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I’ve never seen it so quiet here.  Just checking in to see how everyone is.

MArg?  I especially wonder about you.  Haven’t seen you in a long time.

 

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Hi Gwen,. I wondered the same thing.  Lots of bad weather here.  Things seem relatively calm now.  Hope everyone is doing well.

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All is well with me. Still waiting on feedbback from my dentist in regard to replacing the majority of my bottom teeth. Not looking forward to that one.

Had a couple of soggy days recently and record snow in the high country. Must have been sent here by Kay and Gwen.  lol

Yesterday was Ron's birthday. He would have been 72. No one but me remembers.............

Have been keeping "busy" creating jewelry. That's about all I can muster these days. Also watching a lot of Netflix movies(signed up for the free 30 day trial). Nice, because there are things I can't get from the library.

So, nothing earth shaking, just life moving on.......

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Thanks for the "Roll Call", Gwen. 

Had a couple of doctor appointments last week.  Have been getting my income taxes pulled together for a meeting with the tax man Wednesday and also have been trying to clean up my yard since the wind/snow storms.  According to the weather we aren't due anymore snow this week.  Can't do much outside at my old age, but if I don't keep pushing ahead I can't sleep nights.  I keep my bottle of Aleve close by.   

I have a feeling Kay is dealing with more snow.  My daughter lives in Roseburg, OR and they had quite a bit of snow last night and are without power.

Like Karen K. and Gin said - "nothing earth shaking" = Thank goodness for that.   Hoping you and your fur babies are doing well.  Dee

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Hi All, I've been thinking that I just repeat the same grief thoughts and feelings over and over and get sick of hearing myself.

That said, I'm dreading the coming of March and my iffy relationships with woman friends are putting the focus on the fact thet I'm starved for affection. No one to say I love you and hear it from me.  No one who wants to touch me and be touched. No one to make love with. No one to call me PB.  No one to say "don't worry about it".  No one to surprise me with an amazing present.  No one to remind me of something we did a long time ago.  No one to knit something for me.  No one to make cookies and bring me one.  No one to share what I cook.......

Thats just one of the countless aspects of grief, but to keep it really simple, losing the affection that Susan poured out to me on a daily basis is bad enough to make life really sad.

Super windy in Boston. Clear and 36 deg but wind 36 with gusts to 47 mph. Best wishes to all TomPB

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GSo sorry, Karen.  No one remembers Steve’s anniversary anymore either but me.  Maybe his brother, but he never reaches out which hurts.

Dee, had to call my landscaper as my cherry tree dropped another limb and this one is precariously on the fence.  What a messed up February we had up here.

taxes?  Ugh.  Al this stuff is so hard when you are literally trying to stay sane.  It seems so meaningless, but has to be done.

Tom, sounds like you are experiencing 'skin hunger' as my counselor calls it.  I do all the time.   Starved for affection doesn’t even begin to describe what we have lost.  Plus the little things you described.  I miss catching Steve in the goodies just to give him a hard time.  I miss another human voice in the house.  I miss reason to cook and clean up.  Thank gawd for microwaves.  Don’t know how I’d survive without it now.  Pots and pans have been ice cold for years.  I wish someone truly cared where I was and would notice if I was gone besides missed medical appointments, which is the sum of my social life now.  And yet, people outside wonder why I’m depressed.  They don’t even see they have been telling me of their home life.  Yesterday the woman I meet for a chat had to run to make dinner for her spouse.  Always asks me what I am having.  Another MW delight.  My week is counseling, doctor and the vet.  Oh joy.  Today is a nothing day, no contact with anyone and try to fill a lot of hours.

 I’m still very concerned about Marg. Anyone talk to her privately?  I’m going to check when she last logged in.

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Gwen, I know "starved for affection" doesn't even begin... I'm trying to say that even this one thing is devastating, and yet there is so much more. Yes, "skin hunger" is a good one...Tom

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1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

Dee, had to call my landscaper as my cherry tree dropped another limb and this one is precariously on the fence.  What a messed up February we had up here. taxes?  Ugh.  Al this stuff is so hard when you are literally trying to stay sane.  It seems so meaningless, but has to be done.

