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Another Holiday...

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It's almost Mother's Day and I feel scared as it approaches. What will it hold? It's hard to know. The Holidays have been really hard for me since George died, they seem disappointing and pain-filled. He was always so good at remembering me. With each holiday I remember the ones last year or years past...times he did this or did that or gave me just the most special gift. The sweet things he did. The Valentine's Banquets we attended, the Christmases we shared, the Thanksgiving feasts...how he loved food! All of it! :P Anniversaries spent at the coast...Mother's Days he made special for me, Father's Days I made special for him...I sure wish he hadn't died on Father's Day. Birthdays we celebrated...his last one just before he died. I remember every detail so vividly. Easter in the choir with my biggest fan sitting in the pew listening and watching every practice. I decided to cancel Easter this year but Mother's Day you can't cancel, not with kids, not with a mother, but how hard it is now that each and every holiday is changed forever.

This site has been pretty quiet lately, could it be that each of you is pondering these things to yourselves, each in your own way? I hope your Mother's Day goes well and that good memories bring a smile inside of you...that we can learn to let that be enough.

Edited by kayc
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KayC, You took the words right out of my mouth. I was just thinking the last few days how quiet we all are. I sit here at night wondering if any of you are having the same rough day, same tears, same memories... and yes, I guess we are.

I know Mothers Day is coming and I can only wonder how it will go. Larry, too, made that a special day for me. When my sons were little he would make sure a card was bought, and signed, and usually a bouquet of flowers. I know this holiday will be hard on his Mother. She is having her own struggle with this grief process. Much different than mine. She lost a son and I lost my life, my dreams and hope for the future.

I don't know why, but when it gets quiet here on this site, I feel so alone. I guess it shows how much I depend on all of you sharing when you can.

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I lost both my husband and mother last year. First my Mother and then 3 months later Gene. The anxiety was bad all week last week. I awoke to the same empty house yesterday morning. Gene would have had flowers and a big breakfast all planned out that he would have fixed with a big smile on his face and that special twinkle in his eyes. A card would have been waiting for me with my name written in his beautiful handwriting. And no Mother to call on Mother's Day. My Mother and Gene loved each other...there was a special connection between the two of them. I had a special friend in Gene's Mother who passed away 13 years ago. She said once to me "I know you will always take care of Gene for me". Now she takes care of him again, holding him for me. I wore my Mother's rings, my mother-in-law's ring, and wore the little hummingbird necklace Gene gave me for a Mother's Day. I hope my darling that it brought a smile to you. I miss all of you.

I love you Gene!

I miss you so much!

Always Gene!


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Well I survived another holiday...what would we do without friends? I wasn't able to come on line, my computer decided to crash and burn this weekend so today I am staying after work to post this.

I spent Saturday cooking and baking, although I really had no plans for Mother's Day. And our dear friend John moved mountains to come be with me Sunday so I wouldn't be alone (he lives several hours away and had to work until late Saturday eve.)...his motorcycle broke down partway down here and his cell phone didn't have coverage there, cops passed without stopping, everytime he lit his bic lighter to try to figure out what was wrong with the bike, a big truck would rush by, putting out the flame. Finally some bikers stopped, coming to his rescue...he arrived some time after 5:00 a.m., after spending all night out on the road, freezing cold. He'll never know how very much I appreciate that effort and sacrifice on my behalf. I finally heard from my daughter in the afternoon and her and her fiance showed up about 3:30...all of that cooking and baking I'd done came in handy! My son called from the Air Force and even solved my computer woes, so in about a week or two I should have my computer up and running again. I got to go for a six mile walk with my daughter and her fiance and the sky was beautiful. So of all of the holidays this year, in spite of my dread, this was the best.

I remembered last Mother's Day...my husband spent the morning moving my daughter's stuff for her, even sacrificing church to do so...how I appreciated all of the times he came to her rescue, treating her concerns as his own! He bought me a beautiful set of silver and violet bracelets...so my daughter and I have matching bracelets now, and he took us out to dinner. We never forget our spouse, never. We don't forget anything about our lives, anything that ever occurred between us. It's all there etched in our memories, memorialized forever...until we see them again.

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