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jengrief

Emotions Are Weird Following Death of Father

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My Dad just died on February 10, 2019. I saw through the window my Dad on the porch trying to go to the hospital, and him going suddenly going down to the right. My Moms friend is screaming her head off for him to breathe. I get my sister next door. we have to watch along with my mother, my Father lie on the ground for an hour, pretty much dead as ten men work on him. He had an Aortic Aneurysm. i cant shake the bad images from my head. we finished the funeral, and life has resumed the past three to four days. I was crying every day, and the past two days its better, but it does come and go.  I am just not sure how to process witnessing it all. Plus, my Father refused to go anywhere for an hour and copped an attitude. I didnt see him, I just heard him. He wouldnt let anyone call 911. 

I dont want to get PTSD from this but I cant ignore reality. I have great anger in me that there is zero cure for this condition. they worked on him as if he had a heart attack even though we told them the symptoms...paralyzed right leg, back pain, odd things that heart attacks dont have. they only figured it out after he was dead. so i dont know, i go to bed seething a lot and want to go on a mission. I hear all the time that people die of this or brain, or stomach aneurysms every day. this is now my grandmother, my dads, and now him. that is scary to me because thats two family members that have gone down from the same thing. im 44, they were 70,  but still, how do you tell yourself it wont happen? I am sure some of you are having the same feelings. loss is strange. one minute your fine, next your not. ive been numb today.  Me and my Mother are left to live alone in the house. i know its weird to be with your parents at my age but that is a long story. i needed to get it out, from those who may have seen their parents die.

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On 2/19/2019 at 9:20 PM, jengrief said:

I am just not sure how to process witnessing it all.

My dear, I'm so sorry to learn of the sudden death of your dad. You say you "don't want to get PTSD from this," but I'm not sure that you have a choice. Obviously this experience was terribly frightening for you, and you are understandably worried about this aneurysm condition that has taken the lives of more than one of your family members. You might discuss this with your primary care physician, to determine if you are at risk of an aneurysm yourself and if so, what preventative or precautionary measures you might take now. If you find that you're experiencing the classic signs of PTSD (see, for example, Symptoms of PTSD) you would do well to find a qualified grief counselor or therapist who specializes in traumatic loss (see Coping with Traumatic Loss: Suggested Resources).  ❤️

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jengrief,

It's not weird to be living at home at your age, it used to be the norm that families lived together and helped each other out.  I'm glad you and your mom can be there for each other...you lost the same person but your loss is different, you lost your dad, she lost her husband, but still, it helps to have each other to talk to and share in this.

I do hope you will get some help for the flashbacks...I was haunted by that last day my husband died, them working on him, the look in his eyes, etc. but it's finally gotten better.  Sometimes it does help to see someone who can help you through it.

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