Tom, sounds like you are experiencing 'skin hunger' as my counselor calls it.  I do all the time.   Starved for affection doesn’t even begin to describe what we have lost.  Plus the little things you described.  I miss catching Steve in the goodies just to give him a hard time.  I miss another human voice in the house.  I miss reason to cook and clean up.  Thank gawd for microwaves.  Don’t know how I’d survive without it now.  Pots and pans have been ice cold for years.  I wish someone truly cared where I was and would notice if I was gone besides missed medical appointments, which is the sum of my social life now.  And yet, people outside wonder why I’m depressed.  They don’t even see they have been telling me of their home life.  Yesterday the woman I meet for a chat had to run to make dinner for her spouse.  Always asks me what I am having.  Another MW delight.  My week is counseling, doctor and the vet.  Oh joy.  Today is a nothing day, no contact with anyone and try to fill a lot of hours.

 I’m still very concerned about Marg. Anyone talk to her privately?  I’m going to check when she last logged in.

Yes, unfortunately Gwen all of this has to be done.  I am envious of you having a landscaper you can call.  I can only work outside about an hour or so without admitting, "I need to find a landscaper to help me if I continue to live here."  Not comfortable being here alone to try out different workers around the house and yard.  At the rate my body moves lately, I should have the yard cleaned up by this time next year. LOL

'skin hunger' a perfect label of what we are all missing.  All those wonderful, sweet, caring, loving things our partners used to do for us and with us that made our lives so full.  Dee

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Checking in. Still here and kicking. February is a rough month for me memory wise.

Skin Hunger... oh yea.. I almost forgot about that. 

I had a few visits with a good friend and we shared some meals together, met at church, and a few visits.  I gave his german shepherd dog a monkey that I kept after our beloved collie died six years ago.  He loves that thing and plays with it so gently. He loves that monkey and I was glad to give it a good home.

I have been going to the gym for almost three months and getting fitter and stronger.  I'm still sore all the time and have a few setbacks but I keep plugging along.  Business is slower than I would like.  I had a physical setback but i'm managing to cope with it. 

My sister has not bothered to call since January 1st... I guess she will call the next time she needs me.

I do keep active and I'm always learning something new.  We have a lot of rain and some cold snaps but thankfully no snow to shovel. 

One step forward each day. - Shalom

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George, just saw your wife’s leaving was this month.  Into your 4th year now.  It’s so hard.  

So sweet finding an home for the dog toy.  I have ones that are so tattered and shadows of themselves, but the new kid loves them.  New toys have to broken in, meaning destuffed and squeakers destroyed.  THEN they are acceptable. 

I don’t know how you forget skin hunger.  I only do when sound asleep and even there I can touch people that I really love.  It’s so cold waking to this reality.  I was kind a OK with it for about 2 years.  Then I realized it’s absence.  Good thing I am not. A romance movie buff.  I sure miss kissing.  I think it’s the most intimate form of love shared.  😢

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Checking in too.

I'm still recovering from Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper's performance at the Oscar. So intimate, the way they looked at each other and how he reached to her on the piano. I shed many tears since I could identify my ex life in that scene. "I had that". It's past tense now. 

I'm having issues at work and my gym routine is anything but a routine. I've low energy and spirits lately. It's like the sea tides. 

Grief. I'm having vivid flashbacks from my ex life. They are sound and clear. They said it's from trauma. They don't scare me, they come and go. I think it has been  happening since year one. I don't keep a track of my craziness anymore. 

My update. 

Marg? Mitch? Hope they check in too. It's been long since the last time they posted. Hope you guys are ok!

Let's keep Katie and her kids too in our thoughts and prayers.

Peace

Ana

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All is as good as can be expected here. My days and routines don't deviate much. I just look for ways to keep myself occupied. My "triggers" have even fallen into a routine. They now seem to revolve around dates or events that were important to Cookie and I. The date of her death-my birthday-our anniversary-and her birthday. Our anniversary will hit soon (March 7th) and then I'll get a lull in it all until her birthday in August.

