I'm tired

[DonnaE]

My husband's 34-year old son was shot point-blank in the chest on December 18, 2018 at 10:20pm.  At the time, we were on a Caribbean cruise and learned of his death via a phone call from one of his close friends while in St. Maarten.  Being Christmastime, there were no flights home; we had to endure the agony while in the middle of the ocean for 4 more days until we were finally able to fly home.  I've helped my husband deal with his loss: the unbearable grief, the anger, the bewilderment...dealing with the Attorney General's office via our Victim's Advocate, the Police Department, the media, etc.  I've navigated it all to try and do my part to help shoulder my husband's load.  There is no end in sight to the police investigation.  The shooter is claiming self-defense and it's up to law enforcement to disprove it.  We were told at the outset of the investigation that it would take 4-6 months for the police to complete their investigation.  Then the case is handed to the AG's office for determination of charges, if any. We don't expect to see the report until the end of 2019, a whole year after he was killed.  Meanwhile, this person has never been arrested and continues to live his life.

My husband and I are fighting a lot lately.  He's angry and, since I'm the closest to him, I get the brunt of the anger.  I am so tired to having to tiptoe and walk on egg shells so as not to upset the apple cart.  He yelled at me once that I didn't know what it was like to lose a child and what have I ever lost?  Well, I've lost a step-son and I've lost a husband-he will never be the person he was.  I haven't been able to process my grief because I'm so busy trying to help him overcome his.

To top it all off, my 94-year old mother was recently placed in a nursing home.  She's frail and can no longer take care of herself properly, but she's angry at me for her situation.  Just one more stick on the camel's back before it breaks.

Today, I think I reached my breaking point.  I had a meltdown at work.  I seriously don't know how much more I can take.

 

[MartyT]

Dear Donna, your story is heartbreaking, and I'm so sorry that the life of your stepson was taken is such a horrible, violent way ~ and sorry, too, that you are feeling the brunt of all the anger in the wake of this tragedy, not only from your husband but from your mother too. No wonder you're feeling as if you've reached the breaking point.

A loss like this is too much to bear alone. I want to point you to some resources that I hope will offer some understanding and support. I hope and pray that both you and your husband will read this article, and take advantage of some of the many resources listed at the base: Surviving A Child's Homicide ❤️

 

 

[kayc]

Donna,

I am so sorry, I can think of nothing worse.  My son is 34, I can't imagine the pain of losing him.  He has been the bright star in my life.  You and your husband are going through so much, I would hope you would consider seeing a grief counselor, someone to unload to, someone who'd understand, someone to help you navigate your way through this. 

Thank you, Marty, for your resources just when they're needed.

Meanwhile, Donna, I hope you'll continue to come here, pour your heart out, it helps to express yourself...it may not change the situation, but it's validating to know you're heard and understood.