K.D. Posted March 15, 2019 Report Share Posted March 15, 2019 Not getting any easier for me yet. It almost feels worse. Sadly my husband didn’t really care about the dog, so he’s pushing me to move on. We had a fight because he wants me to pick up the food and water bowls. He was pretty cold about it. It’s like he gave me exactly 30 days to get over it. I just cannot pick them up yet. I miss him soo soo much. He did everything with me. Literally everything. I hope the rest of you are getting some relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 16, 2019 Report Share Posted March 16, 2019 K.D. my dear, you might share with your husband the fact that all the people in this forum have felt the loss of our beloved companions just as acutely as you are feeling it now, and every single one of us is reassuring you that what you are feeling is NORMAL and HEALTHY. You can tell him that you will pick up those dog dishes when you feel ready and willing to do so, and that there is nothing wrong with waiting until such time as you are ready. Please don't let him "make" you feel as if there is something wrong with you. Let him know that those dishes are a connecting link to the dog you've lost, and in time you'll be ready to put them away ~ but not today. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 16, 2019 Report Share Posted March 16, 2019 Probably nothing we have to say will change your husband's view. I'm sorry he doesn't understand what you're feeling and going through, but if the bond was between you and your dog and not him and the dog, he's not likely to get itget it. It would help if he would become educated about loss and loss of dog in particular, it might help if the two of you went to a grief counselor that specializes in dog loss. Marty IS a grief counselor but I don't know if he'll listen to what she has to say either. https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/02/pet-loss-disenfranchised-grief.htmlhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/12/pet-loss-finding-support-in-group.htmlhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/10/finding-support-for-pet-loss.html Perhaps your husband finds it weird seeing the bowls on the floor and is concerned you aren't seeing reality? A lot of us memorialize our pets, it is a way of honoring them and their life and remembering them with value. Perhaps if you were to incorporate his food bowl into a memorial of a sort, perhaps planting something in it or even having a shadow box built that's large enough to hold it and maybe his leash and a picture of your dog? Something that seems more of a memorial might seem more acceptable to him, it's worth considering and talking about. At any rate, you could assure him that your feelings are not only normal but common for people who have had a close furry companion. Just because they aren't human doesn't make them of any lesser value. I'm sorry you are feeling alone in your grief and not understood. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K.D. Posted March 16, 2019 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2019 It does make it worse that I’m alone in it, and now I feel threatened. I told him that he doesn’t get to decide my feelings. Sadly, I went and visited my stepmom, and her dog went into sudden kidney failure, and I had to take her to have the dog put to sleep. While I’m glad I could be there for her, I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die during the process. I was sweating buckets and my heart was pounding. At least we can share each other’s pain. As always, thank you for your support. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 16, 2019 Report Share Posted March 16, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 17, 2019 Report Share Posted March 17, 2019 KD, OMG, I'm so sorry! That had to be so hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlove Posted April 23, 2019 Report Share Posted April 23, 2019 Me too I feel like being pushed to "get over" what happened... While all my closed ones understand how important my Ginger is to me, I feel stuck in a the regret, and the guilt is still heavy - though not like the first months. I started to get creative, like Marty's article said. Don't know if this is a nice idea: I tried going to the zoo...observing the bigger cats...... I imagine some of the time when Ginger was lost in the small "forest" he was in, some days may have brought him something very new to wake up hearing insects, birds...instead of my calling him or the air conditionning or washing machine... I remind myself there was never an intention to cause him getting lost. I'm also trying to volunteer to wash and look after some cats in a rescue center. Not succeeded yet as I think too much and I recall my nice memories with Ginger. I think we have to keep the healing process going. Step by step. The worst would be to pressurize ourselves. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 24, 2019 Report Share Posted April 24, 2019 21 hours ago, Gingerlove said: Not succeeded yet as I think too much and I recall my nice memories with Ginger. You are doing what you can, volunteering and helping with rescue cats, it's going to take time and your thoughts will always be with your Ginger, we get through this little by little, you're making your way through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlove Posted April 25, 2019 Report Share Posted April 25, 2019 Thank you so much kayc, it really takes time and effort to make the emptiness feel less empty. There is a very "pure" quality of love and friendship between us humans and animals. K.D. Don't worry many of us are also being "ignored" as a result of having sad thoughts and still feeling fruatrated from losing our pet. I have a very close friend who had a cat, she too lost her cat early this year. But the difference with my cat is that she knew it was getting to that point two years ago. She had been prepared. Her cat lived to 10 years old. My cat was between 6 / 7. I know we cannot compare and grief is the same grief. But not being prepared makes my cat's passing feel unreal. It still does sometimes. For your pet's bowls and other belongings, may I suggest if some items cause you too much pain, give them away to another pet owner...... Just an idea. Some manage to keep them. Very brave. Really. Peace to everyone here who love our animals so purely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlove Posted April 25, 2019 Report Share Posted April 25, 2019 5 minutes ago, Gingerlove said: But the difference with my cat is that she knew it was getting to that point two years ago. She had been prepared. Oh, so, this friend has been avoiding me now sort of...for several months. She listened at first and then just didn't want to hear about it anymore. Saying to me how wonderful I should feel being with my newborn. Only counscellors specialized in the animal-human relationship, told me how when someone says that it also can make me feel guilty as I lost my cat a little after I gave birth. I said: How do you know?? Yes exactly it makes me feel even more guilty. Today I start to see all the love I have for my cat. Behind the heavy guilt is a lot of love that I still want to keep giving to Ginger... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 25, 2019 Report Share Posted April 25, 2019 How can we prepare to lose them at age 6-7? We don't expect to. My cat is 24, I know she'll die one of these days, but we're never prepared, we always hope against hope it won't happen...my dog is 11 he's Golden Retriever (lives to 9) and Siberian Husky (lives to 10-12) yet seems in good health and I hope for many more years with him. Is that unrealistic? Probably. But we always hope for more, that's just how it is, we don't want to lose them...ever! When someone tells you what you "should" feel they are invalidating your experience. A better way would be to acknowledge your feelings and just sit with you in your grief. It seems people in our society aren't very educated when it comes to grief. You can love your child AND your cat and one doesn't have to do with the other, they're separate loves, separate experiences, someone shouldn't lay guilt on you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlove Posted April 25, 2019 Report Share Posted April 25, 2019 1 hour ago, kayc said: It seems people in our society aren't very educated when it comes to grief. So true. Those feelings are so real and also can seem hopeless, frustrated... Sometimes escape looks easier... It is not. It probably will just come back and to live the blame and regret all over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted April 25, 2019 Report Share Posted April 25, 2019 Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of a Loved One? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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