We can all start thawing out soon. March will soon be here and winter will soon start to fade away. I was stationed at an air force base in North Dakota for 2 years in the early 70's. I've never been a fan of cold weather since that experience. The worst I saw there was a balmy and tropical 70 degrees BELOW zero. It's impossible to put on enough layers for that. (I was told the only way I could get an assignment somewhere else was to volunteer to go back to Southeast Asia. So...back to the monsoons I went!)

Hope everyone is well.

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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Just to hold someone's hand and share a kiss...........How nice that would be. Those are distant memories and probably always will be. In May, Ron will be gone 6 years. He used to tell me that I wouldn't be alone for long after he was gone. I told him what an old fool he was.  I guess I was right. Sad to think so, but I think that ship has sailed.

Read on he news about an Amtrak train stuck outside Eugene, Or. due to downed trees on the track. One of the passengers said power is out in Oakridge which is the area Kay is from so hope she is okay and able to keep warm. Way too much snow!

That moment from the Oscars was beautiful and tough to watch, Ana, even for this old lady. I shy away from the romantic movies also, Gwen. Easier to hide myself away in an action or murder mystery. Messy, but less so for the heart.

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Cookie and I used to enjoy watching the oscars but I haven't watched it in several years. They all lost me when they started turning it into their obnoxious political sideshow. All of those sorts of expositions are really only for themselves and their over inflated egos anyway.

But I do wish I had me one of those tuxedo dresses to wear tomorrow when I go to McDonalds for breakfast.  Man would that be a head-turner!

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Darrel,

The evening attire has always been a bit outlandish to me, but I think that one took the cake.  I remember when it used to be "my designer outdid your designer". Now it's Walmart commercials professing to dress the stars "behind the scenes". Did I miss something?

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I'm alive and doing well...appears weather will break finally....Went to my Legion Shuffle Board last night and finally won a game, lots of laughs for sure....Looking at directions on how to put Vinyl siding on my new shed........need some warmth.....Kids are on there way to Mexico, next year Yuma for me if health holds up.....Take care

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One thing I know is if I were an actor, I wouldn’t be attending the awards shows unless I was a lot younger and that kind of stuff was fun.  But then maybe you get hooked on that in that career.  Some have to because it’s part of thier payment like hitting talk how’s endlessly to plug the movie.  But that is a choice.  What a whole different world that is.

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Dear Ones, below is a copy of the email exchange I've had with our Kay, which I am sharing here with her permission. Let's keep her in our thoughts (and prayers, if you are so inclined):

On Tue, Feb 26, 2019 at 2:38 PM MartyT wrote:
Dear Kay, I don't know if you have power, given the severity of the winter you're having where you live ~ but if and when you get this message, just know that you've got lots of friends out here in cyberspace who are thinking of you and praying that you are safe and warm!  With love, Marty   

From: kayc 
To: MartyT 
Subject: Re: Thinking of you!
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2019 20:36
I won't have electricity or phone for probably another week or so, my car is behind 6 ft of snow, my son got my text by phone (used 30% of my battery to send it!) and came yesterday but couldn't get through, the hwy is closed, got here this afternoon. He hooked up his generator, my food is outside but will have to throw a lot of it away. He checked my freezer which I hadn't opened, even the ice cream bars are okay! That was great news. I felt so isolated. I've lost several trees, two on Arlie's fence, one across my driveway, you could hear them breaking all night the last couple of nights! Scary! Poor Arlie hasn't had a walk since Sunday. The whole town is black, worried about my sister, they don't have a fireplace. My son called them, they said they're okay. All businesses are closed, even some in Eugene. I have over 4 ft of snow and it just keeps on snowing. My son is going to shovel my roof off before he returns home tomorrow. I have been worried the roof would cave in, it's just an old mobile home, not a high pitch to the roof. The new garage roof expels the snow easily...in front of the vehicles! LOL Looks like I won't be going anywhere for a while. So long as I can get to the church before 3/15 to make out their payroll..if not, they'll have to understand. I guess it made national news. Eugene had a foot of snow too, my son traded vehicles with my daughter so she has AWD. You can share all this with the forum, thanks for checking with me. I just got internet because he has the generator hooked up now. So long as I don't run out of gas. Even the gas stations are probably closed here. Kay

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Thank you Marty for sharing.  I figured Kay was buried in snow.  My daughter lives one hour south of Eugene and hasn't had power since Sunday, I think.  I just got off the phone with my daughter and they are surviving with no exact time when they will have power. Kay, glad to know your dear son dug you out and is there taking care of you.  Warm thoughts and hugs to you.  Dee

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WOW! Snowmageddon for sure! Glad you are okay, Kay. You are a pioneer woman in my eyes.

