Are we all suffering from PGD?

[Margm]

3 hours ago, CairnLady said:

”It’s OK to be Ok”

I went to a fellow from India, he had written a book.  This has been back in the 1980's, I paid $125 for about 15 minutes, I bought his book even, his mantra for me is "you have to learn to love yourself."  So, I said, I love myself, I won't be back.

[Kieron]

Gwen, it was during this time that I came to realize that the sayings "Only the good die young" and "No rest for the wicked" are two ways of expressing the very same concept.

[mittam99]

I'm coming to terms with certain things I've been reading (about not being able to move forward). Yes, I long for my life with Tammy to somehow magically reappear. But of course I know that's not reality.

To this day, I tell Tammy how much I love her as I leave for work, just as I did for all those many years she was bedridden. I guess a part of me is hoping against hope that this nightmare was just that, and my life will go back to what it was. Keeping her things in their place gives me comfort but is it really just a way to avoid the bitter reality and fool myself into thinking she's coming back? I need to take a new course on my journey. One that gives me permission to be "happy" (a relative term) or at least try. 

My life with Tammy was the best time in my life. Not because it was easy. It wasn't. The stress of her constant medical issues and our subsequent financial struggles were immense. But we had each other. We had unending love and we were truly made for each other. 

I need to understand that my life isn't over, even though Tammy is gone. There are new chapters to write. And that Tammy will be up in heaven, cheering me on, hoping for my success.

Mitch

[Gwenivere]

Thanks, Marty.  I love your articles.  Have to be in the right place for content.  You are correct, the pain I have has made me grumpy and I hope my post didn’t offend you or anyone.  The sun has set again.  Another long night leads to another long day.  Had another trip to the clinic for the pain and now they want to refer me to yet another doctor.  I’m so tired of doctors.  They all have their hypothesis but don’t take in the whole picture.  Arg.  Not a good time to have given up my cigs!  🤬

[CairnLady]

Mitch

i feel I’m in the same kind of stuck place. Every morning I pray for peace in my heart. Then I tell Michael how much I love him and miss him terribly. Then I start to cry.

Like others I have physical challenges and feel cheated, robbed of my future that was “supposed to be” with Michael and am very isolated and alone ( except for my dogs)

when I try to think of how to make “a new life”, I  simply have no answers. All I see is “empty”

[kayc]

19 hours ago, mittam99 said:

Kay, thanks for the kind words. From the doctors and nurses who saw me by Tammy's side 24/7, to friends and relatives, I hear how lucky Tammy was to have me. But, as much as I loved and cared and cherished and tried my best to do the very best for Tammy, she still died. I'm hard on myself. There's a part of me that says that maybe a decision I made (or didn't make) contributed to her death. Even though my logical side says Tammy had too many horrendous, life threatening medical issues to even count and that I did everything with only one intention... for Tammy to be with me forever.

It seems like my lack of motivation stems from some sort of self punishment. Maybe this is what's holding me back from living my life in a more productive, happy way. It's like I'm telling myself internally that I don't deserve happiness.

Just thinking out loud here...

 

Well if you're there, you have plenty of company.  I think most of us have done this in varying degrees and for varying periods of time.

I appreciate your posts Marty and have bookmarked them...I hadn't heard the term the Neutral Zone and it explains it plus even gives understanding how to deal with it. This is a slow process it seems!

[Johnny]

- "Nobody knows how the story ends"

I sit here on the anniversary of the first day I met my dear wife Rene'e.

I read all the things people have said here and they are all beautiful; heart felt testimony to an incredible love enduring all time.

I look back and smile and think about the first time we saw each other. How precious her smile was to me. The first time we kissed. The first time we told each other "I love you". All of those first that forged a love and a bond that went beyond anything I ever imagined possible. I have never loved anyone like that. I believe I never will again.

My friends and family often tell me that I do not know what life will bring. I just can't see it. I just can't imagine I'll ever be happy again.

Although nobody knows were the story ends - I do know that we still love each other.

I love you baby 💘

[KarenK]

Johnny,

My heart goes out to you on this special day. How very true that nobody knows how the story will end.

I met Ron 47 years ago at a red light. He rolled down his window and invited me for a drink. I declined. I didn't pick up strangers. But this guy was kind of cute and drove a "hot" car, so I told him that he could follow me to my friend's house. We were going dancing. I figured it was safe. After all, her dad and 4 kids were there and this was back in the day when the world wasn't quite so crazy(to me, at least). We drove to the club in separate cars, had a good time dancing and for some reason I told him my "real" name and phone number. My friend and I had a policy to never give that info out. He left during the evening. Three weeks later, he called me for a date as I was leaving to go dancing again. My friend and I met him at the club. We danced some more, got a little drunk, and he drove me home. He stayed for 41 years until his death on May 5, 2013. I could not have dreamed how our story would end. We can treasure what we had, which is more than most. I still see that cute guy in the "hot" car sitting at the red light................

[Kieron]

7 hours ago, KarenK said:

I still see that cute guy in the "hot" car sitting at the red light

What a sweet story!  💖

[kayc]

11 hours ago, Johnny said:

I do know that we still love each other.

Hang on to that...I know that too.  I wrote once that all that happened was his body gave out...I got hammered for that, but what I was trying to say was misunderstood...what I meant was, he didn't stop loving me, he didn't choose to leave, his body gave out, that's all, yes the ramifications of that one thing were huge for me.  It changed everything for the rest of my life.