, do that.  You are not alone.

[kayc]

12 hours ago, Sharon C said:

My other comfort is he didn't want for anything.  Spoilt to the maximum. With love and affection mostly.

And he looks deserving of that spoiledness!  It's clear to see how much you love him...I am so sorry for your loss.

[K.D.]

Unfortunately, I totally get it. Mine was my shadow. We did everything together. I threw him in the car for every errand. We walked several times a day. He slept pressed up against me. I keep thinking I see him out of the corner of my eye. 

I loved being his “mom”. Nothing about his care seemed like work or a chore to me. I miss his happy face and wagging tail. 

I hate the grief process so much. I know eventually I will feel “better” in some way. Even that seems like a betrayal. 

I know they don’t live forever. One of life’s best yet most painful gifts. 

[K.D.]

Sharon, he looks so so sweet. My heart breaks for you. 

[kayc]

14 hours ago, K.D. said:

I know eventually I will feel “better” in some way. Even that seems like a betrayal.

If/when that time comes, try to remember that it is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.

Feeling better in any least little way is to be coveted by us all, Lord knows it's hard to be in this pain and to think of it continuing on this level, well I don't think our bodies could handle it.  I welcome any little coping/adjustment I can muster, it does not lessen our love for them.  My heart goes out to you, I know this is painful...

[K.D.]

I need to think about that often. That it’s the love, not the grief. I’ve got cans of open dogfood in the fridge that I don’t want to throw out, because I feel like it’s somehow forgetting him. 

[kayc]

Ahh, but he's in a place where he has all of the delectable treats he desires!  Try to remember that they aren't sad or hurting anymore, they are enjoying themselves even while we wait to join them!

 

[Dawna]

I completely understand how you are feeling. I had to put my Pekingese/King Charles to sleep due to old age. I had her since 2004, I had her for 15 years. My pain is so devastating, I miss her so much. 

[kayc]

@Dawna  I am so sorry for your loss, it's very hard, to have one so long and be so close to them and then have to say goodbye.  I know they're just in another realm and we'll be with them again, but the waiting for that time is still hard. 

 

 

[Missing My Fancy]

I'm a little late here but I'm truly sorry for your loss, K.D. Your pup was precious. I'm sure he was a perfect companion for you and I hope that the great memories you have with him bring you comfort. I recently lost my baby girl (my cat Fatsy/"Fancy") and I've been heartsick. It's Spring time here and I agree, it's ugly. I hate the sounds of the chirping birds in the morning and when the sun comes up I feel disgusted. Literally nauseous. It feels like a cruel cosmic joke for the weather to be so sunny and bright and to have to face it while not having my best friend with me.

[K.D.]

I’m so sorry. It’s so painful. I hope you are doing as well as can be expected. It does seem like a cruel cosmic joke. The earth literally burst into life shortly after he died. All around me people are happy and luxuriating in spring. I hate it. Two and a half months later and I’m still in so much pain. I can’t stand the happy chirping either. 

[Missing My Fancy]

Exactly, K.D. I don't want to hear any sounds associated with Springtime. No birds singing, no people laughing, no kids running around giggling, no blasting music as people drive by with their windows down- nothing, because I just can't take it. I hate all of it so much. They're all reminders that things are perfectly fine for other people while I'm left to feel the oppressive weight of grief. The birds have been chirping here since about 4:30am and it's taken a lot of willpower to not throw open my front door and scream my head off. And to make matters worse it's Friday. On Fridays my neighborhood is noisy with excitement for the weekend. According to the forecast we're supposed to get rain all day where I live. I really hope we do so that the usual noisemaking is thwarted.

Best wishes to you, K.D.