Thanks for the shout out, Marty. Can you find Marg for us, now? Sure hope she is okay, also.

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I heard from Marg privately and family/friend issues are high.  So much happening I’m guessing she’s wiped out.  

If you’re peeking in, Marg,  we want to hear from you!  ❤️

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I'm peeking.  Love y'all.  I have Fridays free.  My sister does not have a car.  Thinking of reaching out to hypnotist for the smoking since she cannot afford them and no one else can either. Her insurance pays for hypnotist.  Hoping it helps, nothing else does and she quit alcohol, hardest to quit the cigarettes.  I will have to take her to largest city around here (Shreveport), and take my granddaughter to counselor on Wednesday in that city and to school 3 times a week.  One good thing.  The city recreational center is less than a mile from her school and I'm up to 45 minutes on the bicycle with a lean back seat as they don't want the weight of my  body to be on my legs.  It's hell to be so short, short legs, low residue diet, but I'm still moving..........obviously.  Looking at another apartment that has W/D setup (I would have to buy W/D), and I guess the idea of moving has overwhelmed me.  Gotta depend on income tax return.  Anyhow, I think of you all often, I am with Billy constantly, the moon, clouds, blue sky, and all the flowering trees are flowering now.  I'm sorry Kay and y'all in the cold wet areas.  This is kinda wet tropical down here, but some cold too, just no ice.  The other apartment does not have steps leading into it.  I am on first floor here but the steps seem like a mountain.  Some things I am having problems with.  Love you all.  Our recreation center is $10 a year.  I can afford it.  This is the same bicycle they had me on in rehab I only went to about 4 times and it cost my insurances 1090 dollars.  I will pay 30.  Prefer the rec center prices.  I checked on all y'all.  Please take care.  

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Marg, glad to see you're still "sittin' up and takin' nourishment", as they say. Never have figured out who "they" is.

You are one busy woman. Hope you find an apartment that suits you better. Just as well you haven't unpacked all the boxes, yet.  lol

Keep in touch when you can. We love ya'.

Karen

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I told ya she was here!  Just going like the Energizer Bunny!  I envy you, Marg.  Wish I could do a bike.  Exercise feels so good after the fact.  Another move sounds stressful.  But I hear ya on stairs.  I have 5 leading to getting in and I'll never forget a resident at Foss I used to bring here to watch movies told me one day I’m going to hate them.  I do now being so much older.  There’s a lot of planning of what is the most efficient way to get things in and out with as few trips as possible.  The house is all one level and I’m SO grateful that I grew up in Albuquerque which had room and that was the norm.  I rented a townhouse once with stairs and even being young the vacuuming was a b*tch.  Said never again.  Wish I had some wise words about your sister quitting cigs.  I’m in the thick of withdrawl and it is horrible!  I don’t miss the not smoking, it’s that which is strangling me.  I’m on a support site which helps like this does about Steve and the changes(like renewing domain names for email, so not my thing).  I hate having to learn about things I don’t care about except that they work.  I hate doing his jobs he loved being the techie.  

Speaking of blooming stuff, happening here too.  I have to get rid of huge limbs that came down in our record snowstorms.  There goes about $400.  There isn’t a month that doesn’t go by it seems I get nailed with a big expense.  Care for my elder dog with pneumonia also hit me for a number I don’t even want to type.  Quadruple digits.  Taxes are going to be iffy for many people thanks to a certain someone who undid a lot of credits, so am preparing myself for that sticker shock.  At least I hit my deductible on med insurance.   No more copays.  

Sure hope Kay gets dug out soon.  So hard being alone in yuck situations.  

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